POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

Gisborne Times, Volume VI, Issue 158, 16 July 1901, Page 3

POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

(From the Free Lance.) “Good things ” for the Melbourne Cup are already troubling early backers. I |

• According to a Hav.ke s Isay runhcdder, j cacii “ bunny ” hided on his plane cu> I him half a sovereign. K A Hokitika man took a censusot co^S 5 .- 1 the other night, and discovered ourtoen I 5 i in the main street. j , 1 >. j Very shortly the Zealander who L . | cannot showu; .’"Jiiai for some thing or otlior will bo regarded as a curiosity’. A one-time local laborist is very much down in his luck, and is working for a Chinese gardener just out of Sydney. i Miss May Beattie, Pollard’s popular leadinglady, has come of age just recently. Mr Isitt is like the brook—ho flows on for over, and under the same stimulating

The Duke of York board craze is rei sponsible for the numerous unshaven chins in Wellington at the present time. Mr G. Hutchison really has resigned Adviser to the War Office or Africa's 1 leading legal luminary—which ? A Te Aro lady speculator, of oighty-onc, is reported to have drawn a cash prize in Tattcrsall’s last sweep. It is never too late to be lucky. Thcro is somo talk of an institution after the celebrated “ Hagey ” frost for the treatment of victims to tea. A railway employee, who slept in church on a recent Sunday, startled the congregation by waking and roaring “ All tickets, please ! ” Ono magnate, who was presented to the Duchess, was so overcomo with emotion that he thrust into Her lloyal Highness' hand his invitation card 1 A Newtown lady, who had been complaining of her head, was asked by her husband what he could get her for it ? “ A new hat ” was the reply. At the Opera House an absentminded play-goer devoutly bent and gazed abstractedly into his hat. He imagined ho was in church. A recent tin-kettling party down South wore given drugged drink, and slept all over the township, with the starry sky for a coverlet. Tho total annual expenses of the Conciliation and Arbitration Boards of the colony will make the people wonder if the game is really “ worsh the candle.” An unconscious humourist remarked, after the Premier’s runaway adventure, that it “ was a mercy ho was not knocked speechless ! ” Now a start has been made up the coast in prohibiting the scale of beer and spirits

at tangis, the proposal is likely to be made universal. A little affray, during which a local soldier brave got his head badly smashed one night lately, has not appeared in the casualty columns of the daily press. The Federation Commission is an expensive way of discovering the disadvantage of Federation to New Zealand. They were appreciated before the Commission left the colony. A hen-pecked husband complained, in a Southern Court, that his wife constantly jabbed him with hatpins. The bench said he would have to keep her in pin money, nevertheless. A stylish but impecunious man-about-town, who dodged into a tobacconist's to avoid a “mad dog - ’ last week, met another to whom he owed a fiver. He was further embarrassed on finding he had no money to buy tobacco. When a Southern cadet was informed he must get his hair cut if he wished to go to Christchurch, he said he would rather not go ; he was not going to lose his apparent hair to see any heir-apparent. According to one account, the Duke must have thought that Oamaru had been struck by an iceberg, such was the coldness of his reception. Suggested that the Council should appoint officials to teach people to be joyful aud cheerful. The Premier's shortest speech on record was at Christchurch, when he told contingents and veterans to “ proceed.” But they had already started eating, and got the first bite of their cherry, so to speak. If the business of the House is gently spread over the session, instead of being crammed into the latter days (or nights), the lunatic asylum an honorable member mentions will not be required. Though a substantial crowd followed the alleged Eyreton murderer, McLean, at Lyttelton, last week, shouting “ Lynch him! ” " Hang him ! ” there was not the slightest attempt to carry the threats into “ execution.” A clergyman, who was taking his first lesson bicycling last week, badly bent himself and bike. A humorous boy yelled, “ Here endeth the first lesson,” and the cleric adds “ the last.” Members of the Southland Pipe Band belonged to nobody in Christchurch, and lat last a party of them, hungry and wearied, begged the Inspector of Police to give them accommodation in the cells for the night.

*A careful “body” earned a pair of goloshes in her hand at the Royal reception. Arriving opposite the Duchess, she dropped them, took the Royal hand, and groped wildly with the disengaged one. The Duchess supported the canny one without- a murmur.