ELECTION QUIPS.

Grey River Argus, 2 November 1928, Page 6

ELECTION QUIPS.

A Whirlwind ! Humour is the clement that gives a savour to election speechifying. It was so the other evening when Mr T. E. Y. Seddon was speaking at Te Kinga Hall, when a veteran, named Hill, at the rear of the meeting, remarked to the candidate: “You’re a real poli’ical whirwind!” “I don’t understand you ’’ said the candidate. “What do you mean by that?’’ “Well., you are twisting at such a rate that nobody can tell where you’ll stop!” SALVATION ARMY POPULAR. Referring to the ‘Bible in Schools” question at Lyall Bay last night. Mr J. J. Clark, the Independent Reform candidate, said the Nelson system was being tried at Kilburnie School., and the children looked forward to the one hour a week when they received instruction from representatives of various denominations. The children appeared to prefer the Salvation Army to any other denomination. “AS THINGS ARE AT PRESENT.” At his ivieeting in the Parish Hall, Karori, la*t night, the Hon. R. A. Wright (Minister of Education) was asked if h c was in favour of an elective Upper House. “I would be,” replied Mr Wright, “if we had a satisfactory system of election, but as things stand at present, I prefer to stick by the present nomination system. THE 1928 COMMITTEE. The political guns were again turned on the 1928 committee last night. Addressing a meeting of electors at Kilbirnic. Mr R. Semple, the official Labour canditate for Wellington East, said, amidst laughter, that there were no tram conductors on the 1928 committee. “Nor are there any ordinary taxpapers on it.” (Laughter). Mr Semple: “The list is as destitute of navvies’ names as Mr Forsyth’s speeches are of logic.” (Loud laughter.) IN FIVE YEARS. “We imported £850,000 worth of. timber last year, and if that amount had been spent on New Zealand timbers it would have provided a lot of employment in the sawmills.” said Mr J. J. Clark at Lyall Bay last night A voice: “Then you would cut out timber out, in five years at that rate.” “OUT-TORIED THE TORIES.” Speaking at Kilbirnie last night, Mr R. Semple, Labour candidate for Wellington East, said the “so-called” United Party had long since divorced itself from the ideals and principles expounded by the late Mr Ballance and Mr Seddon. Indeed, in many cases it had “out-toried the Tories.” There were really only two parties in ihe field—Reform and Labour —and the people’s choice must be between two parties. WOMAN AGAINST ALL COMERS. “I would like to make it known to you that I am going to stand against all comers in Grey Lynn,” announced Mrs Paterson, a lady well known in Grey Lynn, in addressing the United candidate Mr John S. Fletcher ,in a series of rapid interjections a‘ a meeting in tin Methodist Hall, reports the Auckland “Star.” Mrs Patterson led up to this annoucement by asking the candidate if he believed in women candidates, and Air Fletcher replied that he did, provided they were Uni’ed (Party candir dates. (Laughter). Mrs Patterson: Well, why did the party fail to put up a woman candidate in Auckland? Mr Fletcher: There were no ladies offering Mrs Patterson: Now be careful! Mr Fletcher: Before it was definitely decided who were candidates this lady had, aspirations, bu‘ the committee thought I should stand, as I had a good chance of going in. At this Mrs Patterson announced that she would stand against all comers. Cries of “The more the merrier!” laughter and applause greeted this statement. COATES FOUND WANTING. “I have given Mr Coa'es a good trial and found him distinctly wanting,” said Mr Ebenezer Allen at Papatoetoe. The Central Theatre was well filled and the audience gave Mr Allan an enthusiastic hearing, applauding him frequently throughout his address. Mr Allan trenchantly criticised the Reform administration, especially in its interference wi'h private trading, urging the electors to vote United that the public confidence might be restored in the Ship of State. “SOME” SALARY. “I don’t believe in a lot of political crocks, who cant ge 4 returned themselves being put in the Legislative Council,” declared Mr J. W. Hughes. Independent Labour candidate for Auckland West, at his outdoor meeting last night. “Seven hundred a year is too much to pay them.” A Voice: They don’t get £7OO. Mr Hughes: Yes; these political hacks are put in ther e on exuberant salaries. (Loud laughter). CRUSHED. , “Everyone has a right to work.” asserted Sir James Gunson. Reform candidate for Auckland Suburbs, at his meeting at Waterview last night. “Have you ever worked?” piped up a little man in the audience. Sir James: Yes. -I worked 16 hours a day when I was Mayor of Auckland. “But have you ever done any hard work ? ” Sir James: Certainly, and I’ll carry a 2001 b bag of flour with you any day. The interjcctor dissolved in mirth with the remainder of the crowd. A RUDDERLESS SHIP. “Do not take a passage by that ship.” said Sir James Gunson (Reform candidate for Auckland Suburbs), the other evening, in a passing reference to the United Party. “They have a captain now, but no rudder and you do not know where you will be landed. I respect the Labour Party, and believe its political convic'ions are sin- ' cerely held. But I put it that Reform offers a better hope of performance

than either the Labour Party or the remnants of the Liberty Party. shattered. and living in the memory ot the past.” A GOOD LOAN. When question time came at Mr J. W. Hughes’ meeting at the Three Lamps last night, a man asked the Independent Labour Candida'e for Auckland West what his borrowing policy would be, if returned to Parliament. “If your arc as good a sport as I take you for, I’d borrow about £5OO from vou,” was the prompt retort. (Much laughter). DIDN’T WANT THE TRUTH. “We don’t want the truth, we wan 1 facts!” This intimation was hurled at Mr Dunbar Sloane, official Reform candidate for Wellington Central —a Labour stronghold —when he stated the other night ho would show that the Coates Government had done a great deal for New Zealand, despite what the Labour leaders were saying. “I shall tell you the truth.” said Mr Sloane. When the interjection came, Mr Sloane retorted: “You don’t want the truth, but you arc going to get it. I know it hurts a little bit.” (Laughter). Mr Sloane went on to speak of schools in rural districts. A Voice: You’ve never been in the country. You are talking uneontaminated bunk. Mr Sloane: You started off quite nicely, and I don’t want you to lose that nice, broad smile you started the evening with. (Loud laughter). A Voice: Talk polities. The Candidate: I am giving you policies. and nolitics of the very first water. ADMIRED LABOUR’S THEORIES. ‘lf it were possible, to do what the Labour party proposes. I would vote for Labour to-morrow,” stated Mr. F. Adeane, official Reform candidate for “But Labour’s proposed reforms, such as the abolition of Customs entries, etc, would cost £17,290,000 per year. However, in these days, when people talk airly of borrowing £70.000,000, that is nothing! ”