HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLV, 2 January 1926, Page 16

HOTCH-POTCH

The old country mansion lia<l been turned into a clubhouse, and? the suiroundiiig sylvan park into a. magnificent golf course. Naturally the members or the ciuu were extraoru'inarir.v (proud of their luxurious quarters, with the pievipus owners’ hunting trophies still adorning the walls. . One day a member was showing a. visitor over thg place. • ‘T say, this is line,” remarked the stranger as he stepped into the oaltpanelled hall. He waved his hand in the direction of the mounted heads of stags, caribou, and moose. “Tell me, did they kill all these fe lows with golf balls?' “A proverb says ‘Add nought to the truth. •T suspect that is wliat these movie stars do when they are telling wliat salaries they get—£loo becomes £1000.” Doctor: “Do you talk in your sleep?” . Patient: “No; 1 talk ,*n. otliei people’s. I’m a clerg3’man.’' Dora: “What shall I sing for you, Jack?” Jack: “Have you a song with a refrain?” Dora: “Yes.” • . ~ Jack: “Well, then, please refrain. Jones was an enthusiastic spectator at a big race. Having little knowledge of the sport, and being anxious to have a small bet, he looked over tho list of runners until his eye rested on Behave Yourself.” „ , Jones was one of. the few who ■won on the race. . . , “How did you happen to pick the winner?” asked a, friend. “I had an idea. ‘Behave yourself was the last thing my wife said to me. when I left home.” Manoeuvres in which the Red and the Blue .Armies had engaged in mimic warfare had ended. They were afterwards the subject* of conversation. “Yes, I was at the manoeuvres, ’ remarked a talkative stranger. I was with the Blue Army.” “Tell us about it,” said a companion. “Well, the first day 1 took one of the Red’s officers.” * 4 Yes “And the next day I took eight men. ’ ’ “Well, well!” “Yes, and the day after that I took a lot of transport wagons and a big gun.” “I say, my friend,” said an. astonished listener, “what are you, anyway?” “A photographer,” replied the stranger.

Increased "earnings invariably bring increased yearnings. Those who a’wavs depend on luck will soon have nothing else to depend on. Nobody loses anything by politeness, hub,many people seem afraid to risk it; Newly-wed: “What’s wrong with the pie-crust? It doesn’t half cover the pie.” Mrs New’y wed : “Why, dearest, 1 asked your mother how to make pies to suit you, and she said to make the crust very sho%.” Dorothv (after refusing him for the third time): “Please don’t ask me again, i wouldn’t marry you if you were worth a million pounds.” Thomas: “Don’t worry. In that case I'd never ask you.” Bil’ie: “Pa sent me for a piece of rope like this. Dealer: “How much does he want?”’ “Just enough to reach from the goat to the fence.” “Darling,” cooed the lover as he gazed at the girl’s ears, “haveyou never had these pink shells joierced?” His beloved yawned. “No,” she sighed, “hut they’ve often been bored.” “What makes you 'ook so tired?” an undersized Cockney was asked the other clay. “Well, it’s like this,” he replied. “Mv wife is walking to get her weight down, and the only time she can do it without attracting attention is in the evening. She insists that Igo with her. even if lam tired. The last two weeks 1 have lost eight pounds and she has gained two ounces.” The hour was very ! a.te and all' was hushed and dark. Suddenly the stillness was broken by a crash from upstairs. “G-g-g-good heavens, what was that, d-d-darling?” exclaimed the timid young man. “Merely father dropping a hint,” replied the girl, quite una’armed and snuggling closer. After writing a prescription for a patient, the doctor told him that the chemist would probably charge half a crown for making up the medicine. The patient asked the doctor to ’oncl him the money, so the doctor carefully scratched out a part of the proscription and handed it back with a shilling, remarking: - “You can have that made up for threepence. What I scratched out' was V,r vour nerves.”

THE THREE STAGES. When a man is twenty And a maiden cries for aid, He’ll dash through any danger, Through any seas he’ll wade. Her cries raised at the seaside Dissolve a : l thought of fear. He will not pause to doff his coat. Rut dive straight off’ the pier. And when a man is thirty He’ll answer to her cad, He’ll clash along the shaking wharf With no delay at all, And then as she is yelling All dignity will go, And to the drowning maiden A life-belt he will throw. And when a man is forty Thp gir's will call the same. You’ll see him madly running, Right to the last he’s game. Like mad, you’ll see him dashing Then pause, and with a grin, Look on while some young hero Takes the header in.