HUMOURS OF RAILROAD

Greymouth Evening Star, 14 August 1928, Page 10

HUMOURS OF RAILROAD

TRAVELLERS’ FOIBLES.

Fifty years of quiet observation of the railway passenger, which he has distilled into a book, lie behind the career of Mr. Thomas Phillips, . a ticket collector at Carmarthen station, who has retired from the service of the Great Western Railway Company. More than 10,000 copies of his book, “Railroad Humours,” have been sold. In it he has set down the many foibles of railway travellers, and, not content with this, has caricatured them in pen-and-ink sketches by himself. “You meet all kinds of passengers,” Mr. Phillips tells you. “There’s the man who arrives at the station just in time to see the train going out, and the man who gets there half an hour too soon, with the remark, 'There’s nothing like making- sure of it.’ Then there’s the methodical person in between these two. He arirves quite cool and collected, takes a ticket, buys a newspaper, and chooses a comfortable seat. No sooner is he settled than the whistle goes, and out steams the train. Nine times out of ten you can pick out a preacher. His bag is a very small one, just enough to carry a nightgown, hair brush, comb and one or two sermons. Sometimes we see a lot of people who are, quite different from those who usually travel. The men are all clean-shaven, and wear overcoats trimmed with fur or astrakhan. The women have golden hair, which may be natural, but has a suspicion of dye. They are a company of theatricals.” Mr. Phillips relates many good stories of the people who attempt to avoid payment of fare. “In one case,” he says, “a woman had quite a large girl on her lap. The collector asked for her ticket. She hadn’t one. ‘lt’s nothing to do with the railway company,’ she said; ‘I am carrying the child.’ ” Hints on how to deal with fellowpassengers who make themselves objectionable are to be found in some of the stories. “Two women were arguing about the carriage window. At last one of them called the guard, ‘lf this window is open,’ she declared ‘I shall catch cold, and it may cause my death.’ ‘lf this window is closed,’ retorted the other, ‘I shall certainly suffocate.’ The two women glared at each other. Meanwhile the guard 'was in a quaundary until a third passenger a man —chimed in: ‘I say, guard, just leave the window open for a time. That will kill one. Then close the window, and that will suffocate the other. We shall then have a little peace.’ ”