Some Smile Seeds.

Feilding Star, Volume VI, Issue 1672, 16 December 1911, Page 1 (Supplement)

Some Smile Seeds.

HOW SPITEFUL

What is that rustling sound? It is made by an editor turning over the pages of a manuscript. What will he, do with -the manuscript? He will place it in an envelope with a rejection slip. Why does he use such terrible language? He has jabbca his hand on a paperhook. _ Is the- hook rusty? The hook is rusty. Ho you suppose the poor editor will die of blood poison? Yes, I suppose so. - Would not that be sad? Yes, it would not. OF NECESSITY. The lather of a family presented himself at an emigration office, and asked for tickets. "How. many are you?"enquired the agent. ~"~~ "Three—myself, wife, and child." "Your age and profession, carpenter; my wife, a needlewoman." "Three of you, you said?" enquired the man. "What.,,about the childsex and age." "Boy; seven months." "Profession?" The father's eyebrows were raised so much that they almost formed Gothic arches on his forehead. • "His profession, I say," repeated the agent. The astonished father paused just a moment longer, wondering where the red tape would stop; then, as if inspired, he said: "Bachelor'" PEACE OFEEING-S. ' 'Bow-wow!'' growled the dog. "Ow-ow!" howled the butcher's boy There was a scramble and a scuffle. But human wit was not equal to canine grit, and in a trice the butcher's boy pmned up against a wall. "Help!" he cried. Help came. It came in the bulky shape of the dog's owner, who hurried out of her house to the scene of battle"Naughty little Towser! Downdown!' she exclaimed. "I do hope he hasn't bitten you?"

"No; I've kept him~oS by giving, him your suet/ , ' replied the lad tearfully, « ,but your just in time to save the beef!" .

—"Funny, isn't it?"—" What?"— "Call a man levelheaded, and he's pleased; but call him flat-headed, and he'll knock you down."

—' The hairs of our head are all numbered, you know,"—"So are all the motor cars; but that dosen't prevent either from going fast."

—"I don't know what I am ever going to do with that hoy of mine. Ho is careless and alsolutely reckless of consequences, and doesn't seem to care for anypne."—"Good! You cam make a taxicab driver out of him.

—Hotel Servant: "The man on the top floor complains that the roof leaked so badly last night that he was soaked through and through. " Landlord: ■ "Is that so? Well, just charge him in the bill for an extra shower bath."

—The Duke of Dedbrouck: "So, young woman, you desire my son's title in mariage?" American Heiress (bowing low): "With your permission, your excellency.'' The Duke: 'Are you sure you can support it in ■the style befitting its rank?" —Jenks: "I've just given £20 for this diamond ring for my wife." Jinks: "It's a beauty! But isn't it rather— er—extravagant ?" Jenks: "Not a bit! Think of what it will save in gloves!" The Headmaster: Have you anything to say before I administer the cane? Brown Minimus: Has it been properly sterilised? Madge: Don't you think a girl should marry an economical man? Dolly: I suppose so; but it's just awful being engaged to one! "My husband has given up smoking altogether." "Indeed! That reI quires a. pretty strong will." ' "Oh, my will is pretty strong!" Tommy asked his father one day: "Father, do lawyers tell the truth?" "Yes, my boy," the father answered. "Lawyers will do anything to win a case." Mr Misfit (angrily): I can't make myself plainer, can T? Mrs ; Misfit: Well, it scarcely seems possible. Still (reflectively), if you were-to shave off your moustache—— Mistress (to Mary, about to be married): And where did you meet your young man, Mary? Mary: Oh, -at 'uncle's funeral, mum- He was the life and soul of the party. Tom: How is it you're not married yet? Dick: The amateur photographic craze r is responsible for it. Tom: How so? Dick: All the girls I know have taken to developing negatives..