HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLVI, 31 July 1926, Page 7

HOTCH-POTCH

A certain sour spinster always became annoyed when asked a question the answer to which she considered obvious. Thus on. the last night of April she asked the girl at the hotel desk to call her early the next morning by ringing the telephone bell in her bedroom.

“To catch a train?’’ asked the girl pleasantly. “For wlmt other reason does one wish to he called early?’’ “Sometimes one is to be Queen of the May,’’ suggested the girl, still pleasantly.

Teacher, having explained the postman ’si various duties, proceeded to ask the. class: “Who pays the postman’s wages ? ’ ’ Pupil: “Please, miss, the rates.” Teacher: “And what are rates?” Pupil: “Please, miss, things wot goes up!”

A small boy was looking al the bust of lii&i late grandfather —a. bust mounted on a little. circular stand. Having asked his mother if his grandpapa was very wise and good, he added:

“jAnd was that all there was of grandpapa? ’’

‘“Want a situation as errand boy, do you? Well, can you tell: me how far the moon is from the earth, eh?” “Well, guv’nor, I don’t know that,” answered the boy, “but I reckon it ain’t near enough, to interfere with me running your errands.” He got the job.

“Am I the only woman you ever loved?’ ’

“Oh, no,” he answered, promptly; “you are the sixth.” “The sixth!” she exclaimed, suddenly relieving, his 'shoulder of the weight of her licai.

“Yes,” lie said, coldly; “there were five before von —my mother, an aunt, and three sisters.’’ And thereafter she. endeavoured to be more specific, when she asked questions.

He, was a. smart young commercial traveller, and lie rather resented the fact that the hotel porter had directed him to the. room reserved for members of his profession. “You’re a traveller, aren’t you?” said the porter. “Yes, but what's that got to do with you?” “I was only wondering what your line was—what you carried.” Seeing an opening for smartness, the young man saidl: “Oh, it wouldn’t interest you. I travel in brains.” “You ought to carry samples,” said the porter.

Jobson. has the reputation of making- his clothes last —even -if they might, get a little shabby.

“Tt’s wonderful how you do it,” a friend said to him. “That hat you’ve had for four years, and. the overcoat for seven.” “Yes: and look at this l umbrella,” replied: .Jobson, proudly. “1 bought it eight years ago. 1 had it re-covcretl in .1920 and' 1922, three 1 new ribs in 1923. and a fresh -handle last year.’’ “Really?” commented his friend. “-Well, it looks very good now.’’ “Oh. yes!” replied Jobson, in tin offhand way. “1 changed it for a new one in a restaurant last week!”

The teacher of the class in English at an American school demanded that that the pupils all write for thejr daily exercise a brief account of a baseball game. One boy sat through the. period seemingly wrapped in thought, while the others worked hard, and turned in their narratives. After school the teacher approached the desk of the laggard. “I’ll give you five minutes to write that description.” he said sternly; “if it is not done, by that time 1 shall punish vou.,” The boy promptly* concentrated all his attention upon the theme as the teacher slowly counted the moments. At last, with .joyful eagerness, lie scratched a line on, his tablet, and handed it to his master. Tt read.: “Snow—no game.”

“Sis,” said a bright youth to his sister, who was putting the finishing touches on her toilet, “you ought to marry a burglar.” “What do you mean by such nonsense?” “I moan that you and a burglar would get along very well together—.you have the false locks, and he has the false keys. ’ ’

Professor: Wliat is the most common conductor of electricity? Student (very much at sea): Why—er — Professor: Wire. Correct. Now tell me what is the unit of power? Student (all the more bewildered'): Tlie what, sir? \ Professor: Y’es, the watt. Very good. .

“What’s the matter with the dog,” asked the Yankee. “He’s a very good: dog, a, very good dog,” replied the darkey. “Yes, he looks a good, dog, but why does he keep on howling?” “Wal, sir, I guess lie’s lazy —just la/.v.” ' “Lazy—but why should that make him howl?” ‘’‘Wal, you see, lie’s sittin’ on a thistle. ’ ’

The new salesman, although enthusiastic, could not be described as altogether convincing. “This,” he said', “is one of the finest, blankets produced' to-day. In material and in construction it is far above anything at present on the market. For the price there is nothing to touch it.” “What is the price?” his customer inquired. “Just a minute and' I will enquire,” was the reply.

“Jimmie, what is a person called who steals?” asked the teacher. “L don’t, know, teacher,” replied Jimmie promptly. “ Now, Jimmie,” the teacher went on, “suppose I were, to put my hand in your pocket and take out a. penny, what would you call me?” “Please, teacher, I’d call you a conjurer,” said the lad.

have I. John Henries advised him to invest —and Merries left Barlowe two days ago. He knew what was coming. He lias gone to France. And Unde Roger says we shall none of us ever see him again. It —it was the saddest letter I over read. Oh, Rachel ” But, with n little sigh, Rachel slipped from Muriel’s arms and fell fainting to the ground. (To be Uo Hit ilined.)