STAGE PRETENSIONS

Evening Star, Issue 20032, 24 November 1928, Page 2

STAGE PRETENSIONS

AMATEURS AS EKTERTAMRS FM AT VAUDEVILLE TRIALS Suburbia perfonners with droams_ of signing big contracts and drawing huge cheques displayed what talent they possessed in the amateur vaudeville trials in the Princess Theatre last night. Ou performances, none has a chance of catching the eye of theatrical magnates, as the turns descended from a mediocre standard to bathroom quality. The order of dismissal, commonly known as the “bird,” was handed to several of the performers after the audience had warmed up to a semblance of the oldtime jollity which marked amateur trials. “ W© will first have a little comedy to put you in good humour,” announced the stage manager, and an elongated performer made a hurried entrance. Balancing a tray clumsily, ho fired off some patter of a sort,_ sot ■up an inane cackle, and burst into ‘ 'Waiter,* a song wmch has earned the old-age pension. Ho was flat throughout, and to make matters worse, he developed a frog in his throat. He will not tour the world as New Zealand’s brightest comedian. Performer No. 2 was not at home on the stage at any time. He looked daring in his eccentric attire, but he lost all -his dash. His song ‘ Nothing ’ opened well, and then commenced to fade away. Laughter disconcerted the young man, and, following a bad break, ho settled down again in his unhappy effort. A little fellow tripped over the cuffs of his baggy breeches as he came from idle wings to sing ‘ Mother, .Speak to Ethel,’ and he tripped over every high note in the song One passage beat him completely, and for half a minute he stoor silent and blushing. That was the thiid one off the slate of prospective performers on the circuit. But the next, juvenile showed not a tittle talent. He had his own accompanist©, a smart little blonde, who pare him every assistance to sing ‘Mother, Speak to Ethel,’ as if he meant it. More juveniles followed. A twelve-year-old girl gave a monologue on shopping, and she was followed by two other girls who presented similar, sketches, By way or a change, the bagpipes piped merrily, while another small maid danced a series of steps (allegedly Scotch), and sh» was followed by a boy who showed superiority in all departments. The daintiest turn of the evening was that of a maid knowi aa Doreen, who stepped lively and graced the stage with ft charming personality. Then Emily cavorted about the stage m a kitchen scene as if two baskets or makes had beer let loose at her feet, Mid two girls who had already appeared again showed their entertainment, wares. Costumed as an equestrienne, another; maid pranced merrily

before the footlights to wxr a deserved round of applause. The nest performer came “ all the way from Oamaru.” He will have littlo chance in late life of making up the cost of the trip by stage work. His Cossack danco failed to please ‘a big section and his efforts were received with ironical cheering. Clothes do not make the singer. The man who wore baggy_ flannel trousers, an odd coat, and a dinky bow tie was the best vocalist of_ the night, but his stage appearance did not quite set off the sentimentalism of ‘ Lay My Head Beneath a Rose.’ A smartly-dressed youth was supposed to have sung, but all that those in the circle heard was a deep, dull rumbling from somewhere down near his boots. The circle patrons heard littlo of tho ‘ Love Song,’ not that they were particularly been on hearing it, and the “ professional ” who gave ‘Take a Pair of Sparkling Eyes’ must have been a professional performer many years ago. Tho composer of 1 Ramona would have cried a bucketful of tears if he had heard ‘ Ramona ’ sung in the competition. One sang it as a dirge, the second showed as much life as an octogenarian spinster at a modern party, and the third lost no time in striking a gait and racing along at a fast clip. The skirls of the bagpipes • sounded again while the small boy and girl danced a jig' in good style, and then the “ waiter ” friend endeavoured to reinstate himself in popular favour. His patter and dance were on a par for poorness, and ho then announced his intention to sing ‘ Michael M’Cann.’ “ Whose canned?” piped a voice in the stalls, and tho public judges thought it time to give tho entertainer the “bird.” He refused to take the count at first, but he did not take long to realise that he was making no headway. Black out! A novelty was a xylophone selection, ‘Polly,” by a young man in evening dress. He tapped the pipes with precision, but the item was really a contest between the piano and the instrument to go ono better in keeping out of harmony. However, the youth earned his encore. A little later tho xylophonist executed a neat simultaneous dance with.a wellknown local dancer, whose solo hornpipe was worth watching. A trio of juveniles staged a well-conceived and presented dance, and an alleged comedian failed to woo the public. He was given a mixed reception. But tho heaviest brickbats of the night were given to the “ Cossack ” dancer from North Otago, who threw his bulk about the stage in what was supposed to have been a fairy-like dance. His stock fell completely. The trials will be continued to-qight.

A new swimming endurance record has been set up by Mrs Myrtle Huddleston, who remained in the water at Eavcnhall Pool, Ooney Island, for sixty hours. Each of the huge steel doors of the new Bank of England vaults weighs twelve tons. They are watertight, and each requires two men with different, keys to open it.