HOICK POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLVII, 26 May 1928, Page 8

HOICK POTCH

j There was a new postmaster at Puddle Lon and he was not having a very happy time. Most of the farmers living in tho neighbourhood were in the habit of calling for their letters, and the unfortunate postmaster found himself busoigod by a crowd of burly, bawling men, all demanding letters at; the same time. At last one strode in even more burly than the rest, anti shouted: “Have you any letters for Alike Howe?” “For whom?”, snapped the perspiring, official. “Alike Howe, I said!” bawled the farmer, louder than ever. “Don’t you know your job. or can’t, you talk English? Have you any letters for Alike Howe?’’ The postmaster took off his glasses. “.Vo. 1 have not,” he said. “Neitho: for your cow nor anyone else's.” A woman who had engaged a country girl a,s maid asked her if who could poach half-a-dozen eggs’. The girt cfeokdusd that she could. “Very good,” said her mistress; “let me see what you can do.” Shortlv afterwards she had occasion to call the girl again; but to> her •a.stonishment she was not to be found in the house'. Presently she came tripping, in with her hat on. “Aa’ve got ’em all reet, mum,” she said : “half-a-dozen beauties.” “Half-a-dozen beauties?” repeated her mistress'. “What do you mean?” “Eggs, mum,” said the maid. s‘Rut .there are plenty of eggs in the house without buying more,’’ remarked the mistress.

“Lor’, mum, An didn’t buy ’em! Ye telt me to- poach ’em, and Aai did it fine. AVhv, bless- ye,” she added, bv way of information, “my father and brothers’ have been at the game for wars! ’ ’

.Having a pressing engagement with an important client, an oil merchant was obliged to leave his office in sole charge of a charwoman. “Now,” he said, indicating the telephone, ‘'when you hear the bell, ring, just go to the instrunien 1, and shcul. -‘Jrlullo. who tiro you h’ arid, u nit for tlie reply.” The merchant had been out about lialf-a 11-hour when the bell rang furiously. The women 'rushed to thp telephone, .shouted the necessary query, and put the receiver to her ear. “I’m Gossan, from Leeds.” came the answer. “Got a lot of oil for you. and want to send it at once. IJo ready tu receive it.” Presently the merchant returned, and saw a woman holding a pail under the telei'-hone moutlipkce. “What on earth are you doing?” lie asked'.

“Well, sir,” was the reply, “a® soon as you had gone a- man shouted that lie was .sending a largo supply of oil, and asked someone to receive it, so I’m holding.'this bucket waitin’ for it, to run through.' ’

. The party were touring on the Continent. and the guide was doing 'his utmost to make the tour as interesting and pleasing a.s possible. Wishing to please, he approached a member of the party one morning, “Well nvadame,” he said, “would von Mice to go and seen where the Rhine falls?”

“No. I certainly would not,” replied the woman ; “I came out here to see the sunshine.”

Visitor —Is this a good place for rheumatism ? Native. —Oh yes, sir. I got mine here.

Air. Reynolds, the dramatist, once met a free-and-easy actor, who told him that he had passed three festive days at the seat of the Alarquis and Alarchoiness of , without any invita- ? ion. He had gone there on the assumption that as my lord and lady were not on speaking terms, each, would suppose the other had asked him ; and so it turned out.

Recently a ,respectable-looking drunkard Was sitting in a tram, with a newspaper spread in front of him, apparently reading in a most- absorbed fashion. ‘‘l bog your pardon,” said a wo l,l-mean-ing neighbour, “but aren’t you reading that paper upside down?’’ “Hull?” the. drunken gentleman grunted. “1 said, a rend you reading that newspaper upside-down?” “Yuss! I am!” the .solemn drunkard * said emphatically. “And let me tell you, it takes a hit ‘o' doing’, too.”

“We have come,” said the chairman of the committee, “to ask you to take this nomination. The city needs a man like you—-strong, brave, self-made, selfreliant. owning no master, fearing no man.” The gneat man was visibly •touched. “IVJ not deny,” said lie, “that votir kind words have shaken my resolution. I trust that, if elected, 1 may jusifv vour confidence and prove that I am indeed strong, brave, and self-reliant; that I own no master and fear no man. Suppose • you wait a. minute till I see if my wife will let me accept. ’ ’

From hea<l to heel she was exquisitely modern, and the shop-walker, to whom this fair young thing bad beckoned felt his heart heat all the faster at the honour done him.

She asked him where she could' get “.pencils for the eyebrows.” Unfortunately, the shopwalker was inclined to deafness, and lie misunderstood her.

“The stationery sec.tnon is upstairs madam. ” bo began. “But T want them for eyebrows,” interrupted the slim young woman .somewhat nuzzled.

“Oil. highbrow .stuff! Better ask them at the hook counter.” came the neply.

Tliis little tale is not at the expense of flic Americans, but rather in praise of their instincts.

A Londoner was hurrying along, the Enibankmiaiit to keep an appointment for which In? wjva already late. He was •l opped by a party of American. o , one o' whom a.sked 1 if he would point our. UeoPa.tra’s Needle. “Wh— certainly.” responded the Londoner. “It’s iu.st here.” He indicated' the famous obelisk, and at the same time removed his hat to wine his brow. Whereupon the Americans also uncovered and 1 gazed at the Needle with reverance.

THE WRONG HAT. A worthy Scot was persuaded by his minister to become an elder. The new official was doubtful of his ability *« produce that extempore prayer which’ is sometimes railed for. To make sure that he would never be caught, unawares, he pasted a prayer in his f °ll hat.

The call came at a funeral some days later, when, as the parson had not arrived, the cider was asked for c, n few words.” He went into the hall for his hat. He bowed over 5+ reverently. as did his little audience. To their astonishment the new elder cried out in an agitated voice:— f 'Gv.idnos this is no’ my hat. ”