FUN AND FANCY.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 3720, 4 January 1913, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY.

Miss Wbitehat: “Your cute little son told me I was. pretty.” Mrs Blacklist’; “He did? I must take him to an oculist.”

Waiter: “Here is our bill of fare, sir.” Farmer Jones (in from the country): “Now, I ain’t going to pay no bill o’ fare till I’ve had something to eat.’’

“Well, George,” said Witty William as they met in the street, “how is Arthur going on now?” “Oh, much better,” replied George. “He has been in the country for seven days to regain his strength,” “That’s funny! I should have thought seven days in the country would have made one week 1”

“What is your favorite (lower, Duke?” asked the heiress. “But I ought to know that without asking.” “Well, what should it be?” “The marigold.”

“And what is your father’s business, my little man ?” asked Rev Fourthly, as he made his morning call on the infant class. “He’s a dain-at-it kick-it,” said the little chap, whose father wrote dramatic criticism for a newspaper.

Hubby (casually): “I see they are embalming pet dogs now.” Wife (interestedly): “Oh, isnt’ that lovely? That’s what I’ll have done to Fido.” Hubb.v (enthusiastically): “Just the thing! Give him to me, and I’ll have have it done to-day !”

Restaurant I’atron (caustically): “I am glad to see your baby has shut up, madam.” Mother: “Yes, sir. Y’ou are the only thing that’s pleased him since he saw the animals eat at the Zoo.”

Mrs Crabsliaw: “I can’t understand why I didn’t see those faults in you before we were married.” Mr C’rabshaw: “It’s quite plain, my dear. I didn’t possess them until I met you.”

Quack Doctor: “Yes, gentlemen, 1 have sold these pills for over twentyfive years,' and never heard a word oi complaint. Now, what does that prove?” Voice from the Crowd: “That dead men tell no tales, guv’nor!”

"I want a boy to be partly indoors and partly out.” “ ’Ow ’eavy’s the door, sir?” “Why—what on earth’s that got to do with i i?” “Well. 1 was wonderin’, sir. wot ’appens to me if the door slams!”