Odds and Ends from all Quarters.

Hastings Standard, Issue 9, 6 May 1896, Page 4

Odds and Ends from all Quarters.

The song of the meter has many feet.

Bogus coflee is giving great grounds lor complaint.

In his loneliness the teamster tells his horses of his whoas.

The man who can't support himself is the first to take a wife.

A man is like a match, not worth anything when he loses his head. A man doesn't begin to be much of a liar until he owns a dog.

The average Transatlantic steamer should be given a wide berth. If there is really such a thing as a game leg, it must be got in the game of foot-ball.

The oarsman delights in a sliding seat, but the man who su ps on orange peel does not. Two of the most important industries in this country seem to be foothall and dyspepsia. There are some men so stingy that they would save all jokes at thuir own expense.

A dancing master, having invented a new style of waltz, announces a new movement on foot. Darwin must have had the toboggan slide in mind when he wrote "'The Descent of Man." The blackthorn is also known as the sloe, but not whin it is in the hands of a wild Irishman.

If some of the keys of a piano were utilised to lock it up this world would be a little l.riuhu >\

If we could sc." ourselves as others see us, what a wholesale smashing of mirrors would take place.

First love and a first shave come but once in a man's lifetime, and neither usually has much result.

In fiussia it is never asked " What's in a name '? " It is taken for granted that it is the whole alphabet. A country youth wishes to know " how long girls should be courted." "Why, the same as short girls of course.

The way to get rid of an organgrinder is to pay him b fore he begins. Then he will leave at the end of the first tune.

41 What is more lovely than a peaceful grandmother ? " asks an exchange. A wealthy grandfather is the right answer.

A great many people may think that Bacon wrote Shakspere ; but no one seems to imagine that Shakspere wrote Bacon. When you are in a tramcar and anxious to reach home, how slowly it goes. But when you have to run to catch it, how fast it goes.

When a man begins frankly—''Well sir, I am ashamed to say—" he generally has something to tell of himself that he is proud of. Old Mr Bently (reading the paper) —I see that Solomon has been indicted for bigamy. Old Mrs Bently—W ell it's 'bout time. The idea of a man having seven hundred wive-. " Johnny, I have discovered that yon have taken more sugar than I gave you." " Yes, grandma, I've been making you believe there was another lit":1c boy spending the day with - me."