A JEST OR TWO

Greymouth Evening Star, 10 December 1927, Page 9

A JEST OR TWO

“I must appear ridiculous like this.” "Oh, no. It shows that you will be very useful for cleanins the floors.” Pages Gales, Yverdon.

nr Ar nr nt nr nr Aft # % Act -It Ati nt n- Ar Art Power of Suggestion.—Tom: "Why are vour socks on wrong side out, Bob?” Bob: “My feet were hot and 1 turned the hose on them.” Domestic Pet.—Some people are worrying how to keep the wolf from the door; others are figuring out how they can throw it out of the house before it has pups.

■ “Be careful, my friend, 1 could have you arrested for carrying arms without a permit!” —Pel© Mele, Paris. &% % %%a?%% % % % % % Aft Aft & %

Winding 'up the Ingersoll.—Robert Ingersoll was famous for the library, of infidel books which he possessed. One day a reporter called on Mr. Ingersoll for an. interview, and among other questions, asked: "Would you mind telling me how much your library cost you, Mr. Ingersoll?" Looking over at tho shelves, he answered: “Well, my boy, these books cost me, anyhow, the Governorship of Illinois, and perhaps the Presidency of the United States!,"

Rah! Rah!—"How do you play hookey from the correspondence school?” “I. send them an empty envelope.” Sure Dope.—Sweety: “What Is the cure for seasickness?” Salty: “Give it up.” * ♦ • Custom Made.—Neighbour: “Yes, but I ’ad the last word wiv him. I sez to ’im, I sez, ‘You’re as ugly as if you’d been measured for it.’ ” Getting Even.—The meanest man to-day is the husband who’ll shave the back of his wife’s neck with the razor she’s used to sharpen a pencil. Provided the Show.—The policeman shouted angrily to the crowd, “Now then, now then! You can’t stand here looking at the fire.” "But you’re letting that fellow over there look at it," returned an angry man. "It’s his fire,” answered the policeman. Esteemed Colleague.—Messenger (to newsboy): ‘Who’s the swell guy ye was talkin’ to, Jimmie?” Newsboy: "Aw, him and me’s woiked togedder fer years. He's the editor o’ one o’ my papers." fit * • Sad Reminder.—Wife: “Every time you see a pretty girl, you forget you’re married.” Hubby: "You’re wrong, m’ dear. Nothing brings home the fact more forcibly.” ? • • Watchful Waiting.—Sam sat on the sunny side of the tree, the perspiration running down his face. “Boy, why don’t you-all-seat yo’self on the shady side?”"his friend asked him. "That’s all you knows ‘bout nature,” replied Sam. “By and by sun’s goin’ to be on that side, and then Ah won't hab to move."

“You must not remain standing there! If everybody stood still on the street how could anybody get past?” —Jugend, Munich.

“I have a very economical wife. Yesterday she made me.a necktie out'of one of her old dresses.” “Yesterday my wife made, herself a dross out of one of my neckties.” —Her Brummer, Berlin-

rvc % tk Curse of Adam.—-" Has he a profession?" “No, I understand he works.” . > True Modesty.—“l have come to ask you if - you will subscribe to this deserving charity?” "Certainly. I will give you a cheque now. Here you are.” “You have forgotten to, sign tt," “I know—l want to remain anonymous.’’ • . , ;_ f

“Why do you applaud when she sings so wretchedly?” “So long as I am applauding ths can’t sing again!” —Lustige Blaetter, Berlin.

In Good Voice.—-This story Is ,b&ng > told of a London Judge who likes music. ■ ■, ~ He was the guest of a box-holder at a musical play, but his hostess maintained an even flow of chatter all through the piece. At the end, she cordially invited him i , t to join her party at the opening per- i formance at Covent Garden this season. "With pleasure,” said he. “I would like to hear you in grand opera.”