HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLVI, 21 May 1927, Page 7

HOTCH-POTCH

One of the best instances of absentmindedness is told of a man. who bad dined with a friend one night. The next day he wrote to his friend as follows: “1 left my pipe at your l<-id<’in,"s yesterday; please send it back to me if vou find it. P.S.-Never mind sending the pipe, as I have found it.”

Stories of -laughable mistakes made in court by witnesses are common enough, but few are so funny as that told recently by Mr Justice Rigby [k concerned a dull-witted country yokel who had been cal’ed to give evidence in regard to a motor smash. The point in dismite was whether or not it was a collision, but the word “collision” was obviously a puzzl'e to the witness, who scratched’ hrs -head m bewilderment when it was repeated. “When two things come unexpectedly together, that is a collision, exniaim'd counsel, and on seeing a sudden gleam of intelligence shoot across the man’s face, add eel— .... “Tell the court what a collision is so that we may all be .sure you underSt “Twins.” was the prompt ’reply, given obviously in all good faith.

Jacob was negotiating a- loan from his brother Solly.' Solly was willing to make an advance, but demanded 9 per OC! “Well, said Jacob, “I ain’t kickin’, y’ understand, but vot’ll our poor dear dead fader say ven he looks* down and sees his son gougmjz 9 per cent, out of his own flesh and blood?” “Don’t roti worry about that. Jacob,” replied the lender affably. “Frown vhere he it it’ll look like 6 per cent.” “You know 1 told you a few days after I got my new job that the boss said he’d raise mv wages in a month or so?” “Yes, and didn’t he?” “No. I misunderstood him. He means he’d try to- raise my first week’s wages by that time. I haven’t got it yet.” I am a capitalist, and yet, I am heart and soul for the working man. I am staunchly in favour of the overall-clad sons of toil, who labour day in and out. with hands so calloused and horny that they’ would be unequal to the finesse necessary to the fastening on of a white collar. Nothing fills my heart with so much satisfaction as to watch an overallclothed group going actively about their work of production First, last and all time, I am for the men who wear overalls. I am one of the countries largest manufacturers of overalls. Lily: “I guess Samson and: Delilah put on the first successful vaudeville ■show.” Maid: “How’s' that, old weed?” Lily: “Their act brought down the house! ’ ’ He (selecting gramophone record): “Do you like the simple things?” She*: Gracious! Are you proposing? The. Los Angeles film magnates, scared by’ public opinion, are taking the morals of Hollywood in hand. In future it is anticipated that film stars wanting more than three divorces will have to obtain a. special ration card.

An American yarn of the Turf. An owner who particularly wished to win a certain event went to a drugstore .to ask if there was any preparatioii which would make a racehorse run faster. “Sure,” replied the druggist. “Here y’are, five dollars a capsule.” The owner took it and departed, to return later in the day. “How’d it work?” asked the storekeeper. “Great,” nanted the owner, “my horse went off like a rocket and we ain’t seen him since. Gimme two more capsules, I gotta catch him.”

Cross and Short-Sighted Old Lady (in antique shop): “And here, I‘suppose is another of the horrible portraits, you call ‘art’!” “Excuse me,, madam,” said the shopkeeper, quietly, “but that’s a mirror.”

Two spectators in the stand were discussing the prowess of one of the Rugger three-quarters on view. “Smith’s a good, fellow,” commented one. “It’s a pity you haven’t seen him at his best. He’s been absolutely neglected.” At this- juncture an umbrella descended smartly upon the sjieaker’s head, and he turned to find himself confronted by an angry-eyed woman. “You lie, young man,” hissed the lady: “Smith has a charming home and most adoring parents.”

“I want a girl,” announced the office boss to his secretary, “who is a high school graduate and who can spell words of two/syllables. And I want a girl who knows something about business; I want a girl who has ambition to become an executive.”

“Yes, sir,” replied the secretary, looking up from the notes she’d made. “Then you want four new girls for the inner office?”

The daughter of the house had just returned from a visit to some friends; and had returned, moreover, engaged to' be married to one of those-rare individuals —a young man eligible in every way.

“Mother,” she exclaimed, by way of extolling the virtues of her intended, “he’s just grand. So square, so upright, so highly polished. Why, even in his notes there is a tone so sympathetic that, sometimes T wonder if I’m—”

“My dear girl,” interrupted her prosaic mother, “are you talking about a young man or a piano?”