THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 22685, 26 June 1937, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

The Fairy Godfather. Judge; “ What have you to say for yourself?” Prisoner: “I say I wish I was irt a place where there were no traffic cops. Judge: “Granted. Sixty days.” • • • • Concerning Hens. —“ First Farmer;' “ Which is correct—‘ A hen is-sitting ’• or ‘ a hen is setting ’?” Second Farmer: “ I don’t know and I don’t care. All I bother about is when she cackles—is she laying or is she lying?’’ , • * * * Express Delivery. —A woman leaning out of a window called a youth over to her, and.giving him a parcel, said. “Put this on a bus for me, please! ” “ Yes, but which bus? ” he asked. “ Oh, any bus,” she replied. “It’s my husband’s lunch. He works at the Lost Property Office.” **• * ♦ Valorous Discretion. —Doctor (preparing patient for operation)—" Now, sir, I want to be quite frank with you —four out of five people die under this operation. Is there anything I can do before I begin? ” Patient—“ Yes, doctor, help me on with my pants and shoes.” Two Willing Victims.— Patient: “As we have known each other for so long, doctor, _ I do not intend to insult you by paying your bill. But I have left you a handsome legacy in my will.” Doctor: “Very kind of you, I am sure. Allow me to look at your prescription again. There is a slight alteration I should like to make in it.” « * * * Piety. —A young Hying officer, stationed somewhere near Egypt, while flying near the Great Pyramids, carrying out exercises in navigation, and working with a sextant to discover his exact position, suddenly turned to the pilot and said, “Take off your hat!” “Why?” asked the pilot. “ Because, according to my calculations, we are now inside St. Paul’* Cathedral.”

Obliging.—A Los Angeles patrolman had brought in a negro woman somewhat the worse for.wear, and the desk sergeant, with his very best scowl, roared: “ Liza, you’ve been brought in for intoxication!” “ Dat’s fine!” beamed Liza. “ Boy* you can start right now!” * . » * « Ham and—■ —A man walked into the grocery store. “ I want all the rotten eggs you have,” he demanded. “ What do you want with stale eggs?”.asked the clerk. “ Are you going to see the new comedian at the theatre to-night?” “ Sh-sh-sh,” hissed' the buyer nervously, “ I am the new comedian.” The Sceptic.—The teacher was trying to illustrate the meaning of the .word “ perseverance.” ' “ What is it,” she asked, “that carries a man along rough roads and smooth roads, up hills and down,, through jungles and swamps and raging torrents?” The class was silent. Then Willie* whose father was a motor car dealer* said: “ There ain’t no such car.”- * * . , . * * Distribution of Favour. —“ Oh, dear, 1 * sighed the pretty girl in the restaurant* “I must have forgotten my purse.” “ Please allow me to pay,’’ he said* with a polite bow. She smiled at him* pityingly. “No,” she remarked. “You paid for me yesterday. Let some other mutt do it to-day.” * * * ♦ “ Whence All but He.” —Some twenty' or thirty cowboys were in a saloon in the Wild West when a. fellow came thundering in shooting his pistol right and left.” “ Every one of you dirty skunks get' out of. here,” he, shouted. Every body scampered out except on* little man. The bad man turned to him with his pistol still smoking and saidt! “Well?” Said the little man; “ There su'r* were a lot of ’em.”