SMILES.

Golden Bay Argus, Volume VI, Issue 72, 14 October 1897, Page 3

SMILES.

Young Woman (timidly, to shopman) : “I would like to look at some false hair, please.'’ Shopman (experienced): ‘’Certainly, Miss. What colour does your friend want ?”

This is a true but old story of a public school. A little boy had been sent by lus teacher to the head master to be caned. But instead of asking for the cane, “ Please, sir,” he said to the head master, “could you tell teacher the time ?” The head master told him, and the artful youngster returned to the school-room weeping bitterly, as though he had had his “gruel.” •

O'Brien: “Poor Dorothy! He’s so short-sighted he’s bound to work himself to death.” , . , , , O’Grady : “ Phwat has bein shortsighted to do w:d it ?” O'Brien : “ Whoy, he can t see when the boss ain’t looking, an has to keep ahovellm’ away all the toime !”

Young Lawyer (on his first case) : “ I would give almost anything to win this case _but—l don’t see bow Lean possibly char you.” Prisoner (modestly suggestive) : I don't s’pose yer’d like ter go in the box an’ swear yer committed de crime yerself, would yer ?” Young Lawer : “ Anything but vhat.

“ Some of the customs of the Royal families are very commendable,” remarked Snaggs, at the supper table. “Yes,” replied the wife tentatively. “ Now, in some courts the princes are all taught trades.” . “ Yes, I have seen it stated in the papers that the’Prince of Wales is a mason."

There is one consolation in being bald. When a ruffian strikes you on the head with a stick, the doctor doesn’t have to waste any time in cutting the hair from the wound.

Old Lady : “My poor man, don’t you kuow that strong drink stingeth like a serpent and biteth like an adder ?” Bibulous-looking Party (sadly) : “ This don’t, lady. It’s only cheap watered stuff. I’m too poor to buy the kind of stuff you refer to.”

Charlie (reading his composition): ‘ Every rabbit has four legs and one anecdote.” Teacher : “ What do you mean by an anecdote ?” Charlie : “ A short, funny tale.”

Fond Father : “In giving you my daughter, Mr. Wilford, I pass into your keeping the dearest thing I have on earth." Mr. ’Wilford (anxiously) : “ How, much does she cost you a year, may I ask ?”

Mistress : “ Why, Bridget, what on earth are you doing with nil the broken dishes on the shelf ?" Bridget: “ Shure, mum, ye towld me Oi wur to replace every one Oi broke. ’