PIPE SMOKING

Evening Star, Issue 22514, 5 December 1936, Page 6

PIPE SMOKING

PRACTICE OF THE ART A HUMOROUS REVERIE Breathes there a man with soul so dead Who never to himself has said: _ I think I’ll throw away this snipe, And start me in to smoke a pipe. There comes a time in every man’s life when he wants to smoke a pipe, and it is for the uninitiated souls that I pen this article, writes Tom Melville in the Winnipeg ‘ Free Press.’ There’s an old saving that a nian can’t help falling in love, but the stuff he smokes in his pipe is his own fault. As all men are judged by their tobaccos, there is no doubt but what the saying is true. Thus, if you contemplate the purchase of a pipe', it is best to amass as much ( knowledge on the subject as you possibly can. Pipe smoking, after all, is an art, and deserves your every attention. To start with, there are three styles of pipes—the straight style, the saxophone style, and the collegiate style. The first is straight-stemmed and never over sin long, while the second or saxophone style is bent in the middle, and the bowl is capable of holding a quar-ter-pound of shag at one time. The college pipe, affected by the youth of the country, is over a yard in length, and has to. be pulled apart before it can be put in the pocket. Some of them are so long they have to be carted around in golf bags, and are often mistaken for puttersa ■ It is not safe for, a mature person to smoke ono of these, although the college lads seem to get by safely enough. At one time an open season on college boys with pipes was a moot question, biit nothing ever came of it. There are more things shelved in Parliament tluju this world ever dreams of. TOBACCO NEXT. After you have purchased one of the above-mentioned pipes, your next move is’to purchase some tobacco. You may use your own judgment in doing so. because one man’s brand is usually an-1 other man’s poison. • Nevertheless, your hig moment has arrived. Stuff your pipe to the limit , with the weed, apply a match or two. and puff away for all you are worth. As an aroma akin to that of boiling cabbage fills the room a mellow light appears in your eyes, and your entire face assumes a benevolent aspect. You are at peace with the world. Right now your wife could inform you that her mother is coming to spend the winter with you, and you wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. As the room turns from a blue haze into something like a forest fire you are becoming a full-fledged smoker. Keep on a-puffiug,- even though you now feel a wee bit green around the gills. It’s determination that winsl After a bit the room turns black and smoke starts to pour out of the windows and door. Eventually some kindly neighbour calls the fire department, and the chief arrive; just as you are knocking the ashes from the bowl of your brier. Regardless of what the fire chief, say? or thinks, you are now considered a true smoker, and you may wend your way through all walks of life with your 'pipe stuck firmly between your teeth without experiencing any embarrassment whatsoever. You’ve made, the grade.

Nevertheless, a pipe smoker’s path is far from rosy. Sometimes he has to Tun the gauntlet of severe, criticism .levelled at him by non-smokers. Should you have occasion to light up in their .presence, and one of them remarks that your pipe smells like someone is shoeing a horse, pay no attention to the quip. The fellow, is probably jealous of your accomplishment. After all, to get the best out of a pipe it should be a little on the vile side.

SMOKE BARRAGE. Some- people may even designate your tobacco as marsh hay, or old rubber heels. Laugh these accusations away. Do not lose your temper when some guy mentions something about your pipe smelling like a wet goat beside a hot stove., Instead, puff furiously away on the brier and lay down a barrage of thick blue smoke that will surely win for you any argument the lads may care to get into. You have a weapon much superior to anything they have to offer. Pipes, after some usage, are inclined to get a wee bit soggy, and may have, to be overhauled.' Authorities differ on this subject though, and there is no set rule. Some are in favour of a rigid non-cleaning rule, while others maintain that pipes come under Section A,, sub-section D, .paragraph six of the Sanitary Act of 1904. (See ‘ Hansard,’ page 9,934). I say, let your conscience be your guide. If your pipe becomes so crusted and so plugged, that it neither draws nor lights, you really should do something about_ it. ■A plugged pipe is. hard on matches, and many a , plugged-pipe smoker is traced by the trail of burnt matches he leaves in bis wake. Criminals, of all people, should never have plugged pipes. There are several methods of holding a pipe in your mouth. Righthanders should keep their pipes over on the right-hand side of their mouths, while left-handers should naturally lean to the south side. If you are a Joe College keep the pipe right in the middle of your teeth at all times. Good poise is essential in a good smoker. Always look as if you are enjoying your smoke, even though your eyes water and vour mouth tastes as if a bird had built a nest in it. Remember, it takes 10 years to make a smoker, and after that you can stuff anything into your pipe from breakfast food to tarred rope, and thoroughly enjoy it, -without suffering from any after effects whatsoever. In closing, let me offer the following advice to new smokers. Accidents are bound to befall you and ill-luck and bad matches may dog your footsteps. In spite of all this, keep your chin up and your pipe lit. Remember, too,

It’s easv enough to be And sunny and that sort of tnpe, But the man worth while Is the man who can smile ' When he’s busted the stem of his pipe.