WEEK-END SMILES

Greymouth Evening Star, 9 December 1933, Page 4

WEEK-END SMILES

THE PROMISE. ‘‘That's a nice little boy,” said the visitor as Johnny picked up his scattered toys. “I guess your mother has promised you something if you clean up the room.” “If I don’t,” he corrected her. MAKING SURE Little Doris was lunching at a restaurant with her fond aunt. For her sweet course she chose cheriy pie, and afterwards pushed the stones on the side of her plate and counted them. “I see, according to your fruit stones, that you are going to marry a rich man,” said auntie, after the girl had finished counting. “Yes,” replied little Doris, “but 1 had to swallow two of the wretched, little things to do it.” QUITE CLEAR? Motorist: Is it far' to the next town? Native: Well, it seems further than it is. but you’ll find it isn’t. A GOOD EXAMPLE Nervous passenger: Don’t drive so quickly round the corners. It makes me frightened. Driver: You don’t want, to get scared, madam. Do what 1 do —shut your eyes when we come to coiners! 1 VERY TH O UGHTF UL Wifey: Mother wants to know whether she shall come to stay with us for a week or so. Hubby: It’s thoughtful of her to suggest an alternative. Tell her to sew. HE’D TRIED IT “Have you been drinking ten glasses of water every day, as I told you to?” asked the doctor, steadily eyeing his patient. “Yes, I've been drinking six cupfuls of tea and four glasses of water,” replied the patient. “But tea and water are not the same.” explaimed the doctor in astonishment.

“They arc where 1 live,” said the other sorrowfully.

SILENCE IS GOLDEN

Mrs. Peck: She’s very pretty, but she never says a word. 1 can’t imagine why all the men speak so highly of her. Air. Peck: I can. COMPREHENSIVE PETITION A new minister in a, Kentucky church was delivering his first sermon. The negro verger was a critical listener. The minister's sermon was eloquent, and bis prayers seemed to cover the whole category of human wants. After the service one of the deacons asked the old verger what he thought of the new minister. i “Don’t you think, he offers up a good prayer, Joe?” “Ah most suhtainly does. Why, dat man axed de Lawd fo’ things de odder preacher didn’t even know He had.” , RESOURCE “Mother,” said little Bobbie, “if a poor, hungry little boy came to the door and asked for something to eat, would you give him that piece of cake that was left from dinner ?” “Why, of course I would,” answered Phe mother. “All right, .lust wait till I go round to the back door.” PHOTOGRAPH PROOF Tlte man entered the country post office and asked: Have you a parcel for Mr. Jones? “I have,” replied the postmaster, “but how do I know you’re the man?” The man produced a photograph of himself. “Have a look at that,” he said. “That, looks like me, doesn’t it?”

“So ir does.” explaimed the postmaster, and handed over the parcel •without another word.

.SOUND AND SIGHT Mrs Blupe: Did you see the Smith twins? Blupe: Yes. The Mrs: Don’t you think the boy is a picture o£ his father? Blupe: I sure do—and the girl is a talkie of her mother. COLLECTED WITH INTEREST Mike Murphy, who lived on a farm, sent his friend, Jimmy O’Brien, who lived in town, a crate of chickens. “Did you get the chickens?” asked Mike, the next time.he saw Jimmy. “Some of ’em.” answered Jimmy. “'After I got ’em from the station they got out of the crate, and I was two hours scourin’ the neighbourhood, and then only got ten.” “Sh—sh—sh, Jimmy! Not. so loud. I only sent ye six.” QUITE Smith: it’s wonderful what, some insects can do. A grasshopper can jump 200 times its length. Brown: That’s nothing. 1 once saw a wasp raise a 14-stone man three feet off the ground. WHO, INDEED? Maths. Master: Now if I subtract 25 from ?>7 what’s the difference? Little Willie: Yeah! That’s what I say. Who cares? MORE OUTSIDE Two burglars had experienced great trouble in breaking open a. safe. At last, they succeeded. “Strewth, Bill,” said one. “It’s full of coppers.” “Yus,” said Bill, peeping through the window, “an’ so’s the street.” SOLD “There,” said the enthusiastic saleswoman at the church bazaar, “I’ve sold practically everything in this sec-ond-hand clothes room.” “Dear, dear, how unfortunate,” remarked the gentle vicar. “I told them to use this as a cloak room.” QUICK A Dublin grocer wanted an errand boy. and to an applicant, for the post ho said: “What I want is a smart boy, alert and intelligent. Are you quick to take notice?” “Yes, sir,” proudly replied the boy. “I had it twice in a fortnight once”

ANOTHER ONE “What do you think of these beauties?’’ asked the angler husband. ‘‘You needn’t try to deceive me,” replied the wife, lanyhiny. "Mra Smith saw you in the lishmonger’s.” “I know she did. I caught so many I simply had to sell sonic.” UNREMITI ING KINDNESS Son m college was applying pressure for more money from home. “I cannot understand why you. call yourself a kind father,’' ho wrote his dad, “when you haven't sent mo a cheque for three weeks. What kind of kindness do you call that?” “That’s unremitting kindness.” wrote the father in his next letter.