LIARS AND LIONS

Greymouth Evening Star, 26 July 1932, Page 2

LIARS AND LIONS

WHEN THE DONKEYS RAN.

“Tommy’s gone, what shall I do,„ Oh Tommy’s gone, and I’ll go to °- The voice coming from the foe sie of the coastei’ was rich and full SO' much so that it woke up the skipperwho was dozing in a deck chair - outside his cabin. He sensed that something was not as it should be, and looking over the rail saw four members of the crew coming aft. They settled on the main hatch where there was an unoiled tarpaulin, and apparently started a conversation which had been cut short m the foc’sle, writes “W.E.5.,” in the “Cape Times.” “Yes,” said Tommy, the best sailor on board and a great favourite, “as soon as we get south I’m off on the wallaby. This packet’s due for a survey and that means a fortnight of chippin’ and scrapin’, and ‘come here, Tommy,’ and ‘go there, Tommy.’ No. you. blokes keep the fires burnin’ till I come back. I want to go up country and see the trees and the cows and sleep undei - the stars for a bit.” The skipper could hear every word, and although he was sorry to learn that Tommy was packing up, he was not surprised, for it had happened on and off for the past eight years. A few months on the coast and then Tommy would get an attack of the wanderlust. He simply disappeared, for sometimes almost a year, and then one day someone would say, “Tommy’s back, sir,” and sure enough the old sailor would come aboard and ask for a chance to sign on, and as the “old man” had a very weak spot for Tommy he always fitted him in somewhere. On this evening the vessel lay at anchor in the river close to the village of Inhambane. On either hand the bright moon lit up the coconut palms, which came down to the water’s edge, and shed a long golden path along the river. The intense heat of the day was being cooled down by a slight dew, and all round the stars were reflected and magnified in the swiftly flowing tide, where phosphorescent patches occasionally made known the presence of a big shark on the prowl under the stern. It was an ideal night for spinning a ; yarn, and Tommy was in good form, sq his wonderful imagination ran riot. “Where do you make for first when you go up country?” asked Nobby. “Oh,” said Tommy, “I’m thinkin’ of goin’ through the Northern Transvaal after I’ve been to Rhodesia.”

“Rhodesia?” said Nobby, “not me, there’s lions there so they tell me. Ever see any, Tommy?” “Me ever see lions ? ! ’ asked Tommy. “Why, the last time I was up there I saw flocks of ’em, just like sheep.” The Bosun made a pointed remark.

“There you are,” said Tommy, “you only read the pictures in the books and don’t know nothing. Now let me tell you somethin’ you don’t know, and it’s the truth.' The time I’m speakin’ of me and my pal Bill Drippin’ was tradin’ through Rhodesia with a donkey wagon. We outspanned one night in the lion country and we could hear ’em all round us in the bushThere must have been hundreds of ’em. , ' THE DONKEYS MOVE. “However, before it was light we inspanned and got movin’. Presently. I says to Bill, ‘do you notice anythin’?’ He says, ‘yes, she seems to be movin’ faster than usual.’ “I looked over the side and reckoned we was makin’ a good five knots, which is fast for donkeys, and besides, there were noises I didn’t like among the sixteen animals. I was just sittin’ still same as I’m sittin’ now, and. waftchin’ the first streak of dawn cornin’ over the hill in front, when all of a sudden the wagon gave a jerk and we was off.

“Talk about buck jumpin’! We leaped six foot and heaps, cleared fallen trees, and sometimes we didn’t seem to touch the ground for a hundred yards at a time, and just as I was beginnin’ to think of jumpin’ off the donkeys got foul of two or three trees at once and we was brought up all standin’, and what do you think had happened?”

“Don’t know,” said the Bosun, “I suppose you woke up.”

“You would,” said Tommy. “But I’m tellin’ you somethink. When we went to look we found that two lions had got harnessed in forard instead of the donkeys and as soon as the othei’ donkeys seen what was up they bolted.”

The men howled with delight and derision and made so much noise that the Portuguese Commandante ashorethought there must be a free fight on the English ship. “If you ain’t the biggest liar unhung I’ll eat my hat,” said Jimmy the Spider. “You,” said Tommy. “If I’d been in gaol half my life same as you, I’d strangle nieself. But let me tell you this: that blinkin’ wagon went so fast the sparks from tlie wheels set fire to the bush and it. was the biggest fire they ever had in the country for years.”

When the noise had eased down a bit the crowd egged Tommy on to tell another yarn and he was quite agreeable.

NEARLY “KING.” “I never told you how they nearly made me a king, did I ?” “Nearly’s right,” said the Bosun. “But let her go, Tommy.” “Yes,” said Tommy, “there was onlj r a drum of castor oil between me and bein’ a real king. It was like this. Me and Bill -was at the back of nowhere doin’ odd jobs, and for days we saw no sign of a farm, and then we struck a native village where everyone was sick. I soon sized the matter up and we went to see the chief. “What Bill don’t know about languages isn’t worth worryin’ about, and before I knew what was happenin’ Bill introduces me as a famous doctor come to cure his people. We talked it over, and promised to be back within a week. Aftei' scouring the country lound for a hundred miles buying up alt the castor oil at the stores, we filled a good-sized drum and hired a wagon, and within ten days were back at the chief’s hut. "He sent out scouts, and by next day we had such a crowd you’d have thought it was a football match for the League final. They lined up and come one- at a time with me standin’ Ifni: r d ™ n }, Bivin ’ haIC a., condensed milk tin full of castor oil to man woman, and child.” “You didn’t kill nobody!” asked the Bosun. Kill nobody,” said Tommy. Some of eni would have scoffed the whole drum and finished it off with a

dose of fish hooks if we’d let ’em. Anyways, the next day there was dancin’ and feastin’ for all those that was well, and the chief wanted me to stay for ever because I was such a wonderful witch doctor. “Ho wanted to make me a prince’ right away, but first of all there was dozens waitin’ to be cured, and they’d licked the drum clean, so what could we do? There was plenty of mealies in the district, so we got a wagon load for the asking and' set off to get some more castor oil. “But we never back. The

mealies fetched a good price, and Bill’ and me moored up alongside a bar; But as I said before, it just wanted another drum of castor oil for me to be made a king.” Nobby was about to question Tommyon one or two points when eight bells went, and the skipper could be heard shutting up his deck chair as a gentle hint for the men to clear out. The hands sauntered forward, and within half an hour there was a deadly silence ashore and afloat only broken now and again as the ebb tide gurgledunder the bows.