THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 22817, 27 November 1937, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

.Psychology—Watts: “I understand that you think I am a fool.” fotts: “ I never said so, but perhaps you-are a mind-reader.” • * • * Together. Then—Small Boy: “Pa! 1 * Father: " What now?” . Small Boy; •“ Why didn’t Noah swat both the flies when he had such s good chance?” Retort ' Divine. —’ Informative Stranger: "It may interest you to know that that is what is called a helicopter.” ' Farmer : “ You may be interested’to know that that’s ;my boy piloting* it. Anglais?—American Visitor fin. 1 Paris) : “ Parley voo Angley, mademoislle?” French, Girl: “ Yes; a vairy leetle.’* American Visitor: “Good work I Say, could you put me wise where I could line up against some good eats in this burg?” ■ Retrospective Logic A Scottish undergraduate was hard up, so ho wrote to his father asking for a remittance ’of • £2O. Knowing his father’s tardiness at replying to this kind of request, the young man added this postscript: “ Remember he gives double who gives quickly.” His father wired him- £lO. ‘ , • . ■** * • Pointed Terseness. —Mrs Newbegin had just made the acquaintance of Mrs Suburbanite, and exchanges of confidences were being' made. Each was wondering what the husband of the other was. like. Mrs N. put the direct query: “Is your husband a rather short mar„ Mrs S——■?” . “Always!”-replied she, with a significant sigh. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

tija mjm wf* The Aspirate Again.—lnTeply tothe question, " From what animal do we get ham?” an observant, if slightly incorrect schoolboy wrote;'—“ We do not get' ham from any animal. It grows on a bush, which is very dangerous to people who are passing. We often read of travellers in foreign countries being caught in an ambush and killed.”. **• * ■ A Natural Course.—Mr Brows looked at. the letter on his . desk. , “ We are very ; surprised,” it read, “that the money we have demanded so often has-not yet arrived;” Turning to his secretary, he dictated his reply. “ Dear Sirs,—You do not need to be surprised. I have not sent it.” • • Don’t Be a Bore.—Said the smart little waitress, up beside the customer: “ I have got devilled _ kidneys, calves’ brains, pigs’ feet, chicken livers, and ——• “ Forget it,” growled the diner. “ I’ve got a headache, fallen arches, corns, a bunion, three warts, and an empty stomach. Tell your troubles to someone else, and bring me some ham and eggs.” *•. * . » A “ Dear,” Too Dear,—Retired An<jtioncer: “ And what can yon give my daughter?” Prospective Son-in-law: ’ “ Five hundred pounds a year, a car, and a house in the country.” Retired Auctioneer (enthusiastically)j “Sold.”. •*. • * Hie!—He had enjoyed himself thoroughly and tried to open. the door to his flat with his half-smoked cigar. He fumbled for five minutes, tiying to insert the cigar in the keyhole. Then, grumbling to himself, he staggered out into the air again. Outride he looked at the cigar in Mil •hand. A surprised enpreerion creased Ms ■face. “Why, < I ‘ mus’ be drunk,” k» mumbled. “ I been smokin' my cey aU night.” • « • <t Blinding Succatt.—The 1 foreman on' the job noticed one of the men gazing aimlessly about him, instead of working, and inquired ; “ What have yon done to-day ?” “ Formosa for the Oup,” grinned the stupid fellow. The foreman, infuriated, reared t “Put your coat on.” “ Why? It ain’t, raining.” ‘-Put your coat on and go and get your money,” roared the foreman. “Has it won, then?”, asked ttie workman.