FUNNIOSITIES.

Golden Bay Argus, Volume 2, Issue 1, 3 June 1892, Page 2

FUNNIOSITIES.

Ketrieving the Past- ♦♦•« When Mabel wag discreet sixteen, She was so prime and so sedate, She was so dignified of mien, So calm, unruffled, and eerenr. You would have thought her thirty-eight But now that Mabel's thirty-eight, Oh, what a difference is feen ; She's struck cow such a giddy gait, And goes it at so brisk a rate, You'd surely take her for sixteen? Men who have pay-rental feeling 3 for us— Our landlord*. Pain will frequently transform a child into u groan peraon. " Man wants but little here below I '—but woman wants something all the time. " I see that you have shaved your whiskers?" said Blykens. "No," replied Smahty; "I shaved my face." When woman in yc olden tyme Did squander Her breath in angry words, the men Did pond-'er.

Watts : "How ia old Gilfillian? la he out of danger yet?" Dr. Bowless I " I don't know. He died jhis morning."

Facetious Customer (paying for his shumpou) : " Yours is the crowning work of all.

Dignified Barber : ''Yes, sir; men in my profession stand at the head. Next 1"

Teachek : "Name Bome of the most important things existing to-day which were unknown one hundred years ago ?" Tommy : " You and me."

" There's nothing half so sweet in life As love's young dream." The old song says, but now I know (Since I have felt her old man's toe) Things are not what they seem.

Amateur Actress: " I appear in Juliet next winser. What do you appear in?" Professional Actress : " Tights."

Be Was the Cook.—" Are you the mate V said an Australian to an Irishman whom he saw on the deck of a vessel lying in port. "No, sor," responded Pat. "Oi'm the man that boils the mate."

What do you ask for this article ?" asked a gentleman of a pretty shop girl. " Fifteen shillings, sir," *' Aren't you a little dear?" said he. "Well," she replied, blushing, "all the young men tell me so."

We were in a hammock sitting, Nestling lovingly together. Evening after evening flitting Found us thus in summer weather. But this night an inspiration, Or the moon's infection, led me— Seeking joy'B perpetuation— To beseech the maid to wed me.

Breathless was the hush that followed, Deeper then I felt the pressing In the nest her head had hollowed, And, this speeoh her lips oaressing, Rolled out glibly as 'twere reason With some lubricant did oil it: " Courtship's a delicious season ; " Why get married, dear, and spoil it ?"

Tira following expressive dialogue lately passed between an American school committeeman and a scholar undergoing examination :

" Where is the North Pole I" " I don't know, sir."

" Don't know 1 Are you not ashamed that you don't know where the North Pole ia?"

" Why, sir, if Sir John Franklin, Dr. Kane, Captain de Long and Captain Greeley oouldn't find it, how should 1 know where it is?"

" I thought you said you never would accept Charlie?" said Maud.

"So 1 did; but he put his arm around me when he proposed, and—well, I yielded to pressure," returned Ethel. " Single blesßednesa," Baid Bruning, With his solitude communing, " Cannot yield ue, that is plain, Half the sweet content and pleasure That doth, in such a bounteous measure. Unto double life obtain.

Then he "set hia cap," and wooing Won a maid, whose love's accruing Would, he thought, his momenta bless ; When a year they had been mated Twina appeared, and demonatrated Sweets of double blessedness.

Mbs. M-Carthy : •» Yer wagea is short this wake, Moike."

Mr. M'Carthy:«« Yia, Mary Ann. We had an explosion on Tuesday, an' th' foorman dooked me fer the toime Oi wuz in th' air."

Foolish misses Give their kisses In a free and easy way: And they wonder, Think and ponder, As to why they single stay. But wise misses Keep their kisses Till they have upon their hand His sweet, pleasant, Diamond present In a solid golden band.