HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLV, 4 July 1925, Page 18

HOTCH-POTCH

Two young women were talking in a street car. “My sister and me," said one,, “we ain’t no more alike than it we wasn’t us. Yes, she’s just as different as I be, only the other way. ’

First Tired Dancer.—“ Dull show this.” Second Tired Dancer.-—“\ ery dull!” First Tired Dancer. — “Can't we get out;-” Second Tired Dancer. — “You can. Unfortunately Jam not so lucky. !. am the host.”

Ylrs. Brown. — “I admire Dr. Young immensely, lie is so persevering in the face of difficulties that lie always reminds me of patience sitting on a monument.” Air. Brown. —‘(Yes; but what 1 am becoming rather alarmeu about is Die number of monuments sitting on his patients.”

“Father,” said Billy, “may I ask you just one more question betore I go to bed?’’ “Well,” said fatner, who was tired of questions, “you may ask me just this one and no more. You uudeistand?” “Well, father,” said Biliy, 'ipd been your brother should I have been mv own uncle!-'”

In this dreary weather one hugs to one’s bosom the'memories of high, summer. It was a day of torrid sunshine, and the midges were having the time of their lives in the bed of giant black currants, where the old Scots gardener was struggling with fruit nets. Like most of his kind, he had the gift of pithy utterance. “Y© wad think,” he muttered, as he emerged with, face and neck all swollen, “that they liadna tasted meat for a month.”

Eight o’clock boomed the big clock. The young man glanced up at it and his brow furrowed with an angry frown. He had been waiting for some time, and. however, waiting with impatience. “Why doesn’t she come ?” lie muttered. “She’s already hours fate for our appointment.” • At last she appeared. ”You should carry a watch,”, iie told her in an annoyed tone. “But you know I always break them,” she explained, soothingly. “Well, you might at least carry a calendar.”

The motorist was quite certain that he had not been exceeding the speed limit, so he was astonished when the policeman held up his hand and brought him to a standstill. “I say,” protested the driver, “I wasn’t doing more than 10 miles an hour—J swear it. ’ “Oh. that’s all right!” replied the officer. “I wasn’t worrying about that, but- I’d lie obliged to you if you’d lend me a drop of petrol. I am going to a wedding to-morrow and I want to clean my gloves.”

The genius of a certain Arkansas editor showed itself recently when he printed the following news item in the local columns of his paper: “Aliss Beaulah Blank, a. Batesyille lieUe of twenty summers, is visiting her twin brother, aged thirty-two.”

' rr There aire just two things that break un most of the happy homes nowadays.”' “Wlmt are they!'”’ “’Woman’s love for dry goods and man’s love for wet goods.”

“Let’s stay at home to-night!” said the modern young husband. ‘l’d like to. dear,” said' the modern young wife. “But we must be careful not to let ourselves stagnate. We stayed at home one night last month and two the month before.”

An English lord who had just arrived from England was talking to an American Boy Scout.

“Aly grandfather,” he said, “was a very great man. One day Queen \ ictoria touched liis shoulder with a sword and made him a lord.”

“Aw, that’s nothing," the Boy Scout replied. “One day Red Wing, an Indian, touched my grandfather on the head with a tomahawk and made him an angel.”

Helen was at her first party. When the refreshments were served s'.ie refused a second helping of ice-cream with a polite “No, thank you,” though she looked wistful.

“Do have some more, dear,” the hostess! urged. “Mother told me to say, ‘No thank vou,’ ’’ the little girl explained naively, “but I don't believe she knew how smail the dishes were going to be.”

Tittle Lucie had been to hear -a. missionary talk at Sunday school. -“Did he te.ll yo-u about the poor heathen?” inquired! father at the dinner table. “Yes. father,” answered the child. “He said they were often very hungry, and when they beat on their turn-turns it could be heard for miles round.”

Sis: Brother, will you get my watch, it’s upstairs? Bm. : Aw, wait a while and it’ll run down. “Oh. no, it won't, my dear; ours is a winding staircase.”

At a recent examination the inspector asked the children this Question : .“Why was Moses hidden in the bulrushes?” There was no answer for some time. At last lie said : “Come. come, children, vow must know.” Then a little hand went up, and the inspector, looking at tie- elder children, said: “I should he ashamed letting a little ill up like that beat you. Well, my little man, tell ‘■hem whv .Moses was hidden in the bulrushes!’’ “Please, sir ] ’spect ’twas to ’scape being waxinated,” was the unexpected reply.

Boy: “What is a roost, father?” Father: “A roost is a pole on which chickens roost at night.” And what is ■i perch, father?” “A perch is what •hiekoas perch on at night.” “Well, father, couldn’t chickens iroost on a perch?” “Why. of course they could.” ‘And couldn’t they perch on a roost?” “Certainly.” “But if the chickens perchpd on a roost, that would make a rost a perch, wouldn’t it?” “Oh. goodness! Yes. of course.” “But if after some chickens had perched on a roost and made it a perch, some others came along and mounted on the perch, and made it n roost, then tho goost would be a perch, and the perch would be a roost, and some of the chickens would be roosters and others would be.perclinrs. and ’’ “Susan! Susan! Take* this e-lii’d to bed at once.”

One theory of compensation is that a person should he paid for his work according to its difficulty, and not according to the skill with which he performs it. A woman of whom the Tatb*r tells was a convinced adherent to that theory. A lady was about to engaa maid. “It seems to me,” she said, “that von ask very high wages, seeing that you’ve had no experience.’’

“Oli. no muni,” answered the g*r- earn°sOv: “von sec, it’s much harde,r work when von don’t know how.”

Tommy asked) his m''.‘her if he could go to a-f"ucy dress dance as a milkman. “Oh .no, dear,” replied his mother, “you are much too small.”

“But Mummies” pleaded Tomjny, “I could go as a condensed milkman.”