HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLVI, 17 April 1926, Page 16

HOTCH-POTCH

Algy’s acquiring a- moustacho ’Neath his patrician beak; Getting it on the instalment plan, A little down per week. Little Hans: “Father. I don’t want to go to school any more. My teacher is silly. Yesterday she said that four and one make five, and to-day she told us that, three and two make five.” “Do vou think steel stocks will go up or down?” asked the inquisitive one. “Yes,” was' the stockbroker’s answer. “I think they will. They rarely stand still, and they can’t go sidewise! ” First Artist: “I notice that Dauber has given up landscape painting. How’s that?” Second artist: “He can’t get out of his- studio to do any sketching. There’s always a string of creditors lying in wait for him.” Mr Bragga: “I. suppose: yon know I ’nv singing in the church choir now? ’ ’ Patient friend: “No, I didn’t.” Mr Bragga: “But surely your brother Tom told you I had joined the choir?” Patient friend: “Oh, yes, he told me that, ” The stockbroker; was very ill, and at times delirious. In one of his lucid moments he asked the nurse- what the last reading had shown his temperature to he. “One hundred and one,” replied the nurse. ‘!‘Good, ” said the patient. “When it gets to 1011, sell Landlady: “I won’t make any charge for the chicken you had for • dinner, because me and my husband can’t agnee oh what it died of. You might send' us word if anything happens which will prove it.” “What do you think of women who imitate men?” “They are fools.” , “No, 1,, really do not believe that they imitate them to that extent.” George: “Did you sound the family about our marriage?” Georgette: “Yes, and Dad sounded the worst. ’ ’ “The only way for a man. to learn all labout women is to get married.’' “And study the ways of his wife?” “(No; listen to what she tells him . about, other women. ’ ’ Mother.: “Where, has Owen gone?” Father: “Well', if the ice is as strong as he thinks it is, he has gone skating —if not, he has gone swimming.-’ ’ Father: “Here’s another bill, Mary. Do yon never think of providing for a rainy day?” Mary.: “Of course, father. That’s for a fain coat and a> new umbrella.” ■ > The question under discussion was mottoes. One. boarder was challenged to evolve a suitable motto for the boarding-house. “Let bygones be hash,” he promptly suggested. You ean’t blame a spinster for being particular; if she hadn’t been particular she wouldn’t be one. Irate Pater: “Young man, have you i ever kissed my daughter?” Young-*-Man: “I really couldn’t say, sir.’” i “What! You can’t say?” “No, sir, you see, sir, I promised her I wouldn’t tell. ” . .: ' Magistrate: “ What made you steal this gentleman’s door-mat?” Prisoner: “Why, your Honour, it said ‘Welcome’ on it in letters as big as your arm.” She (indignantly): “Engaged to four girls at once. How do you explain such conduct?” He (gloomily) : “I don’t know. I suppose Cupid must have shot me with, a machine-gun. ” Phyllis: “Since you’ve been in- love you seem to have a far-away expression in your eyes” Marjorie: “There’s a reason, dear. Charlie always kisses me when I’m not looking.” Brown.—“l once possessed a. splendid dog. He could always distinguish between a vagabond and a, respectable person.” Jones. —“Well, what’s became of him ” Brown. —“Oh, I was obliged to give him away. He bit me.” Grocer.--‘‘Don’t y<*u find that a baby brightens up a household wonderfully?” Woman Customer.—“ Yes. we have the electric lights going most of the time how.’' Irate man: “Great heavens! I have } sat down on the wet paint in a new suit.” Hind painter: “Oh, never mind. We can paint it again!” “There’s poetry in everything,” observed the poet. “You’re right.” replied the editor. “For instance, there’s a basket full of it over in the corner!” Mother: Tommy, you mustn’t eat ice cream like that. I knew a boy who . ate his ice. cream so fast that he died ''4 before he had eaten' half. / Tommy: What happened to the half? Artist: Now give me your candid opinion of this picture! Critic: It’s utterly worthless. Artist: Yes, I know your opinion is worthless, but I am curious to hear it, nevertheless. “So you don’t believe in vaccination. Mrs Agronomy.” “No, indeed, Bella. Three weekis after little Yokel was vaccinated he fell out of the window and broke his neck. ’ ’ Actor: When I am on the stage, I only see my part—the audience disappears completely!. His Friend: I don’t blame them. Catrina: “You kiss me as though you have had experience. ’ ’ Karl (coldly) : “How do you know?” “Alice boasts that she never borrows trouble.” “No, that is a thing that she prefers‘to give.” Wife (from above): “Ready in a. minute!” Husband (a little later): “No hurry now, dear! I’ve got to shave again! ” Mistress,. to new maid): “Why, it seems to me that, you want very large wages for one who has had so little experience. ” Maid: “Sure, mum, ain’t it harder for me when I don’t know how?” •