WANTED—A HOUSE

Greymouth Evening Star, 18 March 1922, Page 7

WANTED—A HOUSE

-«£> GET UNG Wli IE A HOME. A SHORT STORY. (For the “Star,” by D.D.) What comfort is there lor a young wile living m rooms f I rank Sunshine rooKed at ms wile Alice m dismay, aney were at oieaKiast amt tne noise oi oilier peisvlis . moving about in the nouse was becoming Ulloearaole. Alice react toe annoyance in her husband's lace. “I m advertising again to-day,” she said. 1 want you to pul it in the "otar.’ ” But you ve been advertising for months,” her husband remarked gloomily. 1 ve advertised and advertised,” sne admitted, "but all to no purpose. 1 don't know wnat is the matter. \\e don't want a pataee. But it seems quite impossible to get a House in Greyinouth. 1 neany hau a piace weeics ago, out tuen, nve others hact a. chance beiore me and 1 lost it.” "Its oeyond me,” said trank. “Absolutely contrary to all the laws oi supply and demand. Were prepared to pay good rent, and we d look alter the piace. .People don t know .when to snap up a. good tmug.” 1" rank bunshine lapsed into silence. “Get me last night's ‘btar, ’ ” he said at length. He scanned the "Wanted” column with professional interest, lor he was an advertising agent. Hitherto this special column had not interested him. But now Jus brain was at work. ‘Where s the ad. you want me to insert' ’ he asked. His wife handed him a slip of paper. It read; Wanted.—s -roomed house; pprd pay good rent; 2 adults, no chdn. ’Apply —Mrs Frank bunshine, 21 Pam Street, Greymouth. “No good, Alice,” said Frank, putting on his professional face. “No wonder you failed to get a house. Your ad. is most unattractive—merely a monotonous state-

ment. People read that sort of thing even day. Look here, Al., this is my business Every ad. that has not a personal appea is quite useless. You must get in toucl with the reader. Excite him, interest him. Let him think that you are being * rushed with offers of houses, and if he doesn t hurry hell be lull. Convince him that you’re simply turning ’em away —and you will be to-morrow.” lhen I rank,” said Alice, a, little wearily, "will you advertise?” “Aly dear, that’s just what 1 intend to do. Of course, it's my business. If 1 can’t write an ad. that will make every man f and woman in Greymouth howl bitterly > because they haven t got a five-roomed . house to Jet, I’ll go out of the advertising business for good and for all.” \\ -w-woii t it cost you a lot of money?”. “.Money?” the husband exclaimed. “What’s money compared with Home, Sweet Home? When I’m done you’ll have hundreds rushing you with houses. I’m going to revolutionise the whole ‘House \\ anted world. When I've got you a peerless mansion I’ll make it a, special department of my firm to get houses for everybody—houses, houses, houses !’’ Oh, I 1 rank,” said Alice in admiration, “you II be a benefactor to the human race.” i Frank kissed his wife thecrfullv and left for the office. Ihe same evening Alice opened the “btar” eagerly. She buried her face in her hands and burst into tears. Her name and address in big print, stared at her from every column. Such announcements as these were everywhere: If a THOUSAND PEOPLE tried to Jet a five-roomed house to .Mrs Frank Sunshine, 21. Paris Street, Greymouth, bnly one would .succeed." Why shouldn’t that one be YOU ? DU IT NOW 1 Tumor row will be too late. .Mrs Prank Sunshine, 21 Paris Street, Greymouth, will have a house bv them A PRIZE EOR YOU if you’re quick. .Mrs Frank Sunshine, 21 Paris

Street, Greymouth, wants a, fiveluonied house. -Mrs Drank Sunshine does NOT Bld)I IHE a ramshackle. She wants, and will have, one of the best fiveroomed houses in Greymouth. Have YOU that pearl? WHY WORK OR WORRY? Rent a- five-roomed Jmuse. to Mrs Frank Sunshine, 21 Baris Street, Greymouth. ‘‘Oh, Frank,” Alice said reproachfully when her husband came in to tea,” all Greymouth will see those ads.” “Of course, why not?” “Myfriends will laugh at my name and address and all.” “They won’t laugh when you get the house and they don’t.” Next day Frank hurried home at 6 p.m. Bis wile met him at the door in a state of collapse. “Hell.” he. smiled, ‘‘got one?” “Oh, J'rank, it’s been dreadful.” ‘Haven't you got one?” “Hundreds! I’ve been interviewing people all day. We shall have to put a notice up to keep the crowd away. The breakfast dishes are not washed up yet. 1 never knew there were so many houses in New Zealand.” “Advertising. Of course, it’s my business,” said Frank gloriously. “But what house did you pick?” ‘I didn t choose any at all. I got so bewildered with looking over plans and comparing prices that I had to give it up ; ” “Dash it all then we’re no further ahead,” Drank said sharply. Alice broke down. Drank comforted her. “Very well, Al., never mind. As it is I’ve a much better scheme up my sleeve. It was all my mistake. I should have made them apply by letter and we could have reviewed the replies together. My idea is a. space display. I’ll take a quarter of a. page in next Saturday’s “Star.” Next Saturday Greymouth was startled by this announcement: Nothing to do but Collect the Rent!

(Fill in this coupon but send no money.) I desire to let a five-roomed house to Airs Frank Sunshine, 21 Paris Street, Greymouth. Name : Address: Weight: . Ago: Religion (if any) : Is house lit with gas or electricity? Does the dustman call? If Borough water laid on is there a hotel handy? Is there a key to the front door? How many hours a day do the neighbours play the piano? “The postman will have to get a fleet of cars to bring the mail,” said Frank as he left for work on Monday morning. “Don’t worry yourself by opening the letters, dear. Leave them to me.” He arrived back late in the afternoon prepared for hard work. His wife reported that she had not received one letter. Frank was thunder-struck. “They must have seen the display,” he said dejectedly. “Ah, I gotTt. My first ads. were so successful that they attracted, everyone in Greymouth with a place to rent. As we’re advertising again so soon after they think the place they have to offer is unsuitable, or else they’re cautious. “But still you haven’t got me a. home,” Alice sighed, “and now we’ll never get one in Greymouth.” “That’s true. We’ve exhausted the local market,” added Frank gloomily. When Frank returned from the office several evenings later he found Alice paoking up. . She flushed with pleasure." I’m so glad,” she said, “that I got a house. I got tired of your big advertising schemes, Frank, so I asked the butcher if he happened to know of anyone wanting to rent a. house, and he said ho knew the very place we wanted. I went along to see it this afternoon; and we are to go into it at the end of this week. Isn’t it a surprize?” ' ' “It is a surprise 1” said Frank, and then, being an advertising agent he said no more. , '