THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 22805, 13 November 1937, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

Too Bad.—He: “ You look a sensible girl. Let’s get married. She: “Nothing doing. I’m just 34 sensible as I look.” ♦ * • * Unfair.—Wife; “ Dear, I’ve set my heart on a Rolls-Royce.” Hubby: “Yes? Well, that’s the only part of your anatomy that’ll ever set on one.” • ♦ • • Old Reprint.—Judge: “The officer states that he found you two fighting in the street.” Defendant:“ That’s wrong, Judge. When he arrived we were trying to separate each other.” • * * • Works Two Ways. —Arthur: “ I suppose you’ve heard rumours that • I’m engaged to Peggy?” Herbert: “ Yes, If it’s true, I congratulate you; if not, I congratulata Peggy.” • • f • Tuning, Up.—An Oriental attended one of a series of concerts given by a famous London orchestra. Asked later how he enjoyed the music, ha said: “I liked most of all the part just before the man with the stick came in

British.—A Frenchman learning Eng. lish said to his tutor: “English is a queer language. What does this sen. tence mean: ‘ Should Mr Noble, who sits for this constituency, consent to stand again, he will, in all probability, have a walkover’?” t • • • Accounting.—A coloured man doing a hauling job was told'that he couldn’t get his money until he submitted a statement- After much meditation ha evolved the following bill: “ Three comes and three goes, at four bits a> went, 3d01.” • • • • Evidence.—Mather: “ Johnny, I have some good news for you.” Johnny (showing noi enthusiasm): “ Yes, I know. Brother’s home on leave.” Mother: “ How did you know?” Johnny: “My bank won’t rattle any more.” • • • , * Spatting It. —Little Johnny, age seven, had been taken to the zoa to see the animals. He stood before the cage of the spotted leopard for a few minutes staring intently. Then, turning to his mother, he asked, “Say, Ma. is that the dotted lion that everybody wants Dad to sign on?” • ♦ • • Detour.—The Scandinavian had just arrived in California, delighted with the way his new car withstood the trials and tribulations of the trip. “How are the roads, Hans?” “ Veil, dis guy Lincoln was uh great engineer, but dat Frenchman De Tour he was no road builder at all.” All So Sad.—He was, in fact, the absent-minded _ professor, and he was strap-hanging in a tramcar. The other arm clasped half a dozen bundles. He swayed to and fro. Slowly his face took on a look of apprehension. “ Can I help you, sir?” asked th«( conductor. “ Yes,” said the professor with relief. “ Hold on to this strap while I get my fare out.” • * • ♦ Free and Easy.— “ I admired that last piece you played, Professor. It had a sort of wild freedom about it, you know—a sort .of get up and go that just suited me. Was it a composition of your own?” “ Madam,” responded the eminent musician, “ I was patting a new B string on my violin.” • *■ • • : A Close Shave. —A big buck Indiart had just ordered a ham sandwich at a drug-store and was peering between the slices of bread when he turned andl said to the waiter: “ Ugh, you slicd ’em ham?” The waiter replied: “ Yes, I sliced the ham.” “ Ugh,” grunted the Indian. “ Yoif darn near miss ’em.’-’ .1. J. ■? i ifi ifidi ifiji JnH Ji ifi