JOKES OF THE DAY.

Greymouth Evening Star, 25 August 1905, Page 4

JOKES OF THE DAY.

Strict.—-Dressmaker: And would you have leg of mutton sleeve#, .Madam!’— Customer: Most certainly not. I am a vegetarian I—‘T’unch.”

lie: I hope yon didn’t believe what they raid nhonl me.—She: I make it a point mwer to believe more than half 1 hear.i * : Tes; hut the trouble is generally yon women generally believe the wrong half.

A Winning Game.—Pa : 1 don’t sec how you can expect me to consent to your engagement with Mr Rinks. I hear that his uneh- has cut him out of his will.—Dolly: V-er. I know, dad. But Freddie says- it won’t make any difference if he can only g< t Ids nude to keep on playing bridge a few weeks longer.—“Pick-mo-l'p.”

Her First Game. The Enthusiastic One : Well hit 1 Did you see Master’s leg hit?—lfis mother-in-law : I expected it. That ugly little man has keen throwing that hard hail at him for a long time. —“Comic Life.”

Tit-for-Tal. from monkey from mice.—‘

-She: Yes; men spring ■lie; And women soring Iketchv Bits.”

Poor Chop.—,] edge : What’s thi\ charge, oHii'ci'. • Constable: Attempted suicide, yor honour.—Judge: Stale Hie particulars. —Constable: Well he wanted t’ foight me, yor honour. —“Chips.” Wife; If I thought- a thing was wicked, I'd die before I'd do it. —Husband : So would I.—Wife: f think smoking dears is a wicked waste---an impious defilement, in lacl. —Husband: Then you inusn’t smoke. Hand me a match, please. hits.”

“My dear girl, how could yon think for one moment lie was in u position to propose to you;” “He was on his knees, papa.—“ July.”

About Time.—Father (of large family): My dear, isn’t it about time you were thinking of getting married —'Daughter: Heavens! 1 haven't thought of anything else for years.—“HuJstraled Bits.”

The 1 collection box in St. Matthew’s Church, St. Albans (Christchurch) has been broken open, and rifled for the second time.

A Wellington telegram states that the Government has acquired Cole’s property of fifteen acres at Pei one for workmen’s homes. The price paid is £9OOO. Men in the trade (says a Dunedin telegram) state that owing to the increased importation of machine-made horseshoes, many rough smiths are being thrown out of work all over New Zealand.

A gendarme, who was conducting a man named Furrer, recently sentenced at Zurich to six months’ imprisonment for theft, locked Ids prisoner in idle waiting room at the station pending the arrival of the train v.hjeh was to convey thorn to the prison of Dielsdorf, some fifteen miles dista.nl. Furrer, tired of waiting and finding a window open, descended into the street, and, taking a bicycle—which belonged to a detective —rode olf to the prison, where ho stated he had come to serve six months, and that he had left his guardian behind. The governor treated the matter as a joke at first, hut on telegraphing to Zurich ho discovered to his mead surprise that Furrcr’n statement was perfectly correct, and a cell was placed at his disposal.