THE VAG'S COLUMN

Grey River Argus, 27 November 1920, Page 6

THE VAG'S COLUMN

. The lady believd in the Boy Scout movement, and so, when she met- the dear little cherib with the broomstick, she said: Well, dear, have you done one good turn for someone to-day? Have you made someone happy to-day? "And the cherub replied:—" Yes mum I was sent to my aunts to spend the the day. I was to stay there till six o'clock, and 1 left at three, a-nd auntie was very happy." You. see, Henry, was not at the Industrial Conference and I am told it was a very happy conference. I can quite appreciate the happiness. I have- attended ma iy conferences, and some of them were very unhappy. I remember one visit I p:u--l to Wellington, when a. gentleman who now writes the Welfare ' League Sermon was prpmine.it in the Labour movement, and I met this good comrade in the street, and he said: "Hullo Vag! Will you come to our meeting to-night? "Oh." I said, "I don't think so; I am going to Fullers." "Oh, do come," he said; "You will enjoy your self there— a "hellofarow" on. : ' Needless to say, Henry, I did'nt go. I have been reading very carefully the report of the recent conference held in Welli.igton. Its not for me to complain, Henry, but I could not help thinking of the early days of the good old "Red Feds." How they hopped into the ring and put "em up!" And how Brother Fat accepted the challenge and. came in; and how we beat 'em, Hen! We did, we did; and we buried our dead in Auckland cemetery, and said "come on again, old chap!" And poor- old Grabitall got a bit tired, so he said:" Look, I don't want to hurt you fellows; I don't mind giving you a bit more h your nose bags, if you'll be good." And then, Henry, the dear old comrades who did'nt come in and lend a hand when we had our coats off said: "Yes, lets drop it. We can do it better this way." And so, we held a conference; and we passed a resolution, urging the government to do something, and a gentleman from Dunedin said:" I have much pleasure in seconding the resolution, as I did twenty-five years ago." And that ended it! Whats the good of growsing Henry?, We have had a conference in Wellington, and the day the conference was sitting, a big fat gentle : man challenged the eight Labour men i.i Parliament to "Lets see what you are made of." And with a laugh, he wiped out some privilege or right the workers had enjoyed for years. And the secretary of the union said: don't believe in political action.' 1 Political action never took us anywhere! And the organiser said: "He did'nt believe i.i political action. Political action only gave certain men good jobs." And the conference sent a deputation to Parliament to protest against the rights of unions being.taking away. Hen, Hen, lift your foot, man; you are on your toe!. Don't squeal— lift the heel of your boot. Yes, yes, its no good getting that on to me, I'm a Vag! Well, why not? The! only action I'm against is inaction. Certainly, certainly, on the job, if you like! Anywhere will do me. At the vaces — anywhere — Henry. Unite! Oh, blessed word. Henry — unite. You cannot unite if you quarrel over the colour of Bob Semples boots, and Bob's dig. \ ing clay and the movement is that much poorer. Of course, of course, I'm paid to write this way. Send the cheque, please Brother! I know, know Lenin's way is the right way. Any old way is the right way, Jjarring the way we are doing it. A dear old chum of mine was sprawling across the desk at the Trades Council the other evening, and, without standing up, he said: "I propose we form a council of action. Workers of the world unite; ye have nothing to lose but your brains!" Sure thing. Russia is right ; but do we need to adopt Russian methods ? Howard Elliot returned 41 Reformers to power to chase the Pope. Say, Hen, dear, could'n* we return 41 Labour men to power to chase Brother Grabitall Next April, Henry, you will have a chance to elect a Soviet Government to every municipal council in "God's own." Oh it would frighten Brother Grabitall if we captured thte municipal Government ot this country. And we could do it, Henry, Brother Isitfc would get his hair cut. and poor Bill, if we captured the municipal Government. And Hen, dear, we could do it if it was in; for you! You, Henry, do you hear? Its your fault, Henry, dear it is! It is! A dear old chap called Dyer. spent two of his most valuable hours in telling a Wellington audience what an awful lot of chumps his comrades were. Not ten minutes did he spend on Brother Grabitall pedigree ; and Brother Dyer has got talents, but he has got a gprouch. Bob Semple wears follow boots, and it ■ makes Brother Dyers blood boil. Workers unite, and you can all wear yellow boots. Brother Dyef unite; ye have nothing to lose but your brains ! Now drop that. It you hit me with that bing starter — well. I'd give you you a black look, only you have got one already, i did'nt, I did'nt suggest it for a mome.it. If I thought you had no brains, should I have said "Ye, have nothing to lose but your brains? Get out, you're no better than me anyway! alright, alright, we'll drop it then. Certninly, certainly; mines a medium. Well here's to the unity of Labour. « THE VAG.