THE CURATE’S STORY.

Golden Bay Argus, Volume 2, Issue 3, 17 June 1892, Page 2

THE CURATE’S STORY.

Here is a choice bit from Jerome K. Jerome’s latest book, “ Told After Supper.” It is the story of a party made up exclusively of men, and the lime is Christmas Eve : “ We had some more punch and then the curate told us a story. I could not make head or tail of the curate’s story, so I cannot retail it to you. We none of us could make bead or tail ot that story. It was a good story enough so far as material weu6. There seemed an enormous amount of plot, and enough incident to have made a dozen novels. I never before heard a story containing so muoh incident, nor dealing with so many varied characters. “ I should suppose that every human being our curate had, ever known or met, or even heard of, was brought into that stoiy. There simply hundreds of them. Every (iv« seconds he would introduce a completely fresh collection of characters, accompanied by a brand new set of incidents.

This was the sort of story it was : “ • Well, then my uncle went into the garden and got bis gun, but of course it wasn’t there, and Scroggins said he didn’t believe it.’

“‘Didn’t believe what? Whos’s Scroggins?* “ ‘ Scroggins 1 Oh, why, he was the other man you know. It was his wife ’

“ ‘ What was bis wife 1 What’s she got to do with it?’

“ • Why, that’a what I’m telling you. It was shQ that found the hat. She’d come up with her cousin to London—her cousin was my sister-in-law, and the other niece had married a man named Evans, and Evans, alter it was all over, had taken the box around to Mr. Jacobs, because Jacobs’ father had seen the man when he was alive, and when he was dead, Joseph ’ “ ‘Now, look here, never you mind Evans and the box. What’d become of your uncle and tbe gun ?’ “ ‘ The gun. What gun?’ “ ‘ Why, the gun your nude used to keep in the garden, and tuat wasn’t there. What did he do with it ? Did he kill any of those people with it—any of these Jacobses and Evanseß and Scrogginses and Joaephses ? Because if so it was a good and useful work, and we should enjoy hearing about it.’ ‘ ‘No—Oh, no—how could be? He had been built up alive in the wail, you know, and when Edward IV. spoke to the abbot about it, my sister said that in her then state of health she could not and would not, aa it was endangering the child’s life. So they christened it Horatio, after her own son, who had been killed at Waterloo before he was born, and Lord Napier himself said ’

“ ‘ Look here, do you know what you are talking about?’ we asked him. “He said no, but he knew it was every word of it true, because his aunt bad seen it herself. Whereupon we covered him with the tablecloth and he went to sleep.”

Pessimism. A pessimistic turn of mind, so called, which leads persons who are afflicted with it to tike the worst possible view of things, is sometimes developed quite early in life. Jeremiah, who is twelve years old, is already a confirmed pessimist. Among the thing which he continually grumbles about are his lead pencils, which never have pointe, and to sharpen which he always has to borrow a knife from soma schoolmate. “ Why don’t you have a knife of you own, Jerry ?” one of the boys asked. “ Got no pocket to keep it iu,” Baid Jerry. “ Then wny don’t you have a pocket ?” “’F I had one’t ’a have a hole in it,” *‘ Well, even then you wouldn’t be worse off than you are now.” “ H'm ! Yes, I should. ’F 1 had a pocket V a hole in it I never’d have anything to lose through it.” Jerry sighed deeply, and went on whittling his pencil with the dull blade 0 1 another boy’s knife.