HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLVI, 13 November 1926, Page 18

HOTCH-POTCH

—4 Freshman (jtimidly): Where is the library building, please ? Senior (wearily); If we have one you’ll find it mentioned in the catalogue. Butler: A lady wishes to speak to you on the ’phone, sir. Young Londoner: How do you know she is a lady? “She said, ‘ls that you, old pickled onion?” when I answered, sir!” “I forgot myself to-day and spoke sharply to my wife. •‘Did sne resent it?” “For a moment she did- But Maria is a lajr-minded woman—after she had thought it over she shook hands with me ahu congratulated me on my pluck.’”

The young mistress of . the house entered the kitchen, carrying herself with great dignity. She had come to call the cook to account. “Jane,” she said, -‘I must insist that you have less company in the kitchen. Last night I was kept awake by the uproarious laughter of one of your women friends.” “Yes, mum,” said Jane, cheerfully, “I know; but she couldn’t help it, mum. I was telling her how you tried to make a cake yestenday morning.”

Farmer Hayseed made his way into the village post office, which was the general store at the same time. “Anything for me, Seth?” he enquired of the postmaster. The other raked over a few parcels and letters, but found nothing. ‘‘Don’t see nothing, Jake,” he said; “did you expect something?” ■‘Yes,” answered the farmer. “I was expecting a card from Aunt Jenny telling me when she’s coming.” “Hannah,” called the postmaster to his wife, “seen a card from Jake’s Aunt Jenny ?” “Yes,” came the prompt answer, ‘‘she’s coming down on Tuesday.”

“I can never understand,” said Thompson to his friend, “why you insist on calling your new house a bungalow.” “Well, it’s very esily explained,” was the reply. “In the first place the job was a bungle, and in the second I still owe for it.”

Mr. Jones; “I’m going to bring young Yabsley home to-night.” Mrs. Jones: “Why, we haven't a thing to eat in the house, the cook is intoxicated, baby has whooping cough, and mother is coining! ” Mr. Jones: “Yes, that’s why I’m going to bring him home! The young idiot is thinking of getting married.”

Joan: “You know that permanent cold-water dye you sold mo?” Chemist: “Yes, madam.” Joan: “Well, it’s one of the also ran.s.’ ’

“Now, can anyone tell me what a mvth is?” asked the teacher.

A solitary‘hand was raised, and a voice exclaimed: “Pleac, Miss, it’s a female moth.”

“What would your mother say, little ooy,- - askeu the passer-by, “if ahe aemU you talking nice tnat?” "SUo'u be jony pleased if she could near me/' answered the boy. “ixowY” “Because she’s stone deaf.’* “noiv Uia you like the pul uJ mara. vou vestcraav r vrrt.j iuui u.LU-i..ai;iuc; i nave been using a iu s.icK. stamps mio my aI.JU.-li {Sarcastic Tourist: “Bo you remember way back to the Be Volution, do you?” Old Darkic: “Yassa. Do Revolution and Gin’l Washington an’ all them.” Sarcastic Tourist: “Perhaps you were a witness of the fall of Rome?” Old Darkie': “Nossa, Ah didn’t ex\ackly see it, but Ah recollect hearin’ something drop! ” He: “D’vou know, I simply loathe that, man over there.” She: “Sir, that's my husband!” He: “ Oh—ah—ves —l—ah—that's why I loathe him.” " i Friend: “Hullo, Smith. You look a bit tired this morning. Been burning the midnight oil?” Harassed Father of Twins: “No, the midnight milk.” First Modern Wife: “Seen your hubby lately, Phoebe?” Second Modern Wife: “Why, yes. Ran across him at breakfast only last week!”

Cousin (to Bobby, after tea-party): “What’s the matter, Bobby? You look mournful. ’ ’ Bobby: “That’s what is the matter. I am morc’n full.” Teacher: “Desmond, what is the spinal column?” Desmond: “The spinal column is-what my head sits on one end pf, and 1 sit on the other.”. She: “I’m going to sell kisses at the charity bazaar to-night. Do you think five shillings is too much to charge for them ?! ’ Hubby: “No; people expect to get cheated at these affairs.” Binks: “When we -were married five years ago we agreed that I should have the decision on all important matters and my wife on unimportant ones.” Jinks: “And does it work well?” Binks: “Very well. Up till now only * unimportant things have happened!”