Humorous.

Golden Bay Argus, Volume 1, Issue 53, 27 May 1892, Page 2

Humorous.

“ Has that young man proposed yet f asked the fond father. “ Yes, pa,” she answered. “ Did you accept him ?” '• No ; you see, he didn’t propose to me.”

“ Maria, you’ve got to take the baby now,, I’m tired.”

“ You’ve only had him an hour, George.” “ 1 know that ; but I fastened my pedometer on him, aud I’ve trotted dim fifty-three miles.”

‘•Well, you may criticize the young Emperor of Germany ae much as you choose, but there’s a mark of business about his* that I like,” said Spodkins. “ Why. man, when did you read tho papers last ? He got rid of that months ago,” said Bodkins. *' God rid of what ?” “His biz mark, to be sure.”

“ I think there is trouble in etore for me,” murmured M - J. Measure Counter Jumper, as he slid into his accustomed place at Yard and Ribbons’ one hour late.

“ You are mistaken, sir,” said the manager, politely, as he espied him. “Your troubles henceforward will be outside the store.”

A Political Problem.—Mlllicent—“ What is tfc-e meaning of ‘ reciprocity,’ Will?” Will—“ It means an exchange in which neither party has the advantage ; as. for instance, if you v/ere to give me a kis3 (like this) 1 would be obliged to give you one in return (like this). See ?”

Millicent—“ Yea, how lovely; but, Will, I don’t see how an old man like Sir Henry Parkes can be so interested in it ?”

Very Suspicious.—Magistrate—you arrest tnis man?”

■‘‘Why did

Ofiiaer—“ On suspicion. I think he is a Geelong larrikin.”

Magistrate—“Do you know him?” Officer—“No, y’r honor; but he said be was from Geelong, and he soemed to be in a hurry.”

‘‘You said,” she exclaimed indignantly as she laid the hose on the counter, *• that these were fast colors.”

“ Yes’m,” replied the clerk, “and if you'll take the trouble to watch them after they get started to running, ycu’ll see that I wes right.”

“ Johv’s mother lives with you now, does she not 2”

“ Yes, and there’s one nice thing about having my mother-in-law here. John never thinks of comparing my cookiDg with hers, for fear of having to eat one of her dinners.”

As the mercury climbs up the perspiration rolls down.

To journey through life you must “ tip ’’ by the way.

The man who wants the earth need not expect to get it without advertising.

The minister who prepares the poorest sermon is generally the best composer.

There are too many men who think they are religious when they are only scared to death.

Ladies do not like to grow old. and yet they’re the very first to adopt new wrinkles.

Mrs Chatterly—“ Why do you persist in calling Johnny a shaver ?” Chatterly—“ Because he talks too much.”

“ How pale the cream looks,” said the housekeeper. “ Yes’m,” replied the cook ; “ it’s been whipped, mum.”

It is a mistake about it being unhealthy to sleep in feathers. Look at the spring chicken and sae how tough he is.”

At the present rate of scientific progress* it won’t be long before farmers will use electric shocks in their cornfields.

The moon gets full more than twice a year without being arrested.

Men will skin one another clean down to the bone in trade, who would Btarve before they would go into house-breaking as a business.

If you want to sea the difference between a man and a woman, let them marry, and after a time there may be a new difference every day.

“ This liver is awful, Maud,” said Mr Newwed.

“ I’m very sorry,” returned the bride. “I’ll tell the oook to Bpeak to tho livery man about it.”

She —“ Father won’t let you marry me.” He— ‘‘ Why not ? Just think of the money he has borrowed of me.”

“ That’s the trouble. He says ha’s got all you had.”

Maud —“lt’s strange, isn’t it, how the beach can resist the roaring billows of ooean ?”

Algernon—“ Oh, well, you know, I suppose it’s because it has so muoh Band.”

As they stood on the beach where tho wavelets play She laid her head on his satin vest And lifted her lips in a pouting way And —he did the rest.

Ethel—“ It is impossible to love more than one man at a time with sincerity.” Maud—“ True; but, thank heaven, we ean have more than one man love us sinoeraly at a time.”