THE STANDARD TELEPHONE

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume III, Issue 386, 5 December 1889, Page 2

THE STANDARD TELEPHONE

A raw minutes with the Poverty Bay Owl. The Howler, you mean ? Ob, it’s all tbs same. Right, sir 1 la the editor in ? Yes, any more Reason to-day? Beason, did you say ? We’re never witboat it in the Standabd, but I’m blast it that wasn't a very sorry tale you span about Mr Boes’s letter. If you get taking such rices out ot the intelligent readers, they'll soon get to suspect your little games. Well, you know, it won't do tor'ue t> tall out with the squatters and the gag will take all right. The squatters will think its grand, and to those we’ve fallen out with it doesn't

make a pin ot difference. But don't you think its an ugly iking to be called a boycotter ? We called you worse—we said your paper was not respectable, or yon Would not have published the letter, Ah, we told the truth and you didn't. But people won’t know the difference. One crowd will think it was cleverly done and they’ll stick to us like wool does to a sheep— Before it is shorn. Your nasty remarks aga’n. Are you not afraid though, that boycot* ting tricks will tell heavily on you in the end P No fear —they'll forget all about it when the election's over, and so long as our proprietor thinks we should adopt such a line, why should I trouble P Perhaps not, but such mean tactics would not be allowed in a decent school of journalism P It's our bread and cheese we've got to look after in thia confounded place—it

wouldn't pay to think of an ideal in journalism. Wo leave you chape to do all the showing up there's to be done. How is it you didn't send a reporter to Patutahi on Tuesday night, to hoar the " maiden " dished up ar al a P What was the nee ? We knew all that was going to be said. Is that a fact. Do you mean to eiy you wrote that speech P Hang it all, I thought better of you. When poor Dick used ,*"fl dish up Sam Locke's and Graham's speech* fl we used to get some decent ones—som vi regular scunners—and that ip how those chaps got into Parliament, because Dick pulled the strings and primed them up with some capital speeches, without any of the mute inglorious Milton business chucked in where it has the moat nonsensical applies* tlon. Upon my word, if you wrote that maiden you are-a disgrace to the profession. Don't jump at conclusions so quickly—the thing has put me into a blessed flx as it |’ in. I want to write about it and crack it Up, but while I can't help thinking so much dgahut it, I do not know what I can tiritf of bjaoguarding t 0 k “ P * W And boycotting him. Anything ttpit will geep him out, But you chaps never will speak oqt unless you've got a derry upon a person, anq thee, your weapons are chosen so much -frith an idea to tramp on a devil If you can get him down that when yon do say anything against a person, people all know your motive is

worse than that of the person you criticise. What would we care what people know f Unfortunately we haven't got Rees down yet, or I'd go and have a wine with you— If I w»i agreeable, but what's more yourfe not likely to get him <fown. Vfhy the Press of the whole colony is ringing with referenoes to the'East Coast election, and those newt, paper ohapi who ought to know better thin u« say the plaoe wfll be damned, so las eg Parliament is oonoerned, if the sleetom attempt t > foist upon the House another of those chaps who are mixed up in the Asse's, Pecuniary business. Why don't you quote what some of the big papers say ? It wouldn't suit our book. We must have our man In— Yes, first at the bottom end. We'll have a struggle td gkt'him at the tog, Don't you remember what Arthur said the working men of this district had beep trapped too often, He didn't think at the time what he was blurting out, but did you hear bow the Liberals took up the chorus and clapped him like fun 1 We took care not to mention that in our report, though, Ho, there! o 'a good many things you take care not to mention in your reports, yog " took care not to publish those pecuniary letters, We do not like to call Arthur a I—— Tut, tut, don't be so rough, say a mute Miltonian lyre,

That hits it. Was there anything good on at the meeting? You have a cool cheek; do you think we send out a reporter for your benefit? You'll have to get a preliminary repqrt from Mr Arthur hitqself, and you can fake the rest tip after the Siasdard comes out, You needn't be co unfriendly, Why, you told your readers wo were not respectable.

You said we were boyootters. We told the truth, People who tell the truth ogn sometimes ba indecent. 1 ' ’ • T 1

Well, you don't waste much of the truth and a rag that telle such infamous lies cat) also be iqdeo—— You scurrilous —— Everyone knows what your paper is, And they know it to bo a splendid specimen of a—— Boycotter, and a contemptible—— Shut up 1 You can't gag us, pretty Qwl; try it on the! electors who<are foolish ehough to trust your splendid 'specimen of a blank blank—

The Salvation Barracks, please. I want a few minutes with Captain Boland, Hallelooyah 111 Praise the—— For goodness sake, ring in the Amen X want to give you the straight tip— Do you know where you abominable gam* biers will go ? You'll go straight to eternaj£ Heigh | Hold your hair on, old fellow f have still got a show while the Owl is allowed to eke out a miserable existence. But I don't bat except on a eertalniy—that is on Rees—and bookies say that it not betting at all, and they wont pay on it neither, All right, I forgive you. When I sin you may. ■ Try the ‘Owler first though, But this fs what t want to get at. The soi-disant intelligent iqhatter says he if one of the moat liberal man in Now Zealand. Now you chaps are to have a big tea and sandwich spree at Christmas. Go straight for the liberal, intelligent squatter, who says he has never succeeded in cheating a Maori, not because he wouldn't, but because be is too lazy to get up early enough in the morning. I know for a fact that he has been libera] enough to disgorge a few pewters to keep smooth with the rowing chaps and be actually condescended to pat the boss of the Central Squattery on the bank, You just try if he will stick to hie word, Praise the Lord] Couldn't get up early enough to cheat a Maori I You see there's some virtue in being g loafer, Praise the Lord I May all that are tempted thusly be loafers evermore, Amen | But see that you're not a loafer, or yon may lose the ohanoe ot a regular plum from the most liberal and intelligent man' tn New But, a— Never mind the butter-you'll get plenty o| that stuff slobbered on it you've got any votes, But don't wait tor the election, or you'll mine the golden opportunity. If you wait till the L.I.Q (not £s. d.J bar retired to bisbeautifuf sheep run it may be another eevonteen years before you get the op— Mum's the word. I understand, Thank you. Amen I Shake, Captain; if you oonvert him I'll join, too, and the Evening Howler will follow like the sheep do the bell-wether. Bat I meet Amen aleo, because the editor says I've got so longwindsd that I do all the talking instead of pumping the mute Miltons. Hallelooyah 1 Amen I