MY CORNER.

Grey River Argus, 20 January 1926, Page 8

MY CORNER.

PRINCIPALLY PIE. (By JacK. Horner). ‘‘Mrs Besunt announcvM the coming of a new Messiah.’’—News cable. BESANTICW! New serial: “Literary Murders in the Hue Mac Kay,” by Edgar Allen Poe. (First evening- edition). Movie Advt.— 11 ‘Rubbery Unclej Arms.’ Admission 1/- and 1,6. ’ -Speaks fur itself! i r • A Wellington householder bit a burglar with a telephuuc receiver. There’s .i use for everything. A doctor says that a man shoulu look after bis hair. We know a mai who tends it .carefully, but in spite ol that be fears the pour thing is lonely. In Dunedin a man booked a seat foi every night of the run uf a musical comedy. lie failed in his purpose however, as the jokes were changec weekly. ♦ * * Auckland Schoolboys were recently asked to write on what struck then most at school. One scholar, we understand, penned an informative essav on the birch tree. • * ♦ A correspondent asks how to stop : chimney smoking. One infallible method is to place in the fire the box ol cigars your wife chose for your last birthday present. * * * A young Sydney lady is suing hoi barber for removing a portion uf hei ear while shingling her hair. Me quite agree with the plaintiff that it is a bit off. A man was recently knocked down by a golf ball. We understand that his relativi's mado a formal protest when the player prodded his body with his niblick in an endeavour to get on with the' game. » » * Some confusion was caused at a Nel son football match owing to the referee’s watch stopping. It is untrue however, that the game ended to< soon because the official estimated thi time by his heart beats. Among mosquitoes, the female i; more dangerous than the male, says t scientist. A husband says this must apply in all species, judging by th* way he was slung during the Ninas Season. ■ Fortunately, however, the flame; I were extinguished before any damage I was done by the F Fire Brigade. North Island paper. The F Fire Brigade are alsc feeling put out, Jill: Shall I see as much of you thh winter as 1 did last’ Hope so. Jack —Agony Column. Well, the present fashions won’t, de much to prevent him. Board-Residence; one or two gentle men, or otherwise. —Advt in a Suutl Otago paper. After all, one cannot be particulai in these' days. » * * i This is undoubtedly the kind uf boot to Keep by uno’s bedside.—From a re view. j A heavy, hobnailed one, we find niaAes the must lasting impression ui cats. * * * Her anger had been smouldering al' the time he had Yjeen speaking, but a.‘ he saiel this she suddenly Hew into t. cage.—From a short story. The proper place, we should think for a bird like that. For the thirty-second time a mat has been lined for being asleep whilt in charge of a horse. We must refuse, however, to divulge the jockey’s name A witness recently stated that h< heard burglars in bis dining-rouni, but his wife wouldn’t let him go downstairs. And yet there are pessimistt who say there are no ideal wives! « * » A taxi-driver id America, we read was recently arrested in mistake foi a motor bandit. Although, personally, we don't quite sec where the mistake comes in. * * * A film being shown at a cinema in Scotland burst into Hames, putting ar eml io the entertainment. Several members of the audience were particularly annoyed as they had barely seen the programme through twice. ..A health expert advises us to stick tu our cold bath even in winter. As that is the lime when we have it reenamelled. it is quite possible that w< shall follow his advice. * * * A swimming race tor teashop waitresses was held recently. An unkind correspondent says they have been practising the crawl fur a long time. At Brooklands motor races many skids occurred at the new r hairpin bends. This is probably due to the fact that few of tho younger generation of drivers have ever had the opportunity cf seeing a hairpin. # * ♦ A New York chemist is attempting to make synthetic beefsteak from cotton. There are establishments in Lon don where a certain amount of success has been achieved in making synthetic rubber from beefsteak. » * * Fashionable I’a risivii nes now have photographs of their husbands printed on their stockings. We hear that, one gentleman was highly incensed because a darn looked like a wart on the eno of bis nose. * * * ACCORDING TO THE MOVIES. II ’s a wise author who knows his own story.

Some movie actors we ■would like to slaughter: Zane Grey, E. M. Hull, Liumln Carter, Elinor Glynn. We would like to analyse the mentality of some of our movie scenarists. Serials arc just due darned scrap after another. HOME MADE MOVIE FLOTS. WESTERNS: Corrupt land ox-plcit-ers. An unguarded ranch heiress. Wandering hero (and' a horse). Fists clashing. Lovers kiss. •SASSLEiX: Dangerous vamp. Interested hubby. Kisses. Arrival of wife. Fireworks. Years uf estrangement. Finally reunited at the sickbed uf Little Willie. MELODRAMA: No plot required, --irplaues, 75 h.p. autos, thundering locomotives, gagged heroine. Hero in hc-t pursuit. Scraps, overcoming 25 opponents. Triumph. EASTERN DRAMA: Impulsive heroine. Hero must be a youthful Sheik, uid a devotee uf a daily Gillette. Sand. Kisses. Sand. More kisses. A few palms ami camels thrown around tu lend “atmosphere.” Kisses, ad lib. COMEDIES: The first essential thing a comedy must lack is humour, he next, plot. Cross-eyed man with a funny face, bricks, bathing girls who don’t go near the water, and a sub--.icr who murders the English language. According’ to the Yankee lil-um:— All Englishmen wear monocles and spats aud are fools. An Australian eats grape fruit lor breakfas* All Cl inese are necessarily wicked and cunning. All parties end up with a plunge in the drawing room swimming pool. Telephonic connections are gained instantly. London ami Paris are suburbs of Hollywood. All Spaniards are bull-lighters; all Spanish women are vamps. No matter if an insurrection occurs in the wilds of I’ategonia, a gobmanned warship living Old Glory is always handy. No Parisian story can be filmed without dragging in the Eiffei Tower. Paris consists solely of the Latin Quarter and Apaches.