AN ADAPTATION FROM THE PHILADELPHIA CREMATION JOURNAL.

Globe, Volume II, Issue 135, 5 November 1874, Page 3

AN ADAPTATION FROM THE PHILADELPHIA CREMATION JOURNAL.

Now that the great question of cremation versus inhumation has been so popularly vented and publicly discussed in the periodical literature of the day by J. T. Keine, Sir Henry Thompson, and other noteworthy savants of a coinciding tendency for sensationali m, it is scarcely to be wondered that the theory so forcibly adduced for disposing of the remains of those who “ go before” in the future, should not acquire a tangible shape among the various portions of the community at large; and we are almost daily reminded, through the medium of the press, that companies have been formed for the proper performance of “ cremation obsequies” in various parts of the universe; but perhaps most notably on the continent, to wit, Germany, In England it is almost difficult to conceive any real or imaginary want unsupplied in this prolific age of contrivance, as a very cursory glance in the advertising columns of our newspapers will all-sufficiently prove. Mental and bodily infirmities, pecuniary difficulties, family afflictions, natural defects, have all their separate corps of comforters; and there is no suffering condition in life that has not a benevolent paragraph specially addressed to its consolation. “ To the afflicted with gout;” “stammering and stuttering;” “to the friends of a nervous invalid”—who is, by the bye, invariably a vicious madman; —“ to the childless;” “to those about to marry.” Such are the headings of various little crumbs of comfort by which the active philanthropy of England sustains its reputation and fills its pocket. From tooth-powder to tea-trays—from French blacking to Joe Todd’s quinine all have their separate votaries ; but no English benevolent society has as yet directed its philanthropy in the crematory channel, and those who may wish to return to their original dust at a pace equally to the popular spirit of the age, and by so doing escape the stercoracious phase passed through by the process in vogue amongst the benighted beings of the past and present day, may look in vain to find where their wishes may be complied with; and there are undoubtedly at the present day many who believe that the objections to cremation are of a purely sentimental character ; whilst large numbers probably consider the humanity of the thing, and others, again, its expediency ; whilst it is far from unlikely that a majority of any one of the foregoing classes object chiefly by imagining that putting people into urns and jars would be the means of forfeiting to the late lamented that immortality which is conferred in epitaphs of the following approved description : Mourn not for me, my sleeping dear, I am not dead, but sleeping here ; My end you know, my corpse you see, And so prepare to do like me. The above appears to be a favorite epitaph on “a mother” in several country churchyards in Lancashire ; and it is a well-known fact that one of such verses only differs with another in stupidity, and grief of an ordinary and orthodox character, and limited imagination, contents itself with the “ afflictions sore,” &c; while more ambitious sorrow spreads itself—if we may so speak—in the original obituary which grief always makes grotesque. And all of these styles would find cremation as easy to be celebrated as inhumation, Thus the afflicted can remark in mournful nonpariel:— Dearest mammy, thou has left us And thy loss we deeply feel; Two pounds six, thy present heft is, This contains thee, heel and heel. Or should the tearful survivors prefer it, this can be substituted : Afflictions sore long time she bore, Physicians were in vain ; The feathery pounds this jar surrounds Were once Eliza Jane. The proposition of an enterprising American firm to run frequent cheap trips by railway to Mount Vesuvius, in order to allow survivors to dispose of their relatives and friends by the crematory process, which would be performed in an actual and satisfactory manner, combined withenjoymentto those desirous of travel, was not a bad idea; but theexpenseconsequeuton the journey could be afforded but by a select few, whilst there would be no place for the obituary poetry, which last is adapted from a Yankee notion—a long way, too, be it admitted. There are many more things to be urged in favor of cremation, which would materially lighten the

labors (and fees) of our coroners, lawyers, analytical professors, and others. Had the custom been in full working order only twenty years ago, it would have spared William Palmer and others a vast amount of pain, trouble, and degradation! whilst individuals generally would be permitted to sneak out of the world in any under-bred way at their own or another’s instigation, or bolt out of life with the abrupt precipitation of a Frenchman after a dinner party. If the apparatus necessary for conducting the ceremony of cremation be too expensive to come within the reach of all classes, surely it would be feasible to utilise the various gas works for the purpose, which might be done at a cheap rate, and to a profit to the companies of consumers (of bodies). And when bearing the deceased to his long home, why should not the priest and clerk, when meeting the corpse, say, or sing, “G as thou art, and unto gas shalt thou return!” with a hymn beginning as follows: — Hark, from the gas works comes a sound! Sinners incinerate! Ye mortals, come and view the flue Where ye must soon cremate. The letters ‘R.I.P.,’ too, under the new regime, may be construed to mean * Rest in Pot,’ whilst a sentimental epitaph which is much affected, might be adapted for children, who, having been the terror of the neighbourhoods, go to the land above, where tin cans grow on every tree, and the dogs back up till the cherubs fasten the same to their tails. Thus it will in future read ; Willy has climbed the shining stair, And wears a golden crown ; Not Willy, but his ashes are Within this wee jug brown. And thus we might go back through the whole range of English literature till we should remark with the old west country bard : I hope his soul in heaven doth dwell, Whose dust half fills this pickle-bottel. And thus we take leave of this fascinating subject, which we have only touched but to adorn, and hint to mourners that when they have made an end of the ceremonies, and committed the dear departed to his last retort, they may say with King Harry Close up the door and draw the dampers close, And let us all from his cremation. THE GRAVEDIGGER’S REMONSTRANCE. (To Sir H. Thomson.) Who are you to be thieving. The poor sexton’s bread ? How can we earn our living, If we urn our dead ?