WEEK-END SMILES

Greymouth Evening Star, 29 October 1932, Page 10

WEEK-END SMILES

NOT LIBERAL Sims: While in Paris T paid five pounds in tips alone. . Walter (assisting him on with his Co.at): You must ’have lived there a good many years, sir. STRATEGY “That smart new florist is certainly keeping on the slogan, ‘say it with flowers.’ ” , „„ ‘Why? What does ho do? “Weil, so far lie’s sent me a bunch of forget-me-nots -with every bill. BREAKING THE NEWS Joliiiiiy: Say, dad, remember the stoi‘v ydu told ihe about the time you were expelled from school? Dad: Yes. Joliniiy: Well, isn’t it funny how history repeats 'itself? A ’TEMPEST * “I say,” said a policeman, “where’s your light?” “Oh,” replied the cyClist, ‘the wind blew it out.” “Strange!” reiriarked'the policeman. “There's'no wind‘here,'but there must have been a 'terrific gale where you came from, for it -lias ,‘blbwn your lamp away, too!” AT THE-BAR Judge: Have you ever,seen the prisoner at the Bar? Witness: Yes, that’s where I met him. JUST CURIOUS “I beg your pardon, sir, but what is your name?” ’tlie'teiler politely asked the man presenting-.-a cheque. “Name,” replied the customer. “Don’t you see my signature on the cheque?” “I do,” answered the teller. “That’s what aroused my curiosity.” A SOFT - ANSWER ■ An actor had been guilty of dangerous driving. A policeman ‘approached, tugging his notebook arid pencil from his pocket. The actor smiled. “Well, my man,”’lie said pleasantly, “I make it a rule never to sign autograph albums, but in your case I’ll make an exception . . .” WHOSE BUSINESS? Mis Hatt stopped to talk to her friend, and her -husband waited at a short distance. Presently she rejoined him again. “Il’m,” ’he commented, “and what was that woman talking about?” - “Business,” she replied, offhandedly. “Yes, I know,” murmured hilbby sternly, “but whose?” LOOKING FORWARD TO IT Theatrical Manager: Now, in the third act .you eat’ a four-cdufse dinner and “dririk a. bottle Of wine. Hungry ; Actor (riut/rif Work for six months): Splendid! Er—when do we start rehearsing? A TICKLISH PROBLEM A teacher was reading the history of -England to her class. On coming to the statement that Henry I. never laughed after the death of his son, she noticed One of' the lil'tle girls -had raised her hand. “Well, Amy,” said the teacher, “what is it?” “Please ma’am,” said little Amy, “what did Henry I. ’do 'when’-he *sas ■tickle’d?” OVERHEAD 'NOISES A. lady staying in jari 'hotel -nvas frightened : by nriisds ••’all Wight in ; £ho room overhead, so 'asked the manager '<to' investigate. He found that -it fivas ; a sick foreigner, obeying the i : iriprirtect , lY“UndeTyt;odd directions Of an ; Erig'li&h medical Irian --“Take the medicirie-tw-o nights rtinnirtg, J and then Skip r a■night!” THE GREATER THE -TRUTH . . Tile “young 'wife -iVris ; '-i-n tears she ripened the klob'r -to 'lirir 1 huribafid. ’“l’ve been,insulted,” ’she sobbed. “Your mother insulted ’me?’ ‘“My 'hjbther!” : ’he exclaimed. “But. she’s miles away.” “I know, but. a letter Crime 'for ydu this morning, arid I Opened it.” He looked stefim “I'see, ■ but‘where does the insult come in?”

, “In the postscript/’ she answered, “it said, ‘Dear Alice, don’t forget to give this letter to GeoTge.’ ” THE EMPTY JAR A. man was persuaded by a dealer to give several guineas for-a jar which, he was assured, was of great value. The collector showed his -prize to a donnoissdur friend, who examined it thoughtfully. “How much did ho rook you for it?” ho ,-asked. “Seven guineas,” replied the collector. “Well, well!” mused the expert. “And he didn’t throw-in-any marmalade with it. Too bad!” THE -PRICE He had talked about himself till 'she could endure it no longer. “It costs a great deal more than one would think to become a bTdad-mind-ed, and intelligent man-of the world.” be remarked. “I suppose so,” she said, “and I don’t blame you for saving your money.” JUST LIKE FELIX /Yes,” said the knowing one, “since entering the firm of Weather and Weather, young Bertram Tance has advanced step by step through every department.” His fair young listener sighed happily. ( “How wonderful," she replied. “He must be chairman or president of the firm by now.” “No, just a shopwalker,” said the knowing one. CERTAIN OF -IT Banker: You imlst realise, young man, that I can't-give my daughter to a man whose future is hot assured.” Suitor: But, sir, if you 'consent to our marriage my future Is ‘assured. THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING “To whom are you married now?” asked the inspector of one of the inmates of-.an asylum who-was always imagining he was married to some celebrated person or -other. “The devil’s daughter,” was the answer.

“That's a strange selection,” said lhe inspector. “No,” replied the lunatic. “She’s a very nice girl and manages the house well."

“I’m glad you are so happy,” said the inspector. “Well,” said,the patient, “most pleasures have, their drawbacks, The trouble is that I find her old folks very difficult to get on with!”