WEEK-END SMILES

Greymouth Evening Star, 10 June 1933, Page 9

WEEK-END SMILES

NO PEDESTRIAN. Officer: Did you see a pedestrian pass this way a few minutes ago? . Farmer: No, sir. I’ve been work- ' in’ in this held more’n an hour an’ ain’t seen a thing but one solitary ■ man pass an’ ho was afoot.” ! SOMETHING BETTER. | Irritable Husband (to wife driving a nail): However do you expect to knock a nail in the wall with a clothes brush? For goodness sake use your head, dear. NO TREATING. A class of ambulance men, including an Irishman, were being put through an examination in first-aid work, and •at last it came to Pat’s turn to answer. “Now, Pat,” said the doctor, “suppose a man was to fall . down in a drunken fit, how would you treat him?” “Faith, sorr,” replied Pat, “I would not treat him at all. I’d consider he had had enough!” IMPOSSIBLE. In the course of a sensational film, the villain, after a desperate run, reached the railway bridge. “What’s he going to do now?” whispered a small child to his mother. “He’s going to blow up the bridge,” was the reply. “But, mother,” protested the boy, “he can’t do it; he’s out of breath already.” EARLIEST SLIMMING. Around the ‘‘paternal hearth” the mouthful son and heir of the house of Bloggs was commenting upon the bonders of the lecture on geology he lad just returned from. “The professor told us of some renarkable finds —of skeletons of prelistoric man, discovered near the :oast, that were twice as thin as any ie had ever inspected before, dad.” Bloggs, senior (reflectively): Those loor skeletons, my son, were proiably discovered on the site of an anient boardinghouse. SUSPICIOUS. : It was two o’clock in the morning. A

policeman observed a suspiciouslooking man loafing about outside a certain, house. He watched him for | a few minutes, and then addressed him. | “Here, you,” he said, “wotcher hang- | ing about this house for?” The man turned weary eyes on the I questioner. “I’m only waiting for-the lady inside I to go to sleep, constable,” he said. I “You see, we’re married.” f

NOT NEEDED. Peter took his country cousin to a football match to see his favourite team. It was the first game -she had ever witnessed, and she asked many questions. Unfortunately, Pdtefl’s team, was very badly beaten. During the first half of the game the opposition scored four goals, and during the second half they made the number up to eight. Peter was crestfallen as they left after the game, but lie managed to pluck.up enough courage to ask her what she thought of it. “I think it was simply lovely,” she replied. “But there’s one thing I can’t understand. Why do they have two sets of goalposts if only one is used in each half?”

ADMISSION FREE. William Henry had been courting her for two years, and throughout that, time Susan had not been taken anywhere. Not even to the talkies. Ono Friday evening she mustered up courage to say: “You know, to-morrow is Saturday, and —and I thought that we might go —by way of a change—somewhere .. . C-c-can.’t We go to the pictures, darling?” To her great joy William Henry beamed agreement. It seemed too good to be true. “Certainly, Susan,” he smiled. “Pictures will suit me. I’ll meet you tomorrow afternoon at 2 o’clock, on the steps of the.place, just when the Art Gallery opens!” MERE TRIFLES. ‘‘l can’t imagine what’s the matter with me, doctor; I’m continually thinking about myself.” “Tut, tut! You must stop worrying over such trifles.” JUST GROWED.

Kathleen: How did you get the habit of wearing your hair so long? Malvern: Oh, it just grew on me. MOVING. The music rose louder and louder, and the pianist worked himself into a frenzy. Then, after a great volume of sound, the music ceased abruptly. “You were quite right about your playing, young man,” said the hostess. “I am so glad you enjoyed it,” returned the player. “Yes,” continued the hostess, “you said you would rattle off a few things on the piano, and two of my best vases have already disappeared.” COSTLY. Jones was very backward in his studies. One day he was called into the headmaster’s study. "I’ve had your teacher’s report,” began the head, “and if you don’t showsigns of improving I will ask your father to call and see me.” Jones, whose father was a. doctor, did not seem unduly concerned. “Please yourself, sir,” he replied, “but I shouldn’t, if 1 were you. He charges seven-and-six for a visit.” SIMPLE. Pat got a. free ticket for the pictures. He was puzzled about the words “Not transferable” on the back. He asked Mick what (hey meant. And Mick, with superior knowledge, explained:— “Sure an’ it’s plain enough. It manes that if ye.don’t go yerself ye can’t get in.”

DIG ONE UP, PERHAPS? “I'm going to write a book and entitle it “The Garden,” said the author. “In that case,” replied his friend wittily, “you’ll need a good plot.” HIS BOOKMARK. Teacher: “Where are you up to in your studies, Jones? Jones: “Just as far as the book is dirty, sir.” WANT A LOT FOR THEIR MONEY. Fortune Teller: You are about to be discovered by a big movie producer and will soon be a star. Flapper: But that’s the same thing you told my friend Rosa. Fortune Teller: I can’t help i(. You girls won’t be satisfied with anything less nowadays.