Odds and Ends.

Hastings Standard, Issue 38, 10 June 1896, Page 4

Odds and Ends.

There is a milkman at Brixton who has a ready wit that a lawyer might envy. One of his customers caught him watering his milk at a horse-trough the other day. "What?" said the customer in a rage, "isn't it enough that your milk is full of typhoid without you going and watering it'?" The milkman turned round, and, smiling compassionately, said to two or three bystanders : " What con you do with a man like this ? He actually wants his typhoid straight." There is a couple living in the vicinity of Boston who two years ago were nursed in the lap of luxury ; that is to say, they were very wealthy. In a fatal hour the husband took to amateur fanning, ami the wife became her own milliner and dressmaker. The last seen of the unfortunate pair was, last week, when they entered the cars en route for die almshouse. It is said that Julius Ctesar suffered a whole week with toothache before he would consent to have it pulled : and evuu then he wanted to take laughinggas : but the dentist told him that laughing-gas had not been invented.

An old deacon was asked the other day. " How do you like your pastor ?" ••First rate," he replied, '• except in one thing." " What's that'? " " Itis this," continued the deacon, " he insists on telling jokes. I never like to laugh when 1 dou.t want to laugh, and yet I have to do it constantly, just to save the pastor's feelings."