THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 22578, 20 February 1937, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

The Blissful Cure. —“ Let me kiss .those tears away, sweetheart,” ho ’begged tenderly. She fell into his arms, and he was .very busy for a few moments. But ithe tears flowed on. . “ Will nothing stop them?” he asked {breathlessly. _ , , “No,” she murmured. “It’s hay sfever, but go on with fee treatment.”- • • * • Every Schoolboy Knows. —The electricians were making some repairs on fee local school. Schoolboy: “ What are you doing, mister?” ■ . • Electrician: “ Installing an electno iswitch.” Boy: “Well, I don’t care. Our .fepily; is moving to-day, and I won't ■begoing to this school any more.”- #•_ * # The Missing Daughter.— First kangaroo : “ And what has become of your daughter, Evangeline?” Second ditto: “Good graciousTSome* ■body has picked my pocket!” • • # • Not Half.—A councillor lost his temper during a meeting, and remarked that half his colleagues were fools. An apology was demanded. He promised to make reparation, ■ and caused bills with the following words to be posted around the town:—“l said that half the town councillors are fools, I now declare feat half the town councillors are not fools.”. • • • • Heavy Ones. —Jones came hack from his holiday proud of his bulging ■.muscles. “ Look at these arms,” he said. They were certainly in good condition. His colleagues put it down to rowing, but Jones withered them with scorn. “Rowing be biowed!” he snorted, “ I got them pulling up fish.”

Being Polite.—An enthusiastic amateur gardener showed a friend round his grounds. The enthusiast had dona a bit of topiary work on his bushes, and when they reached the two piece# of hedge sculpture of which he was most proud, he pointed to them and said: . “ How do you like my Georgian Urn?” . , “ Fine,” said the visitor politely. “ Which is Georgie and which is Em?”; ■** * ' * Out of Sight.—Policeman: “ Why’ro ,you mah? You can’t park Oliver: “ I’ve got a flat tyre. I ran over a bottle about a mile back.” Policeman: “ Couldn’t you see it' and drive round it?” Driver; “ No, the fool had it in hit hip pocket!” * * .• Li Hung Chang.—Li Hung Chang, from China, visited a Clyde shipyard. There were hopes that he would give an order. He was in one of the yards at 1 o’clock, when the hooter sounded. All the workmen dropped their tools and dashed off to dinner. Li Hung Chang was very upseti “They have all escaped,” he cried.- “ What will you do ? They will not come back.” “ Don’t worry,” answered the man* ager. “ They will come back all right.”;* At 2 o’clock, when Li Hung Chang was still in the yard, the hooter sounded again, and the visitor was amazed, at the spectacle of the work* men trooping back. “What did I tell you?” said the Manager. “ The hooter always brings them back. Now, sir, what about that ship your were thMnng of ordering?” “Never mind the ship,” replied Li Hung Chang. “How much do you want for the hooter?” l • • • * Biting the Dust.—Mark Twain refused to play golf himself, but one time he agreed to watch a friend play. Teeing off, the player sent bits of turf flying in all directions. Then, in a nonchalant attempt to hide his confusion, - he said to his guest, “ What do youthink of our links here, Mr Clemens?”' “The best I’ve ever tasted,” he replied, - brushing the dirt from his lips.-