THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 22775, 9 October 1937, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

Right of Way.—The fog was very thick and the chief officer of the tramp steamer was peering over the side of the bridge. Suddenly, to his intense surprise, he saw a man leaning over a rail only a few yards away. “ Xou confounded fool,” he joared, “ what on earth do you think your ship’s doing? Don’t you know I’ve got the right of way?” • Out of the gleam' came a sardonic voice: “This ain’t no blinkin’ ship, guvner. This ’ere’s a light’ousel” . •-♦ * . • Matrimonial Misapprehension.—Mrs Jones: “Poor Lola! She was cruelly deceived when she married old Goldrox.” Mrs Brown: “"Why,- didn’t he have plenty of money ? ” . - Mrs 1 Jones; “Oh, yes, plenty of money, but he was 10 years younger than he said he was.” ■ * * * * ... \ . An. Honourable Man.—Said the professor’s wife: “ George,- do you know what day it is? Twenty-five years ago to-day wo first became engaged.” The absent-minded professor looked shocked. - f--■ • “Twenty-five years! Why didn’t you say‘Bo before this? It’s high time we got married.” '

Thespian.—The class in public speak* ing was to give pantomimes that after* noon. One freshman got np when called on, went to the; platform, and stood per* fectly still. ‘‘ Well,’’ said the professor alter • minute’s wait for something to happen. “ What do you represent?” "I’m imitating a man, going up in . an elevator,” was the quick response. - * .. •, „ . *, In a Big Way.—A tourkt was enjoy* ing the wonders of California as pointed oat by a native. “ What beautiful grapefruit,” h# said, as they passed through a grove of citrus trees, . “ Oh, those lemons are a bit small owing to a comparatively bad season,’t explained the Californian. “What are those enormous hips* soms ?” questioned the tourist a Irttlo bit farther on. / “ Just a patch of answered the guide. Presently they reached the Saorg* mento River. “ Ah,” said the tourist, V ’ ' radiator is leaking.” ’* • • ' * ' * . Thoughtful.—A fashionably-dressed woman approached the dower-seller and asked for a shilling’s worth of blooms* After the purchase she inquired; “Will you be here next . Wednesday as I shall want some flowers for ml dauehier? She’s coming out that day.”' “ She shall have the best on the man* ket., ma’am,” the woman answered, V What’s she in for?” • ✓ ♦ • To Be Exact.—“ Well, Mary,” sstd the minister kindly, “ yon didn’t come to bur little gathering last night, after all. How was that?” “ Please, sir, I had a little gathering of my own that prevented me.” “ Oh ! and where was _it ? ” “If you please, sir, it was on the back of my neck.” •*•. • . ■ A Sizzler.—A man in OMoagp «H grumbling about the heat. Said a# other, who had just returned from * trio through the south: ..“■Hot! Boy, you don’t know .what hot As. One dav this week in Mississippi I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.” ' 1 . • *.,*.■*■. A Unique Contimpncy.—A' man, anxious to book seats for a certain plan rang up a number. , • “Can I;get a box for four to* night? ” he asked. “We don’t have boxes for four,’* answered the voice at the" other and, “ Isn’t that the theatre?'” 7 “ No, this is the undertaker’*.’! • V*, , • Strange.—Little Bobby -.was sitting with his mother in church during^tia wedding of "their eldest daughter. Halfway through 1 the service,, he observed his* mother crying. “Why are you crying, mama?” ha asked. “ It’s not your wedding.’? * •; • • Welcome Relief. —Little Mary f “ Mother, they are going to teach Uf domestic silence at school now.” Mother : “ Don’t you'mean domestic science?” . Father: “ There is a bare hope out little girl means what she is saying.’? ■T- A ■*, ■*, ,1L ■% A,f■A AA A A AAA A A ■lk