Tales and Fancies

Greymouth Evening Star, 9 July 1927, Page 9

Tales and Fancies

From the Pen of Fritz Holland

IDENTIFICATION Tommy Burns had just arrived in Australia, and had gone for a day at Rosehill Racecourse. While he was sorting out his bundle of notes, a tout approached him. , The Tout: What do you like for this race? Obligingly, Tommy told him. “I don’t like that prad,” said the tout. “I just saw Tommy Burns put a fiver on ‘Scooter.’ I think that will do me, too.” “Is zat so?” grinned Tommy. “I'll bet you a flver you don't know Tommy Burns.” “You’ll bet what?” ejaculated the tout. “Yeah, come on!” Burns kidded him. adding out "fl £5 note. “You’re Tommy Burns, of course! chortled the tout, pocketing the note. Tommy managed to grin feebly. “Wait, Topamy,” the tout said. “I’ll help you get it back. We’ll have a joke on a fellow that 1 know. Here he comes now. Come here,, Micko!” “Haven’t got time, Bill. Tommy Burns is clerking here .to-day for a bookmaker friend of his, and I want .o see him." “I’ll bet you a tenner he isn’t.” “Go on, I know he is.” “Put it up!” “Too right! Ten more if you like.” ’T’ve got no more money. This gentlenan will bet you.” “Right! Make it 20!” “Certainly!” Tommy agreed, handing over the money. “Come on with me," said tout number two, walking over to a bookie’s ntand. Then to the clerk: “What is vour name, please?” "Tommy Burns —but not the fighter, ■nite!” Tommy was losing interest in the •aces. "Good on you!” chuckled Tommy, revenged at last. The money was put up, and Tommy looked around for a disinterested party io identify him. “You’ve lost!” said the stakeholder 1.0 his confederate. "This is Tommy Burns." “No fear, mate! His name is Noah Brusso!" Of course, it was. “Say, who the hell is Tommy Burns, inyway?” wondered the bewildered Tommy, as the touts went jubilantly >n their way. There came another, but the jokes . ppatently were all dope with, for th<

newcomer was introduced. “Just a minute, Jack! I want you to meet Tommy Burns.” “Don’t try to work that on me!” said the third tout. “He’s not Tommy Burns." “Bet you a fl ver!” “Certainly—and ten more.” The tout winked at Burns. "Fifty if you like!” said Tommy. "Too right! I’m betting you your name’s not Tommy Burns —and fifty more." OBEDIENCE * ■ “Gunboat” Smith and 1 were seconding Owen Moran against Joe Azanedo. at the Oakland Wheelmen’s Club. Azanedo was a rough, tough, young fellow, while Moran was one of the world’s best lightweights, and a veteran. ' But on this occasion Owen was in bad form. He seemed to have thrown his skill into the discard, and began toe-tb-toe slogging with the fighting Azanedo. “Gunboat” couldn’t understand it Whatever was Moran thinking of? “Box him! Box him! Think a little

bit! Use your head, Owen! Use your head!” he cried. Whereupon Moran butted Azanedo’s front teeth out. “He’d make a wonderful soldier—th way he obeys orders,” observed Gunboat, sarcastically, as Moran was disqualified. BREVITY Yank sports writers are not cor. siderate of pugs' feelings. Long Jim .Tracey arrived in Los Angeles and called on one of them He must have been disappointed with the result. Here is the comment he received. “An elongated individual arrived yesterday, to state that he is heavyweight champion of Australasia. He neglected to state that it was a fine day, thus following one interesting remark with another.”