WEEK-END CHAT

Greymouth Evening Star, 13 August 1921, Page 8

WEEK-END CHAT

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

(By

“Mackay.”)

“A man’s conduct is an unspoken sermon.” *’A vacant mind is open to all suggestions, as the hollow mountain returns all sounds.” “Self-respect is the early form in which greatness appears.” ‘‘Genius, so-called, is sometimes an infinite capacity for sneaking brains.” ‘‘The Lord knows some people made their money; perhaps that’s wiiy they always look so worried.” As a result of a remark made at the last meeting, a well-known member of the (treymouth Borough Council is now being quoted as an authority on the virtues of beef tea as sold by local hotels. The said Councillor's figure would be a splendid testimonial for any beverage he cared to recommend.

, One of the heavy-weights who played in Wednesday's fancy costume football match was telling his friends all about it. “I. got the ball once,” he said, proudly, “and did my share. Of course, I was not trying my best!” Had the New Zealand selectors only known of this performance. Jack Steel would have been beaten for his place in the All Blacks by a' ‘‘close shave.” “Returned Soldier” writes :■ —The attitude of some towards the Memorial Fund gala reminds me of the following parable:—A small boy was laboriously pushing a heavy hand-cart up a steep hill, and stopping every few minutes to wipe the perspiration from his face. A clergyman who was watching the boy, thinking to help him, c Hid out, ‘ Pii’.h it up zigzag my lad, and. you will find it much easier.” Not so much o’ yer bloomin’ advice,” retorted the boy. ‘‘Come and give me a shove.”

Birkenhead (England) has decided'to have no more policewomen, remarks “Punch,” on the ground that they “get married almost as soon as they are enrolled.” It all comes of teaching them to say, “You come along quietly,” in just the right tone of voice. As usual, many telephone enquiries were received by- the “Star” regarding the results at Addington and Riccarton tliTs week, and to many the information given seemed to be unwelcome. One terse comment was “Oh! lie?’ Judging by the tone of voice, was the wrong gee. One who spotted a winner exclaimed :—“Gee, ■ : iz!” and the time of the race proved that was what the horse did. A Dominion Judge’s little daughter recently attended her father’s court for '><’ first time and was very much interested in the proceedings. After her return home she told her mother: “Papa, made a speech, and several other men made speeches to twelve men who sat altogether, and then these twelve men were put in a dark room to be developed.”

“The following story . a Dour an an sent minded bishop is being whisperer around in ecclesiastical circles, ’ say: the “Morning Post.” “At the end o a. very tiring day he was conducting ■' confirmation service, at which then was a large number of candidates. The last candidate to come up was an oh •nan with a perfectly, bald head. The bishop placed his hands upon his head • I the usual manner, but in the most unusual manner was heard to exclaim as he did so—‘L declare this stone tc be well and truly laid.’ ”

As a consequence of Coalition’s success, one Coast punter found it desirable to leave Christchurch earlier than lie expected, but he was not downhearted and came back enriched with one new story:—“Paddy O’Leary was very much excited. He was on an English racecourse, and the great race of the day was being run. ‘Lind 1110 your glasses,’ he said to one of his neighbours. He scanned the course. ‘Be jabers,’ he exclaimed, ‘see my horse. He’s a beauty. He’s drivin’ the hull lot o’ them before him. Luk at him, that chap with the yellow His neighbour, taking the glasses, said, ‘Why, your horse is last of all.’ ‘“lt doesn’t matter,’ replied Paddy, triumphantly, ’begorra, Ive got ten bob on him both ways.’ ”

One of the current stories in Dun edin is of a young man and a shop keeper. An account was owing. Th< debtor chanced to be passing the sho; when the creditor saw him, asked him in, and wanted to know about a squar-ing-up. Debtor replied that he had no money, and saw no prospect of getting any. Pressed as to his expectations or side resources, he remarked that he hadn’t got anything worth sixpence except his Jalse teeth. “AVell, I'll take them, if you like,” rejoined the shopkeeper, no doubt reckoning that such a pledge would quickly be redeemed. But this happened weeks a-o, and the debtor has not yet gone back for his ivories. Perhaps he is going without food ; perhaps he isn t.