THE VAG’S COLUMN

Grey River Argus, 17 June 1922, Page 7

THE VAG’S COLUMN

By the Understudy. Dear Henry,-—lt’s always the opponents of Socialism that you listen io. You seem to assimilate their arguments like a thirsty prohibitionist would a glass of ginger ale. One of the chief arguments against Socialism is “that it. would mean dividing up.” You are against dividing up, Hen. Ye Gods! You are afraid of losing the rented shack Fat forces you to live in; or the job that you know is killing you. All you can think of is that you might have to divide up the few bob that the boss pays you on pay day. Of course by the time you pay the grocer and the butcher you have nothing left. It is time, Hen, you knew that all you have to divide is your dtdds; your poverty and misery, and your job. If there, was a fair division, Hen, your debts ami poverty would be gone, and the job would be so much lighter because there would be many more hands employed on it. No, Hen, I can’t see what the Devil you :re afraid of dividing up for! Perhaps you are silly enough to believe that the Socialists are going to divide up the sawmill you work at; and you conjure up the idea of each toiler getting away with his share. 1 daresay in your queer way you would imagine that the engine-driver would get the engine, the sawyers the saws, the slabby the fire where he burns the waste timber, and t/‘ snigger the beautiful profanity which he aims at his horse when it gets stuck in a swampy bog. There is another party who tells you that Socialism will do away with religion, ■ break up the home and do away with the marriage tie. This party gets you good ami hard, lien; for whenever you are on the point of rebelling they tell yon that all you have to do is to put your trust in God ami everything will be alright. Every one of them is anti-Labour, and as soon as you make a ’move to emancipate yourself they put the Church in front of you, ami command you on the pain of sacrilege not to advance one step farther. Most of the Dubbs listen to these ‘‘reverend” gentlemen, but the Socialist who knows the philosophy of Jesus, the founder of Christianity, is not fooled. In his own mind he wonders what the Gentle Nazarenc would say to our poverty, and slums, and our vast army of poor girls who through poverty are compelled to live lives of shame. Picture if you can, Hen, Jesus iu the midst of England’s thousands of unfortunate women. Picture Him again among the chain makers of Cradley Heath, the lead, pottery or chemical workers. Picture Him again walking in the ‘‘Wasser’’ at Cairo; examining the starving millions of India, or speaking to the victims of the Amritsar atrocities. Picture' Him again at Belfast; where to-day they are murdering one another in His name. Then, just imagine if you can Christ in one of our gorgeous society ballrooms, when* half naked women, and men whose passions an* inflamed by rich wines seek for new sensations. I What would Jesus say to all this. Hen? | Ask the Genth' Shepherd, who “labours in the Lo- rd’s vineyard” that question, the next time he tells you that Socialism and Industrial Unionism are unChristian. It’s all very fine for them to ask you to pray to God ami ask Him Lto clean up this world of ours. 1 can’t see that it is God’s job anyhow; and, further, I thi;ik it’s an insult to the Almighty to :sk Him to do a work that we can do so easily ourselves. If some of the clergymen would invent a prayer that would stop the Employers’ Federation faking great slices out of our pay they would have plenty of followers; but it. appears that the employers are impervious to prayers and curses .“like. Talking of prayers, Hen, reminds me of little Johnny Summers, a pugilist, who was a whale at praying. Johnny was getting well into championship form and was winning all his battles. He was a devout Catholic, and before he started a fight he knelt down and said a few prayers. When Johnny came to Sydney he was matched against an Australian boxer, who, when he saw him kneeling before the gong sounded, stared in amazement. Rising from his seat he walked across the ring to get a closer view, and seeing what Johnny was at, said, “I don’t mind you praying, old chap, but keep that left glove of yours up out of the resin.” On another occasion Johnny was. fighting Ruddy Unholtz, rnd is usual he started with a prayer. He kept on praying between the rounds, and sometimes even in the round itself, he found time to ejaculate a pious word or two. He was giving Ruddy the father of a hiding. In the last few rounds Ruddy was clinching and hanging on to save himself from being knocked out. It was then he heard a portion of Johnny’s prayer. Turning to his tormentor, he said in disgust: “Ain’t ye satisfied what your doing to me without asking Jesus, Mary and Joseph t’ help yer?” You see, Hen, the prayer seemed alright to Johnny who was top dog, but it sounded no good to Ruddy who was taking the hiding. Wise people will say that Johnny w: s silly to think that I God would take any part in a fist, fight,’ I but these same wise people thought it I perfectly correct .for German and BriI tish bishops to pray to the same God for victory while their armies were slaughtering one another. So when • your boss goes to church, and thanks ■ God for all the things he h: s, remember, lien, those things have come out of your hide. THE UNDERSTUDY.