FALSE ALARM.

Hastings Standard, Volume XIII, Issue 4204, 10 July 1909, Page 3 (Supplement)

FALSE ALARM.

F The constable woke with a horrid start ere lie'd finished his dream of pie, for p screech rang out like a soul in pain, with the clanking creak of a rusty chain, and a sibilant, sobbing sigh. A moan came down on the wings of the wind, with agony in its wake; there were groans that conjured up visions galore of writhing victims in pools of gore and martyrs burnt at the stake. "There's a dire deed done!" gasped the valiant one, as he jerked out his truncheon true, and he kicked in the door with a hobnailed hoot, while the rats in the hill did a squeaking scoot, and the stars blinked a pallid hue. Through a lone keyhole scaped a wild, weird cry, a growl like a dog with a bone, but the constable capered and candidly cussed when he found the cause of the row was just a uinepeimy gramophone. ON A CALM. STILL NIGHT. It was indeed a beautiful night. The gentle zephyrs played musically amid the delicate fronds of the turnip-tops, and wafted from far-distant fields the subtle perfume of the luscious onion and the fragrance of decaying cabbages. "Betsy," he whispered, as they sat together on the fence surrounding Airs. Filligan's pigsty, " 'Ow beautiful you be! Jes' think of it, Betsy! When us bo married us will have a pig of our. own! Think of that, Betsy!" "lan," she whispered, a note of resentment in her voice, "what do I care for pigs? I sha'n't want a pig when I've got you!" Then all was silent once more, save for the musical frolics of the zephyrs already mentioned. AN UNWORKABLE SCHEME. "No, James, I cannot marry you!" James looked frightened, hurt,' displeased. "Why not?" he asked. "There is too much compatibility of temperament about us, James," said the girl, her lip curline with faint scorn. "Too much compatibility? But isn't that a good thing?"' asked the puzzled young man. "Not always,"' she answered. "For instance, judging from the size of your income, if we were married I should undoubtedly insist, from motives of economv, on dispensing with' a servant and doing my own housework, and in your comnatibility, James, you would undoubtedly let me do it."