THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 22526, 19 December 1936, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

Horn Repairman: “Shall I install a loud,or soft horn, sir? ” O’Leary: “Just one -with, a dirty sneer.” * * * • No Difference. —Teacher: “If you subtract 14 from 116, what’s the diner* ence? ” Tommy: “ Yeh, I think it’s a lot of foolishness, too.” Whiskers. —Ernie: “My unde can play the piano by ear.” • Gurney: “ That’s nothing. My uncle fiddles with his whiskers.”- . • • • • In the Hills of Kentucky,—Salesman: “Say, your shoes are mixed; ' you’ve got the left shoe on the right foot.” Strawfoot; And here for 20 years 1 thought I was clubfooted.” • • • Extracurricular.—A man in an insane asylum sat fishing over a flower bed. A visitor wishing to be friendly walked up and said, <r How many have you caught to-day P ” “ You’re the ninth,” replied the.nut. : A Tall Order, —A hard-driving taxi driver ignored a red signal, threatened the traffic policeman’s knees, missed the street island by a hair, and grazed a bus, all in one dash. . The. -policeman hailed him, then strolled over to the taxi, pulling a big handkerchief from his pocket en route, “ Listen, cowboy! ” he growled. “ On the way back I’ll drop this and see if you can pick it up with yer teeth.”- • • • • Full Stop. —The genius of a local man had carried him to, big success, in business without much aid of education. He was asked to distribute the prize* at a school, and made the usual speech of good counsel. “Now, hoys,” he said, “ always re* member that education is a great thing. There’s nothing like education. Take arithmetic. Through education we learn that twice two makes four, that twice six makes twelve, that seven sevens make—and then there’s geography.” N

HiiaaiVBBHaBBV'BMv ■' m m m m» 1 Low I. Q.—Prosecuting Attorney • " Are you acquainted with any mem* bers of the jury. Witness: “ Yes sir, with mote , than half of them.” Attorney: “ Are you willing to swear that you know more than half of them.”_ Witness: "It it comes to that. Mr Attorney, I’m willing to swear I know: more than all of them put together.”. • • • • Human Humanitarian. —A small man was holding forth on humanitarianism. • " My friends,” he said, “ you should never in any . circumstances: strike s child. I’ve brought up six boys, myself, so. I know what I’m talking about.” ■ \ “Six boys!” exclaimed one of . the audience. “ And do you mean to say you haven’t laid a hand on one of them?” " Never,” declared the lecturer, "except in self-defence.” • ♦ • • Only Thing Left.—A man who took great pride in his lawn found’this year, to his dismay, a heavy crop of dandelions’. He did his best to uproot them, trying, every known device to get rid of them. • As his efforts were unsuccessful, it oc* ourred to him finally ifiat as the Go* verament was helping ;the farmer and rendering so many services, he'should write to the Department of Agriculture about his dandelions. So he depicted ,in a letter his woes at great length, enumerating all the things that he had tried and done, and ended bis letter by saying, "What do I do now? ” . In due course a reply came, stating.- " We suggest you loam to love them.’* WWWWWMWWWWJI