FLASHES!

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume I, Issue 28, 16 August 1887, Page 2

FLASHES!

. Scene in a fourth standard class. Teacher : What is the futureof 1 he drinks?" Johnny ; He is dr link. In ancient times kissirig a pretty girl was i cure for the toothache. When our grinder* are bad next time, we shall look out for the cure. . . . Mrs Scott Siddons' husband, ia an inmate of h Melbourne Lunatic Asylum; A Dover lawyer hUe rowed from Dover ti) Calais in a canoe, What a good job were two or three of our Gisborne Devil’s Own to start for Napier in a oanoa—on a stormy night. " They never would be missed.” The same old game. An et-MayOr of Stockport, Lancashire, and the “ father " of the Borough Council has " misappropriated " to the tune of £4OOO. He was a " Christian Brother ’’ and a godly man.

Western civilization is making great strides in India. A feature of the big Indian race meetings is the presence of native bookl makeita, . . Talk about depression at Home, but this does not look much like itNineteen vessels of 15,918 tons were launched on the Clyde in the month of May. Says the Wanganui Chronicle : “ What has spoilt the civil service and has made it a byword and a reproach, is the fact that it has become an asyluni for destitute and incajh able hangers-on of aiid theft friends, whilst able and efficient officers with no influential friends to push them forward, have been allowed to wear themselves out in official drudgery on miserable pay.” There is a lot of truth in that. For some reason or other the Government are stated to have withdrawn their support frota Mr W; C. Smith, the Well-known Hawke's Bay Radical. Thia is the deepest ingratitude, f<Jr Smith was ah unfailing supporter of theirs when in the House. Cheese and bacon-making is not a gold mine in the Waikato, The Cambridge factory lost £B9O on the year’s work. Is the Northern Advocate a comic paper or what, that it heads a leader “ Liberal or Troy (sic)” and repeats the word "Troy” all through the leader. The Bay of Plenty Times is a jour; al whose conductor evidently believes in really “ early and fresh ” news, it says“ The NeW Zealand Governmen. are adopting thS village settlement scheme.” Wellington telephone subscribers grumble at some of the fraternity using " cuss words" through the magic instruments. We have been doing a good growl at the cold the last few days, but down in Otago, Jack Frost really means business. The other day a man was brought into the Cromwell Hospital with his socks frozen into his boots; He will probably lose one foot. Bunny is invading Sydney suburbs. It is no uncommon thing for a Ohinkee market gardener to find all his young plants ruined in the morning. John does not like it. Hawkes Bay Bugby Football Union hold a grand fancy dress ball at the end of the month. Gisborne footballers, please copy their example. As evidence of the quality of New Zealand timber, a portion of a telegraph pole of native silver pine is on view in Wellington. It had been 14 years in the ground, and is still quite sound, and as solid as a stone. The lady custodian of the Wairoa Library having resigned, some of the subscribers are insisting upon her successor being a male, because, as one bashful trustee said, " some of the more timorous male subscribers had declared they did not care to go into the library by themselves when there was only a lady present.” Poor dear Wairoa men to shove off that excuse, 'tie not they but their wives who object to a female librarian! Some coach passengers had a narrow escape the other day in the Manawatu Gorge. A wheel came off, but luckily on the side nearest the cliff. Had it been on the other side, those passengers would be in Heaven by this time—or in Sheol. Tygo Clement—what a name ?—a Wellingtonian emigrant from the land of Bismarck, got tight the other day, and smashed up a wax figure to the tune of £25 damages, Tygo is now a burden on the suffering coun* try for a fortnight. Aaron Waxman, a Melbourne “ Sheeny ” moneylender, left £120,267 of the filthy luchre behind him. He was a hundred and ninety per shent "my tear ’’ sort of man, and died deeply regretted—by his office boy. Our N. Z, county clerks are suave and modest men, in due awe of their superiors, but not so some of their North Queensland brethren. At a county meeting the other day in the far north the Chairman said: " Have you much correspondence to bring before us to-day.” “ Yes, a h—l of a lot ” said the clerk glowering at the pile before him. Mrßolleston, says a southern paper, has drawn £22,000 as a suffering patriot serving his country. And yet Bolly discourses most glibly about retrenchment. Fiji seems in a bad way, financially speak; ing. The revenue was £91.524 in 1885. In 1886 it was £64,000 odd. The natives too aie decreasing rapidly. There is not a cotton factory In the whole of Australia and New Zealand, In Canada there seventeen.

A remittance man named Harvey was found dead at Dunedin the other day, Drink 1

There is a hint of unspoken pathos, a touch of patient suffering and resignation, in this birth notice: "In this city, August 9th, the wife of Wm, Lea, of a son—not twine this time,”

Australians say that New Zealand re< sembies a large pond filled with '■ puddooke.” as there is nothing but croak, croak, croak, from one end of the colony to the other, Now that the croakers see themselves as others see them, it is hoped they will change their dismal tune. '

A genius with a taste for statistics hae figured out that the average newspaper writer makes 4,000,000 strokes with his pen each year, or a line 80 miles long A rapid penman draws his pen through 16J feet every minute. In forty minutis hie pen travels • furlong.

A political conundrum and its answer. At Oamaru the other night, Mr Hiflop, a candidate, was asked if he could tell the difference between the Upper House and a Benevolent Society. He replied that one notable difference was that the Upper House received charitable aid, while the Benevolent Society distributed it. Trade with China. A cargo of 1800 tons of coal has been taken from Greymouth for Hong Kong.

Dull times in the South. Mornington Tramway Company, Dunedin, declares no dividend this year. The Company carried 12,623 fewer passengers last year than in the year preceding.

One of the briefest and most expressive messages ever sent to any government was tuat one sent by Sir Charles Napier, “ Peceavi.” This means in English “ I have sinned.” The powers at the War Office were greatly puzzled at first, but soon arrived at the true meaning, “ I have Scinde,” which province of India he really had captured. It was proposed to organise a national pilgrimage from Ireland to liome on the occasion of the Golden Jubilee of the Pope this year. A similar pilgrimage has not taken place since 1698. “ Kind words never die,” and Mr Moss put in a few kind words for the Auckland unemployed in the course of his address.

“ When I saw those men (he said) working on the Kaipara railway up to their middle in water, and earning 10s a week, I thought it you put rifles into their hands, and sent them to face five times their number in deadly combat, they would not show more courage and endurance than they were doing then."

According to the New Zealand Herald a change of opinion is a sign of weakness! What bosh.

Everybody is troubled with too much change —change of weather.