FLASHES

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume I, Issue 34, 30 August 1887, Page 2

FLASHES

Mac at Mao's tonight, Gannon at Ormond to-night. Harbour Board to-night. Mark Twain makes £lOOO a year ont ol royalties on eleven books. Besides which he has £50,000 worth of real estate. Mark is « different man now to when he worked tor four dollars » week in a Nevada etemn battery; Spirit of tbe immortal bardl A man named. Shakespeare keeps an hotel at Barealdnei (Q), A London crowd is occasionally very witty, On Jubilee Day when the Marquis of Dorns fell off bis horse an old gentleman put his head out of the window of a dwell dub, And rßouted in an excited manner " Was ho hurt." " Urt 1 Huttingly not,” responded a voice, “ He's a Scotchman, dontcherknow, and he fell on 'is ’ead.” It is said that the real reason of the Pall Mall Gazette’s attacks on the Prince of Wales is that the Prlnbe refused to be intfeduoed to the Pall Mall editor, Mr Staid, The Lyttelton Times is to be published at one penny from to-day. It is not half so good a paper as it used to be. Sydney solicitor to witness: Wit not g fact that you are a Domain loafer ? Witness! “ I’d be very sorry to be a Police Court loafer like you.” George Fisher, speaking at Wellington ths other night, was very rough on Whitmore. " New Zealand's Only General Ought to be reduced—he never would be missed. We were creating in this Colony a o:ae| ol billet hunters such as they had in America.” And Set for all George is so virtuous, rumour says e would be by no means adverse to a good billet himself, Poor Pultord, the Auckland journalist, found dead the other day, was a nephew of Gdorge Cruickshenks, the celebrated English GOrriofttUfisti Auckland, last year, had the lowest death rate in the Colony, 0.72 per 1000 of any city in the colony. A Queensland M.L.A calls an opponent a “ cavilling, captious, fractious disputation--Ist.’ ’ That’s a phrase which should oome in handy in Wellington after the 6th of next October. Says the Sydney Bulletin : " Sir Robert Stout has had no political lock since he left off being “ Plain Bob.” There is an incubus of ill-luck attaching to O.M.Gships for colonial statesmen that sooner or later relegates them to obscurity." Auckland Star.—Thera should be an intercolonial bankruptcy law to prevent undischarged bankrupts from carrying on business in any of the colonies. At a recent election meeting at Timaru an elector said that if Her Majesty would send us a Governess instead of a Governor a considerable reduotiod of salary might be possible.

The Lyttelton Times says the great issues to Canterbury in the forthcoming election are the three E’s—Education, Encourag,ment to Local Industries, and the East anWest Coast Railway. A Geological Scholarship is to be founded at the Canterbury College in memory of Sir Julius von Haast. By the way, speaking of Haast, it is not generally known that he rescued the late Prince Consort when he was a young man in Germany. Haast became a great favorite with the Prince of Wales when at the Exhibition, and was offered a good billet at the Imperial Institute, but he preferred to return to the land of the moa once again. Correspondents of the Napier News are much exercised aS to Who is the oldest publican in Hawke's Bay. At present the honour is claimed by Mr John Nicholson, of the Im> perial Hotel, Waipawa. He had a license at Waipukursu in 1869. Mr Bobert Pharazyn, who has just rsturned from England, says ths prejudice against frozen meat was being taken down, and that in his opinion the trade had a bright future before it. Members of Parliament are Conservatives, Liberals, Independents, Ministerialists, Oppoaitionists, Bailers, Tories, Radicals, and Rats. Here’s another list posted up near the call bell in one of the rooms which communicate with Bellamy’s Some fellows work, Borne fellows think, Some fellows sbont, And some fellows drink j Some spend freely, But there are some Who never t never agitate The tintmabulum, Boys should not smoke. True, the great preacher Spurgeon said that a cigar is a thing to thank God for, and we once knew s boy who tried a cigar. He Was afterwardi seen hanging over a fence, but—he wasn't giving thanks. The Majoroni Company have been very well received in Auckland.

A tall Irishman arrived at ths Rangiora (Canterbury) sale yards the other day, gravely trundling a perambulator in front of him. In that perambulator was seated, not a baby, but a small pig. The claims of the " gentleman that pays the rent" are evidently not overlooked in Bangiora. Police magistrate to a Cairns (Queensland) witness: " Does prisoner live near you ? " Witness i " Yes, your worship, so near that he has only spent five shillings for firewood in eight years 1 " A Chinaman wants to be a policeman In New Haven. He doesn't care so much for the salary of the position, but there are about fifty email boys he hungers to dub . to death in a legal way. The Australasian is our authority for the Bta.meut that after the great trial young Tiohi orne was branded H T." so as to present mistakes in future. Branded on the near ehoulder, we presume Merry Hampton, this year's Derby winner, is one of the few high-prioed yearlings that have paid for their oats. He was bought for £3lOO. The Thames police are taken vigorous steps to put a stop to youthful profanity in the public streets. It would be a good thing if the Gisborne members of the fores followed the example.

A New South Wales legislator said the other day that the land question there was in a worse position than in Ireland. The Marlborough Daily Times, understands that there will be more work for the coming sittings of the Supreme Court, a writ claiming £509 damages for slander having been issued against a prominent Blenheim citizen, arising out of certain commercial transactions. A St. Louis telegram states that six English detectives have been there for two weeks learning the extent and Irish National organisation, and watching suspected dynamiters.

“ Dagonet ” says that Albert Edward is a prey to dyspepsia of a sort that sends him to sleep without notice. Charley Woods, Arche’s successor on the English turf, has paid £20,000 for an estate near Newmarket.

On the Queensland border a few days ago ten pigs got drunk on the refuse of a wine cask. The spectators remarked that not one, of them even asked another to come outside, k, Glynn, M.L.A., of S.A., contends that ” “ it is certainly the right of woman that all artificial obstacles to her development should be gradually removed.” Mr Glynn evidently never sold a No 2 pair of shoes to a lovely creature with a No 7 foot. New South Wales has seven hundred teachers who cannot be assigned schools. Why not appoint one to instruct each applicant for a J. P. -ship ’ As she was taking a long railway journey she wore carpet slippers. “ Why do you ti ample on my feet in that manner?" she asked her vis-a-vis. " Excuse me, madam ; I thought the company had become liberal and spread a Brussels carpet over the compartment.” General Wung Yung Ho “ thinks that Chinese women could not be induced to live iu Australia.” Mrs Ho, to make a long story short, [couldn’t bear to see the aristocracy eat rice with their knives.