MERRIER MOMENTS.

Greymouth Evening Star, 17 October 1918, Page 8

MERRIER MOMENTS.

lu these work-ox-fight days some men are already useiul, some achieve usefulness, and oikers have usefulness thrust upon tuem. “I wish 1 had a baby brother 'to wheel in my go-cart, mama, said small Elsie. “My dolls are always getting- broke when it tips over.” Lawyer: “Are you aware, sir, that what you contemplate is illegal?” Client: “Certainly. What do you suppose I came to consult you for?” The only real happiness in this life spring's from doing- things for others, and nothing gives us greater pleasure than, bringing our loved ones a box of candy, of which we are very fond. His Honour: “liufus, didn’t you hear that you bad to work or fight?” liufus: “Yaas, boss, I sho’ dun hyer dat. So I goes and gits married right away.” The Food Administration lias frowned on the envelope plan of serving sugar in restaurants, but perhaps the idea ought not to be abandoned altogether. The envelopes may be handy to serve coal in next winter. Mother: “That young man of yours is simply impossible.' He doesn’t like Shaw; he doesn’t like Ibsen; be dosn’t like Galsworthy. Whom does he like ” Daughter (demurely): “Me.” “Do you think there is a chance that people will he required to wear clothes made of paper?” “Shouldn’t be surprised. They have already made a start. Some of this summer’s designs look like wall-paper.” Do you believe the old assertion that a politician is a statesman out of a job?” “Not altogether,” replied Senator Sorghum. “Sometimes a statesman gets a job and turns politician trying to bold on to, it.’ ’ Jones: “What is Newlywed looking so glum about?” Smith: “Why, the gipsy fortune-teller told his wife that she would have two husbands, and that the second one would be a very fine sort of a man.” Jones: “Ha, ha! And Newly wed thinks that is a reflection on him, I suppose?” Smith: “Oh, no! He thinks his wife must have hee.n married before and never told him.”

“Pa, what is an income-tax?” “Anything' we hny at the present prices, my son.” In making' a sng'arless gooseberry pie, it is advisable to leave out the gooseberries, too. “When I sing the tears come into my eyes. What can Ido for this?” “Stuff cotton in your ears.” Perhaps Emperor Charles and his wife are quarrelling about where they shall go on their long vacation. “Agnes married a self-made man, didn’t he?” “Yes, hut she has compelled him to make extensive alterations.” Uncle Chess Hut says it’s getting to the point where when a fellow’s sick he has to join the army to get a doctor. '“ls this medicine to be used only for local application?” “Dear me, no; you can use If anywhere you happen to he.” Grocer: “Did that watermelon I sold you do your whole family ?” Customer: “Very nearly. The doctor is calling yet.” Most mother-in-law stories are “chestnuts.” The following however, may be new:— It appears that a man whom we will call -Tones put up with the presence of his wife’s mother jo the house for several mentis At length he felt that he could stand it no longer, and he Avent off for a long holiday. He didn’t tell his wife where he was going, for fear the twain might follow him, hut left his address Avith his brother.