HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLV, 1 August 1925, Page 18

HOTCH-POTCH

There is nothing dearer to a man than a good wife —with the exception of her shopping expeditions.

Tramp.—“l was not always thus.’ Madame.—“ No. it was your other arm you had in a sling yesterday.' 5

“The worst thing about being, a bachelor is that one’s name dies with one.” “What i.s your name. “Smith.”

Mabel.—“ Does your husband still suffer from his neuralgia f ” Maud.— “Yes; but not nearly .so much as the rest of us do.”

“Your wife is a very intelligent woman.” “Yes—she has brains enough for two.” “Is that why you married her?”

“If this doesn’t cure you, come hack and I’ll give you something that will, “Couldn’t you give it me now, doctor?” ‘

Arriving Missionary.—“ May 1 ask wliat. course you intend to take with me?” Cannibal King.—“ The regular one. You’ll follow the fish.”

Will. —“What made Jones give up smoking?” Jack.—“Lt- s only temporary. He doesn’t want his wife to give, him cigans for a, birthday present.’

The Parson. —“Always speak well of vour neighbour. Mrs. Nextdoor. -“I do! And yet I assure you. she is one of the most detestable c-reatures- on earth. ’ ’

He. —“Now, . don’t forget, dearest, that for family reasons cur engagement must lie kept a secret.” She. “Yes. that’s exactly what I’m telling everybody.”

“Why. whatever has become of your watch? The one you used to have had a handsome gold ease.” “I know ithad, but circumstances alter cases.”

Friend. —“How much have repairs cost you since you ve been riding .a bicycle?” C'ycilist.— “Repairs to what —myself or the machine?”

Teacher.—“ What is the meaning of a false doctrine?” Johnny.—“ That's when the doctor gives the wrong, stuff to sick people.”

Visitor.—•“! presume your children ask you a great many embarrassing questions?” Dad.—“ Yes, it’s wonderful how like their mother those youngsters a re! ”

Jack. —“Gan your mother look at your hands and tell your fortune?” Tommy.—“No, whenever she looks at my hands she tells me to go an’ wash 'em!”

‘‘Jones . ha,s a. horse which he calls ‘lmagination.’ ” ‘[How the old thing runs away with him.”

Wife (testily),—“Oh, you needn’t think you’re so wonderful. The night vou pro-nosed to me you looked absolutely »Llly!” Hubby.—“A coincidence. The fact is, I was absolutely silly!’’

“Harry,” exclaimed the blushing maiden, “this declaration of love is so shdden that T scaivelv know what to say. It unnerves me.” “T was afraid it might.’” said the voting chemist, rising with alacritv from'his knees, “and I brought with me a bottle of my unrivalled nerve tonic.' Tills preparation, darling.” he added, soothingly. as lie took the bottle from hi.si rocket,- end quickly extracted the co” 1 --. i\nd n-mred a 'quantity of the medicine into si spoon he had also brought with, him. “wl'l allay any undue excitement, quiet the nerves, aid digestion, and restore lo«ib anrjetJte. I sell it, at Is 3d a bottle. This is a dose for an adult. Take it, clearest.”

The annual golf tournament wa.> in progress, and most of the inhabitants of the village had turned out to witness the game.” All went well until General Stoney took his place at the tee. He looked determined, and prepared for a mighty stroke. Taking careful aim, lie drove off.

There was a crash. Something had gone through one of the windows of the club-house. It was not the ball, but. a large piece of earth and dirt. ‘‘ Ex traordi nary ! ” grunted the geiieral.

“Yes, it did seem a hit out of the common,” . remarked the sarcastic rival.

Workmen were redecorating the great actor’s house, and he asked •iome of them if they would like to see. his performance at the Phoenix Theatre.

He gave them free tickets. At the end of the w eektlie famous tragedian happened to catch sight of the men’s pay-sheets. After each name appeared this —“Thursday' Night. Eour hours’ overtime—Bs. ” . " •

The pretty girl sat bn his knee. “Ethel,” he said, “you have your father’s'bonny, blue eyes." “Go on,” she laughed; “don’t talk so silly.” ■ ■ “Rut you have,, dear. And you have your mother’s golden h.ai r. ’’, Then she clapped a hand over his month and whispered in his ear: “ ’S-sli! Don’t speak so loud, John ; she doesn’t know I’m wearing it !” Benson ; “Women are just like babies —they want everything they see.” * ' Dennis: “Yes ; the only difference be_A ing that they usually get what they..-! want.” ' * • Jack.—“So your father demurred at first because he didn’t want to lose vou?” May.—“ Yes; but-I won his consent. 1 told him that he need not hse me. We con’d live with him, and so he would not only have me, but a son-in-law to boot.” “H’m! I don’t half like that last expression.”. The young man was spending his ' holiday at the seaside, and thought he' wou'd like to take a boat out for an - hour. Hiving hired one, he stepped; aside and cautiously' seized the oars.y “I haven’t hroaeht my watch with me,” u <? said to the boaman, ‘‘so I shall have i vue.es when mv time is up.” “Oh,' that's all right, sir,” came the careless ”' v : “vouT' know by the amount of w«.t«r hi hm\ sinks after about- . >n hour and a half.”