ON THE HUSTINGS.

Gisborne Times, Volume LXVIII, Issue 10735, 5 November 1928, Page 2

ON THE HUSTINGS.

LIGHT AND SHADE.

BLUSH-PINK LABOR

“Labor is still a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The color of its banner has changed from deep red to blush pink—almost to white. To-day they are so meek and mild that one might bo easily deceived,”—Mr Alex Harris, at Milford.

BEWIHSKEREI) SCHOOL-CHIL-DREN!!

“When we got into power wo wiil provide training schools for the youth of this country, so that they will be ready to take up their positions as soon a.s the prosperity which is bound to follow the United Party arrives,” declared Mr J. S. Fletcher at Western Springs, Auckland. “Thc.v’ll bo at school all their lives, then.” said a man at the back of tho hall.

UNITED PARTY’S COMPOSITION. Mr. Fitzherbert, Reform candidate for Grey Lynn, stated that the United Party was formed by a marvellous organiser who collected political rejects, rail-sitters and young men without ideas, welding them into a party. REFORMER! REFORMED.

Mr Fitzherbert, Reform candidate for Grey Lynn, when speaking at Jvingsland, fiddled about with a pair of spectacles, explaining that he was long-sighted. “The people at the back seem too far away if T don’t have them oil,” lie said, “and when I. put them, on I can’t iseo the people in front.” A Voice: “Have you been to an hotel?” “No, I’m reformed,” replied the candidate. “I LOOK LIKE HONEST TOM KEENEY.” Describing the genesis of tire Labor Party, Mr P. B. Fitzherbert, Reform candidate for Grey Lynn, said many years ago there was a German with an analytical-mind, but no constrluctive force. A Voice = Hindenburg. “No, Karl Marx,” said Mr Fitzherbert. “I read his book. and l was almost bitten with the poi-son—-I was for a time, as a matter of fact. The Labor Parties in the Empire are all children of Marx ; but I want you to know that I don’t associate Harry Holland with all tho tosh talked about Bolshevism.” “You’re a twister!” called an interjeetor. “I’m not a twister,” replied the candidate. “Yon know honest Tom Heaney? Well, I look a bit like him—there’s no man more honest. than T am.’-’ “TIME' YOU WERE PENSIONED OFF!”

In his reference to unemployment, Mr Dickson, Reform candidate for Parnell took exception to the statement. of his rival, Air .T. AY. Ynrnnll, who, in an address to electors, had .declared that the Governornnt reply to a. plea for work was: “Go ami starve.” This Mr Dickaon considered an unfair statement. A Voice: But we have to live. Another Voice: And wo cannot live on nine bob a day. Mr Dickson: Well, when I came here first, tho unemployed wage was 3s a day. A Voice : How long ago was that? Air Dickson: Forty-two years ago—if you want to know. Another Voice: It is time you were pensioned off! THE.ONLY THING.

At his meetnifr in Epsom, tho Reform candidate (Mr Potter) snoke of his own work and said that he held tho record for money spent, in education in any ono district. £IBI.OOO Having been spent since he was first elected. “Tell me one thing you should have t£at I. haven’t got for you,” he asked. A Voice: A pub, Mr Potter: I don’t think you want one here. Tho Voice: We Want, a drink. Mr Potter: But vou would not lie able to pay ' for one. - HELP THE FARMER,

To a man who said that more production was needed, Mr Potter, Reform candidate for Eden, replied—- “ Well, go, and help the farmer produce it instead of sitting there like a cackling hen.” THE WIDOW’S MITE

“Tlio Labor Party says it will raise widows’ pensions when it gets into power.” said Mr'V.. Potter, Reform candidate for Eden. A Voice: So it will. Mir Potter' Yes, but when? Will tho widows live long enough? RABBIT-BOARD POLITICS.

That . parliamentary candidates should havo to undergo an elementary examination in -economics and recent history was the opinion expressed by Mr O. E, Burton, M.A.. Christian-Socialist Candidate lor Eden. “Instead of the‘people having to decide the country’s destinies on '.the strength of a. hectic tliyee months’ Campaign, it should be made incumbent on candidates to lecture for months ahead, explaining the fundamentals of the policies,'’ ho declared. “It that happened we might get less rabbit-board politics and personalities and instead some real thought on vital matters.” THEN HE WOKE UP! Mr A. J. Stalhvorthy, United Candida tea for Eden: “I. was speaking to a. friend this morning who said. ‘T. had a very vivid dream last night. Sir Joseph Ward had swept the elections. Only two members of the Reform Party were returned the Prime Minister amt the Hon. Iv. SWill nun a. I was talking to Mr. Coates,- and he was almost iti tears ’ ” ■ A Voice: And then lie woke up. DIVORCE OR MARRIAGE? A. reference to the fact that, the district had been taken away from the Waitemata electorate and attached to Auckland Suburbs, was made in matrimonial terms by Mr. A. Campbell, chairman hf Sir James (funson’s meeting at Birlulalo last Thursday evening.,* “I cannot make up my mind whether there lias been a divorce or a marriage,” lie said. “T will ' remove that difficulty.” replied Sir James. “I want to suggest to you that I am tlio suitor for your hands -in marriage. If you accept me I hope the marriage will be a. happy one.” (Laughter.) STRAY SHOTS. Discussing the United Party’s borrowing proposal at his meeting at Georgetown, Mr S. M, Macalister, Reform candidate for Invercargill, likened it to the popular jazz song about “Fifty Million Frenchmen can’t go wrong.” “ft appears,” remarked Mr Macalister amid laughter “that seventy million sovereigns can’t, go wrong.” “Decidedly—go for them,” was the unqualified reply of Mr A. E. Ansell, Reform candidate for Chalmers, when asked if he was in favor of a tax on bachelors. Sir Joseph Ward, according to Mr G. H. Thompson, Riccarton, initiated the policy of legislative rest. “That." comments n writer in the Christchurch Sun, “must have been after the electors of Awaraua gave him the idea.” “I was in the Labor ranks for three 1 .‘ months several years ago, but I: could not submit to their policy of ‘pulling down.’ ” —Mr G, C. Munns, United candidate for Roskill.