FLASHES!

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume I, Issue 61, 1 November 1887, Page 2

FLASHES!

Have you beard the hyena yet? It has a nightly «et-to somewhere down near tbe bridge I

A Aar nearly got thrown up on Saturday afternoon I The traitorous animal is a bit of a Nihlli*t> fonder of oats than he is of hIS toaster; and tried to unseat the monarch I , r . But this i* said not to have been the ctili' attempt on the life of a 'Sar, though one la reported to have said, " Well doub, my good and faithful steed " I A dogged resistance took plaoe in a certain church on Sunday night—the dog believed in church, but some pedpie don't like fleas I Did you hear that our dear friend GeotM Washingtan alias Anaui lias taken tp onfßn« —if he were to go in for the corporation M might develop a Sanoho Panza in time f Bey. Mr Fox on gambling! Say* it riioulfl not be countenanced -in any way by Christians I Let him read this — A Melbourne lecturer on gambling say* that the Victorian state schools are closed on Cup day, and from each one “ a tiny rivulet of boys and girls is sent to swell the mighty torrent.” Our local preacher also say* the weaknesa for drink is exceedingly effeminate I If the weakness is effeminate the drink make* ufl for it in strength ! " Liquid fire and distilled damnation ” ' is a Sydney Wesleyan parson'* description of the liquors retailed in that plaoe. Those engaged in the liquor trade in Melbourne are up in arms, and have formed a Liberty cf the Subject Defence League. Ona of their principle Is to oppose the extenllnn of local-option; The Observer suggests; with iiiustrktitin; ii a coat of arms for New Zealand—a piece oi spiral gold, rampant, over a file and halfsovereign, a shovel with file sinister, whitewash pot tn dexter quarter. The Btraigntforwardnoss of the Bank of New Zealand Directorate, in boldly facing tha circumstances in which they are placed, is very favorably commented on by the prinei; pal newspapers,. Tyndall, in letters to the London Preu) asserts that instead of Gladstone leading Morley, the latter is really the G.O.M.’i Mentor, and in fact has almost complete control I r

A I renoh Minister of Justice does not issue bis annual statistics of orimo until they ar* two years old, but he freshens it up by putting on the top of his report the year in which it is issued. The Wolsely sheep-shearing machine will not be a contrivance for skilled shearers to pleasantly contemplate. The machine ha* no ad. vantage in the way of speed, but it is claimed that it can be used by any station rouse about. Old Captain Jackson Barry is still trying it on with the credulous public. By latest accounts he has been lecturing in Melbourne; an M.L.C. being in the ohair, and is stated to have met with an encouraging reception. For running over a woman with his vehicle, a Melbourne buggy-driver ha* hid to pay £3O and costs. The original suit was for £250. Tbe woman had no bone* broker, Sydney wool-brokers have come into <Sott--flict with some continental buyers, becatls* they decided to demand payment before delivery of the wool. The action of the broken is said to be very wise. Patrick Fleming, who was accused of havl ing murdered his aunt (62 yean of age) at Melbourne, by kicking and stabbing her because she refused to bring him drink, ha* been acquitted, the only actual witness being a boy ten years of age. A warning to bachelors I At Leeds AuiZM a husband was charged With stealing sotn« money of his " better half's," which Was codcealed in the cpnjugal couch. He said it wg* his, but he got four month's cheap lodging*;

This case was followed by a husband prosecuting his wife tor breaking ths windows of his house. He said ha would withdraw the case if the fair culprit would not trouble him again, but she declined to promise, preterrinj seven days imprisonment. Poverty is Uncomfortable; as I can testify | but nine times oiit of ten the bbst thing thus can happeu to a young mau is to be toeSed overboard, and compelled to rink or swim for himself. In all my aqualntance I never knew am m to be drowned who wa* worth the saving.—President Garfield. When it comes to a girl eating ioej cream and drinking lemonade to build a church, her patriotism is bounded by a very elastin oofsot;

Shakespeare did not smoke, white Mark Twain uses 300 cigir* a month, Ae Mark Twain has tnado more money by hi* writing* than Shakespeare ever saw, the impecUnioti* author has here a strong argument In favour of smoking. Mr Justice Richmond aay* that the sooner business men find some meaq* of saying plainly what they mean the worse it win M for the lawyers, The Dunedin Herald consider* that if the session is protracted for six months, protection of native industries should be insisted

A Melbourne paper state* that th* poison of demagogic fury is rapidly spreading, and that the infection of lawlessness 1* carried through the air,

The Channel Tunnel scheme ha* been again before ths Houie of Commons, the old arguments being brought up and the old r**uli following.

" People talk in France." says the Times; " as if a soldier must not be criticised in any relation of life, on pain of the critic's being deemed to have attacked his military honor." How doe* the War Office scandal oome in with this ?

Inosculation I A Chicago judge ha* had a case brought before him a* Io whether kissing in a parlor in view ot outsider* 1* disorderly conduct. A pretty-looking young woman residing in a boarding-house was on very familiar terms with a certain Apollo, and the proprietor at length was so annoyed that he swore out a warrant against the male dove. It wae proved that he had kissed her, but tbe decision has not yet been given. The Chinese fish-hawker* of Melbourne ere described as •’ Animals, apparently a cross between monkey and man, seemingly eaten bald-headed by vermin, bodies quivering with weakness and disease, and covered with rotten rags that emitted the most disgusting smells, and long nail* of their claw-like fingers filled with the scrapings of every abomination."

A placard in a Philadelphia dry good* store reads “The Lord helps the man who helps himself, but the Lord help the man found helping himself here.” The Red Sea pearl fisheries real se from twenty to thirty thousand pounds annually. When excavating in Piccadilly, vaults 16 feet below the surface, containing a quantity of vellum manuscripts, a granite tomb dated 1509, and other interesting objects were discovered.

Trades unionism in Europe is not flourishing, as much as it was a few year* ago. The workmen have grown weary, and reuogidie that beyond certain prescribed limits they oannot go.

Tbe slave trade is again active on the Bed Sea.

In Dunedin they have an Anglers' AModttion, which is holding flsbinj competitions for medals.

The latest craze among the young ladiea of New York is a hair album, made up of lock* of hair contributed by their gentlemen friends. Young men who are prematurely bald cannot find terms sufficiently strong iu which to express their contempt and loath, ing for a hair album.

The Victorian Assembly have again refused to vote £4,000 to the wid >w and family of the late Marcus Clarke. Ono u.cmber declared that “ His Natural Life ” was unfit for family reading. At the Melbourne City Court, the other day, Margaret Haye, a young and pretty girl was charged by an old and ugly Cninee ( Chong Gee, with having broken his windows The wily Chow repudiated all former knowledge of the defendant, but it wee proved that he and Margaret had lived together for some time, and that she was the wife of a M.P.