WISECRACKS

Grey River Argus, 14 December 1938, Page 12

WISECRACKS

“I notice,” remonstrated the rector mildly, “that it is not the players who swear who turn in the lowest scores.” “Of course not,” snapped the Colonel. “If they are doing low scores what the hell have they got to swear about?” *#♦**«♦ Jones, who has just defeated Robinson on the 19th green, after the latter had been dormy three: “I hope I shall not lie about it, old man, but I am afraid it will be dormy five by the end of the week!” «««*«» “Yesterday for the first time in my life I finished in two over 4’s.” “How on earth did you do it?” “I got a telegram calling me back to the office as I was on the way to the 2nd hold.” *■' * * * • • • “I notice that your husband goes more often to his office than he used to, Mrs Brown.” “Yes. The doctor said he needed something to take his mind off his approach shots.” « • • • ♦ ' • • First Spectator (at the 6th hole): “Big Bill is ahead all right, he. has his ‘winning stride.’ ” 1 Second Ditto: “Yes, and you can see Old Jones is down. He has his ‘off-his-game’ shuffle.’ ” • •••••• Proof of a pudding is the eating, but proof of a good golfer is his putting. • ' • • • - • • “If a belt on a pair of plus fours is a dado around a dining-room, what is a hole in the plus fours?” “A frieze around the sittingroom.” , The meek may inherit the earth, but it is the rich who dig on the golf course. Caddie (to disgruntled player after a bad round): “’Ave yer finished with the links to-day, sir?” It always takes me three or four holes to get properly warmed up, and about two more to get absolutely red hot. The prime example of the .golfing "dub” must be the man who bragged that he had hit the ball in one. You often hear it said that it is not the number of clubs a golfer carries in his bag that counts, but the number of shots he carries in his bag. Even that, however, is not quite right. It is not the number of shots he carries in his bag that counts; it is the number of shots he can pull out of his bag. ««***•« Tommy came home to his mother proudly displaying a golf ball he had found. “But are you sure it was lost?” his mother asked. “O! yes. I know it was, foy I could see the people looking for it!’'* •*♦ • * # , “I notice that you describe the 16th as a saucer green. How wide do you think it is?” Oh. about 25 to 30 yards!” , Then don’t you think the cup should be made on the ■ same proportions as the saucer?”

Speak gruffly to your caddie boy And kick him when he sneezes; Your peace of mnd he’ll else destroy With groans and grunts and wheezes. ****** Too many cooks spoil the broth. Too many books* spoil the style. Too many hooks spoil the score. Too many looks spoil the putt. ,An American blolf Club’s experiment of holding a novelty open-air dance in a large natural bunker had to be abandoned. The usual difficulty of not being able to get the ball into the hole, we suppose.