A Christmas Railway Station Comedy Drama

Evening Star, Issue 20053, 19 December 1928, Page 15

A Christmas Railway Station Comedy Drama

! (Copyright—Pnblishrr] by Arrangement with the General Press, Lid.) \ Br h. thomlinson.

1 Colonel George Waiver ton Smith, late of H.M. Indian Army, sat with his daughter at the breakfast table in his house in the little country town of Bridbury on the eve of Christinas Day. | The meal was just completed, and the 1 colonel was glancing at the nows in 1 the morning paper when a servant entered with a not© on a salver. The colonel read it. . “Ah!" ho cried. “Now that is what I call doing things in a businesslike way! You recollect, Dora, my dear, that I told you that Grumpier of ours, who is just home on leave, had written to say ho had brought a Buddha, which he was going to send me i as a Christmas gift? Well, the case has arrived. Here is tho notification from the railway station. 1 don’t know . why they have not sent it hero. Perhaps they are too busy at Christmas time. I must go to tho station to see about it." The colonel kissed his daughter, took his hat and stick, and left. . , ~ Tho stationmaster touched his cap. ■“ Happy Christmas, Johnson,” said the colonel, “ Thanks for your note. You’ve got my case, I understand? ” “ Well, sir, I thought it mightlo for you, but the address is rather incomplete. as you see. Here it is." Tho stationmaster pointed to a goodsized packing case on' the platform. Tho colonel went to inspect it. There .was a large card nailed on tho top, but a corner of it had been torn or rubbed off in transit, and the remainder revealed only tho words; “Smith, Bridbury. To be called for. Carriage paid,” with the further instruction: “ This side up. With care.” “Very careless!" muttered the colonel. “ Might lead to all sorts of mistakes. However, here’s the case. That’s tho chief point. Have you anyone here, Johnson, who can take it to my place? ” I think I can hud someone directly, colonel, when I've seen the up train in. You’re nob in a burry for a fow minutes, sir? ’’ ' The colonel was not in any particular hurry, and whilst the stationmaster was away he examined the_ case again. It was stout and a considerable weight, as he ascertained by lifting one end ox it. There was a small hole at tho side, p’he colonel gingerly poked the end jri- his stick. through, encountering something which felt like a rag or blanket. He did not dare to push hard, for fear of injuring tho idol. “Well wrapped up, at any rate,” thought he; “but hardly tightly enough, I should have said, to prevent shaking. If tho thing has suffered any damage it will be most infernally annoying. I wish Johnson would look sharp. That confounded train is always latef"

Minnto after minute passed, and no train arrived. The colonel, becoming impatient, commenced taking short turns up and down the platform. He had just completed his right-about turn at the end of one when two persons appeared from the booking office, and, after looking round, as if in search of something, walked straight to the case. One was a middle-aged man with a general air of aggressiveness, whom the colonel recognised as a small draper in the town. He was accompanied by a flabby, unhealthy-looking youth, wheeling a small barrow. “ Ah ! there it is,” said the draper, inspecting the case. “Now then, Jitters, look sharp about it. I want those goods 'ome at once.” ( The colonel marched quickly to him. “Pardon me,”, said he. “but that is i my case.” “ Pardon me,” returned the man with the whiskers, “ it’s mine.” , “If you will take the trouble to look at the address,” said the colonel, “ you will see my name on it.” , “That’s my name on it,” said the man. “ Smith—l’m Smith.” “ It happens to be my name also,” said the colonel. . “ Oh! is it? Ahl well, wa may share the name, but we don’t share this box. This is my bos, anyway. Now, Jitters, hurry up aud get it on the harrow. I can’t waste any more time talking.” “ Sir,” said the colonel, “ I forbid you to touch that box.” “Oh! you do, eh? Forbid me to touch my own property! ,Woll, that’s good, I must say!’’ “I forbid you to touch mine,”- said th-s colonel. “ I don’t see any of yours about,” returned the other, truculently. “ Now then, Jitters, on with it.” “ Vaib a moment,” said the colonel. “ Before you commit an action which is felonious-—yes, by gad, felonious, sir v-you will take notice that I have ilready, before your arrival, claimed this case in the presence of the stationmaster, and am now waiting till he can spare me a porter to remove it. I have been expecting a case from London. There it is, with my name on it. It is a Christmas gift. I am Colonel Smith, of The Ferns. Any interference with the case will bo at your own peril, sir.”

“ Colonel Smith, of The Ferns, are you? Yes, I've 'card of you. Get your things from the Army and Navy Stores, don’t you? Indian Service, half-pay, ain’t you? Well, you see, you ain’t in Inqia now, colonel, and >1 ain’t a Gorky or a Sepoy, or any of them fellows, but as good a man as yourself. I ain’t under your orders, see. ’ “ No,” returned the colonel, “ and a deuced good thing for you that you are not. But you don’t touch this Case.” And the colonel’"sat on the article, and grasped his stick with such a ferocious expression that the man with the whiskers evidently considered that discretion was the better part of valour. He adopted somewhat quieter tactics. “ Look here! ” said he, “ I’m expecting a case of goods like this from London. I’ve got the invoice for them. I can toll you exactly what’s in that box. There’s four dozen suede gloves, size 5i to 6|, one dozen silk hose, two dozen Lisle thread ditto, one dozen merino combinations, two dozen .” “ Confound it, sir,” interrupted the colonel, “ I don't want the inventory of your shop. I>id you order any blankets? ” “ Blankets? ” repeated the other in 4 amazement. _ " No. “ Then this isn’t your case,” said the Solonel. “ This one has blankets in. .reel through that hole.” The man did so. It certainly felt Tike blankets. It could hardly be the lomblnations—it was too fluffy. He hesitated. “ Excuse me, sir,” he began again in a much less aggressive tone, “ but you see they may have been and wrapped the things I’m expecting in blankets.” " They always wrap what I’m expecting in them,” snapped the colonel. " May I ask, sir, what it is you are expecting? ” said the other claimant, after a pause. 1 “I don’t see what business it is of yours, sir,” was the reply; “but I'll tell you. It’s a god.” “A god!” echoed the man. “A god in a blanket? ” “ Yes, sir,” growled the colonel. “ A gocl in a blanket. How the deuce would you expect him to travel ? ” The usual mode of travelling adopted by gods was a subject which Mr Smith' had never considered. There was no answer, ‘ • In the meantime the up-train had arrived and departed, and tifS stationmaster reappeared on the scene. He grasped the situation promptly, as, in view of the inadequate address, he had notified Smith, the draper, as well as Smith, the colonel. A pacific diplomacy iras evidently called for. “ Good morning, Mr Smith,” he »ogan, “ I’m afraid that, after all, '> x have troubled you unnecessarily, as ' this gentleman, Colonel Smith, has

recognised the ease as Jits property. Yours, no doubt, will como by a later train. Perhaps you could come again." “ No, Mr Stationmaster, I can’t come again, or send, I want ray goods now. 1 .1 have my business to attend to as well as you.” “Well, Mr Smith, I’m.sorry; hut 1 can't hand that case to yon. It is equally claimed by Colonel Smith, and, you see, he was first in the field. I think you had bettor agree to the colonel having it sent to Ins house, and’ then, if it does not contain what ho expects, I am sure he will undertake to forward it to yon at once.” “ He says he’s expecting a god,” grumbled Smith. “ Now, docs that box Took like it? ” “ Yes; that’s all right, Johnson,” explained the colonel. “ It’s a Buddha—an idol, you know.; a Christmas present from a brother-officer of mins. Brought from Ceylon.” “ Well, Mr Smith, do you agree to my proposal?” asked tho stationmaster.

Mr Smith, it appeared, did not. “ Very well, gentlemen,” said the official; “as yon both claim tho case you leave me only one course open. I am not justified in deciding between you, and I must ask you both to pub your claims in writing, and send them to me. In the meantime I must take charge of the case on be! alf of the company. Very sorry, air,” he added, turning to the colonel, “ but you see my position.” “ Of course you must do what yon—er—suppose to be your duty," said that gentleman, rather stiffly. “ Good mornmgl ”, Ah IV said Smith, as the colonel disappeared through the booking office; “ a bit ’igh and 'Mighty, ain’t, he? Been nigger-driving too long, and grown proud. But now that he’s gone —Jiffors, what are yon dawdling about here for, wasting time? Take that barrow outside at once—shall we just raise the lid of that bos, and I’ll prove to you that it’s mine? If youjvo got screwdriver we can do it in a minute.” “ No, Mr Smith,” replied the stationmaster. "We will not raise tho lid of that box. I made a fair proposal to you, and you declined it, thereby giving, I may add, a great deal of trouble. Send your claim in writing, and in the course of a fortnight or so I dare say tho matter will be settled.” “ Do you mean to say ” began the other. “ I mean to say no more about it,” interrupted the stationmaster. “Oh! very well,” snarled Smith, growing purple in tho face with rage. “ Very well, sir! I’ll send in my claim, and—differs come here; wha,t are you running away for?—as I was saying, I shall be glad if you can make it convenient to settle that little account of your wife’s at once, as I’m a trifle'short just now." And he, too, marched off, in company with the unhealthy-looking differs, leaving the stationmaster alone on the platform with the box, which he eyed malevolently. “Damn the thing!” said he. ’ ' For the next lew hours various matters kept Mr Johnson busy, but in the afternoon there was a slack time when no trains passed the. station except an express, which did not require any attention. It was at this time that he found himself thoughtfully contemplating the troublesome packing case, which still remained on the platform. What was there really inside it? The colonel had said that it contained a god. He had seen pictures of such things—little figures, with a -blandJy smiling expression and crossed legsTbut a real live god, so to speak, one that had actually carried on business and been worshipped by heathen niggers, was a very different thing, and not to be seen every day. He would dearly like to look at it. Doubtless, in tho end, he would receive instructions to open the case and settle the point of disputed ownership. What if he were to raise tho lid now and take a peep? It could be closed again without difficulty, and—yes, h- would do so. There was, in the office, an instrument for opening cases. The stationmaster went for it. There was no one in the station. It was approached from one side only, and there was nobody in sight. He inserted the lever, and raised he lid of tho box a fow inches at one end.

At this point it occurred to him that Ut would be advisable to close the station door, so as to avoid any chance of interruption. It was often done at that time of day, and there would be nothing unusual about it; so, leaving the lid partly open, he passed through the booking office, dosed and bolted the folding doors, and returned to the platform. When ho arrived things had happened. From the edge of the case protruded a most venomous-looking head, followed by some 2ft or 3ft of wriggling body, a ;.eemingly interminable supply of which Was slowly disgorging itself from the interior of the box. The stationmaster stood still, rooted with horror to the spot. Ho was a temperate man, and the reality of the thing was unquestionable. He had an unconquerable aversion to snakes. Whilst he was gazing spellbound at the paralysing sight he heard the warning whistle of the approaching down express. Whether the snake heard it, too, and was affected by it, it is, of course, impossible to say. At any rats, it suddenly exchanged its slow movement for a quick wriggle, and, possibly with the idea of seeking some refuge, glided rapidly over the intervening platI form ana dropped on to the line just as the train reached the end of the station. Ton seconds later the stationmaster looked down on the line with a sigh of relief. The presence of a 10ft snake, presumably of a deadly variety, in the neighbourhood was a matter which he could not have ventured to keep secret; and then there would have come inquiry. Of course, ho had been wrong in opening the box. As it was, no one need bo any the wiser. He considered the situation rapidly. The first thing was to put the case in status quo. A few taps of the hammer soon accomplished this. The next—a most repulsive job —was to get rid of the fragments of snake and clean up the mess. Ho might reckon half an hour without interruption. There was at the side of the station a small strip of garden, which was intended for the use of the railway employees, but it was not carefully tended. This seemed to offer a suitable cemetery for the remains. It is astonishing how quickly a deep, narrow trench can be dug by a man who means business; and in a very short time the stationmaster had completed his task, the pieces of reptile were buried, and the earth well smoothed over. A pail of water and a mop removed all traces of the tragedy from the line, and ■ ell within the nalfhour the perspiring Johnson unfastened the station door, congratulating himself on the successful termination, so far, of the incident. True, he foresaw at first possible trouble when the ease should he claimed by its rightful owner; but here, with reflection, came comfort to his soul. Snakes were not articles of freight which the railway company would transport except subject to ‘special conditions, and when duly specified and described; and, as no such conditions had been observed no claim could be made. Wherefore, it was in a comfortable frame of mind that Mr Johnson received by an afternoon train two cases addressed respectively to “ Colonel Smith, The Ferns,” and “Mr James Smith, Draper. High street.” Having notified those gentlemen of ■ their arrival, he awaited further developments.

They occurred shortly. Tho following morning an individual, wearing a well-oiled top hat, and smoking a peculiarly evil-smelling cigar, strolled into tho station, and, after throwing an inquiring glanco round, approached the stationmaster. “ Any case here for tho name of Smith, mister? ” asked the stranger. “Yes,” said the stationmaster; “been claimed by two people already, but nob satisfactorily identified as their property. Address las got torn. Your name Smith? ” “ That’s me.- Smith’s Giant Amalgamated Waxworks, General Show, and Menagerie. Here for Boxing Day,” “ Well, I’ll show you the case. Come in here. There it is. Now, what are the contents? " “ What are the contents? ” repeated the man, slowly, “ Well, now, I don’t want it known, ’cos I ain’t going to put ’em on show just yet; bub that case contains a wax bust of Oliver Cromwell, 4 and—and a model of the San Francisco earthquake.” “Reallyl” said tho stationmaster. “ Very interesting, especially the model of tho earthquake. Well, 1 must just open the case to see that it is what you describe, and then “ I say, don’t do that 1 ” cried tho man, edging quickly to the door. “ I can’t have it opened hero. These things are very easily damaged.” “ Nonsonso, man,” said tho stationmaster. “ I won’t damage anything. I’ll only just raise tho lid. No one shall seo what’s inside. See, I’ll lock this door.”

The stranger grew livid as tho key was turned. His limbs trembled, and he seemed u ainly endeavouring to speak. The stationmaster did not appear to notice him, but, taking the iron lever from a shelf, pnsed tho lid and pooped into the case. “Why, there's nothing in it! ” ho cried, throwing it wide open. “ Nothing in it? ” repeated the other in a hollow voice.

“ Look for yourself,” said the stationmaster. “Nothing except an old blanket. . Why, you’ve been robbed! Somebody must have been at this case. I’m really sorry for you, Mr Smith. Of course, as far as the Joss goes you can claim from the company; but it’s so annoying, isn’t it? You look quite upset about it; and I don’t wonder at it, I’m sure, Como into my office, and take a rest for a bit.” Tho man did so. Ho seemed to want it.

“ Do you know,” said the stationmaster, presently, “ I really thought.— of course, it was ridiculous in the caso of a man like you—-but i really thought at first that you had been doing a little bit of railway smuggling; getting through things, forbidden by the company’s by-laws, 1 mean. The company are very much down on that sort of thing, but lots of people try it. I’ve known them send all sorts or things—lizards, and bats, for instance. There was one idiot, the other day, who actually had a snake sent, just packed in an ordinary case like the one wo’ve just opened! Let me see,” ho continued, meditatively, “ what did ho get? Was it a fine of £2O and six months? However*, about that claim. Will you fill tho form now? Very glad to help you. No? Well, then —good morning.” The face of the departing Smith expressed various and conflicting emotions, but the smile which illuminated tho countenance of the stationmaster as he returned to his work was suggestive of a large and unadulterated contentment.