HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLVI, 5 March 1927, Page 18

HOTCH-POTCH

Caddie: I’ve _got the ball we lost yesterday. A kid had it. GWfer': That’s good! Here, I’ll give you what you gave him for it. Caddie: No thanks. I gave him » "black eye! A pacifistio gentleman stopped to try to sett'e a juvenile row. “My boy,” he .said to one of the combatants, “do you know what the Good Book says about fighting?” “Aw!” snorted the youth, “fightin’ ain’t one of them things you kin get out of a book, mister.” Policeman (to pedestrian, just struck by hit-and-run driver) : “Did you get his nurnmer?” Victim: “No, but I’d recognise his laugh anywhere.” He: If you loved me, why did you refuse me at first? She: I wanted to see what you would do. He: But 1 might have rushed bff without waiting for an explanation. She: Hardly. I had the door locked. “Whatever became of that portable garage of yours?” “Oh, I tied the bull-dog to it the other night and a cat ran by him.” “Our museum has acquired a new Rembrandt!” “About time, too. The other one was getting very old!” Shopman: “Christmas presents, madam? Something useful or ornamental?” Shopper: “No—neither! It’s a wedding present I want.”

“The children need something new every week. You have no children, hence you cannot understand.” “I understand, old chap ; I have an automobi’e.” Employee ; “Sir, can you let me off to-morrow afternoon to go Christmas shopping with my wife?” Emp'oyer: “Certainly not! We are too busy!” Employee (much relieved) : “Thank yon, sir. you are very kind!” Two Scotsmen died and passed on to the next life. They met and began to discuss their old home and their new surroundings. “You know,” said one of them. “I’m no .sae impressed. I dinna think that Heaven is eae mich better than Peebles after a’. Of course, it’s better. but no a great deal, ye ken.” His friend stared at him solemnly. “Mon,” he said, “this is no’ Heaven!” Little Gir 1 (whose mother has bought her a pair of woollen gloves for Christmas) : “Oh but. Mama, I wish you had bought kid gloves. .I hate this kind; they make mv sweets tso hairy!”

First carpenter: “Joe how do you make a Venetian blind?” Another carp: “Ay that’s easy, stick your finger in his eye.” “Uncle Robert, when does your football team May?” “Football team? What do you mean, my boy?” “Whv. I heard' father say that when vou kicked off we’d be able to afford a big aut-omobile.' 5 Mayme (on crowded street car): “Wot-cha cot in that package, Sadie?” Sadie: “One o’ them portable radios.’ Mayme: “Choc I If yuh can tune in, “The Star Spangled Banner” mebbe we can git n Kent.” The following is the time retort made by one of two second lieutenants' in hospital in England in the summer of 1918. Said, one to the other: “Were you in the March retreat, then?” • “Was I in the March retreat?” came the replv. “My dear sir, I voiw nearly led it'!”

Liza was on the witness stand- “ Are you positive” inquired the prosecutor. “that you know where your husband was on the night this crime was committed ” “Ef Ah dicin’,’’ replied the witness firmly, ‘den Ah busted'a good rollin’ pin ovnb an innereent man’s haid, dat’s all!” Gordon, seven years old, was playing bandit, and for some time had been staggering around as if badly wounded, without actually . toppling over as a victim of the imaginary l bullets of his playmates. A. neighbour watching the crame called to him: “Gordon! "Why don’t, you fall down?” “I can’t,” answered! the ibey crossly: “T’m not allowed to. If I had on my old pants I’d have been dead long ago. ” “I don’t believe you love me any more.” soblted the sheba. “Whv do you say that, dearie?” as.Vod the sheik anxiously. “Well, for the last week you’ve left every night before father threatened to throw vou out.”

Women may be as able as men at automobile driving, but we men, as expert pedestrians, always jump faster and farther when he find ourselves in the path of a woman-driven car. The, mother was ill in, a home where a radio had recently Ijeen installed. The doctor came and small Emily looked on wonderingly as he used the stethoscope. “What station is he trying to get, mother?” she asked, when she could no longer contain her curiosity. A film actress says she is tired 1 of seeing her own face. It is untrue, however, that she has discarded] her handbag , and relies on candidi friends to tell her if her nose is shiny.